u/thecookiebear107

Honestly the reason i got locs was because i hated the process of getting braids and taking them out. and with taking bipolar meds sometimes it’s hard to do my hair. So when i got locs it was a breath of fresh air, not only is it cute, but it has also helped me mentally fr. But when i would get a retwist and then after awhile it gets frizzy and stuff, i found myself putting on a headband and it looked so cute. i have so many headbands now in different colors and i might get more because it’s been a literal lifesaver before i would get a retwist. plus i found it easier to style since i got my locs in a middle part. i honestly don’t regret getting locs and i really feel more beautiful with it as well!

At this point i think i need therapy to heal this wound. Because my whole life Ive been insecure due to bullying, micro aggressions, and just outwardly being undesired. The amount of times i tried changing my appearance just to still feel insecure. I honestly don’t know how to truly love myself and i feel like no one understands but other black women. Especially with being neurodivergent ive just had a hard time genuinely feeling pretty and i definitely realized that my insecurities probably shows to other people. I also feel with with doing online school for so long and not having a social life messed me up too so my only source of socializing was the internet. And the “fake it till you make it” advice just doesn’t work for me because even when i try faking it, in a way it does show because i genuinely to not believe what i say. i truly want to start loving myself and i feel like if i do i’d be less miserable but alot of the advice ive been given just doesn’t work especially with being neurodivergent like i said before.

alot of my close older family members who are women, they always told me not to do too much and basically be nonchalant. But it’s hard. It’s hard
to think that a guy could like me back when we barely text. and i’m always having to text first and it gets tiring. and if i don’t text then we go basically a week without talking. Even with friendships i’m always the one to reach out and it feels so frustrating, i hate feeling like i’m being too much or annoying, or that i’m desperate when all i want is for a guy to actually put in effort and genuinely wants to talk to me. i hate having to change my whole personality because guys would get turned off. having to text a certain way so they won’t get the ick. Am i overreacting? like it really starts to make me sad. and if i wait for my friends to reach out then my phone is just completely dry.

I used to buy alot of gold jewelry cause alot of people say gold jewelry look so good on us which is true, but for me i always ended up looking so washed out. and i remember buying foundation for the first time and looking so orange and yellow. But recently i found out that i have a cool-neutral reddish undertone and it’s just so wild. i didn’t really know much about undertones until i started getting into makeup, but is it hard for any black girl with a cool undertone to find the right foundation shade? and what colors do you often wear that you feel super beautiful in? i often found my skin looking so clear when i wore pastel colors specifically icy blue, or even a plum purple. hot pink too

I’ve been told by so many people to love myself and to stop worrying about relationships but it makes me so mad because they have been in relationships, they’ve had people express genuine interest in them. And i never used to be this insecure of myself before, when i was younger i felt beautiful until i entered 3rd-4th grade and got humbled so quickly. Getting asked out as a joke, getting told i looked like a man, non-black people and even black guys telling me my hair looks better straight so for my birthday i begged my mom to straighten my hair because i used to wear braids or braid my natural hair up. And that day i got compliments and it completely changed my view on my hair in a negative way. But what really messed me up was getting played so much by guys, i was never pursued genuinely, and when i was in a relationship it messed me up badly when he left me for a lightskin latina girl who he told me not to worry about. In middle school i used so many filters to lighten my skin so i would finally feel beautiful for once. And no matter how much effort i put onto my appearance i was still bullied and facing micro aggressions. It’s so hard to love myself and my features after being told that my features are manly and weird. i even got compared to sid the sloth at one point. And it hurts because i know being black is beautiful but it’s just myself that i have a hard time seeing as beautiful and when people tell me to just love myself and be confident, i just don’t think they get it because on top of the bullying, ive never truly been an outgoing person, i was quiet, awkward, and i tried faking it like my friends said to but it just felt so weird and uncomfortable for me. Anyways, i just find it so hard to genuinely love myself and the generic popular advice people say just never worked for me. But i did start trying to surround myself online with other black women and girls, because it does help a bit seeing other black women do well in life. I’m going into adulthood soon and i just want to change for the better and feel at peace with myself.