EDC: 29, recovering from years of untreated bipolar
from left to right, top to bottom:
- current library book (trying to go at least once every two weeks, if not every week)
- kyocera ky-42c (northeastern US, my daily driver for 6 months this august)
- ipad (only use for health apps + drawing)
- sonic wallet (sick as hell)
- car keys (car keys)
- sony WF C701N earbuds (hard to see but they're clear plastic, also sick as hell)
not pictured:
- kodak pixpro c1 (used to take the picture, only really carry to special events like concerts/parties)
- prozac (elaborated on below)
the backstory:
>i used to be super deep into social media, since i had previously made accounts on tiktok/instagram to showcase my cosplay projects. during the pandemic some of my videos blew up, and keeping up with comments/making more content meant that my screentime hit double digit hours. the attention felt like crack during my manic episodes, and i'm embarrassed to admit that i've spent thousands of dollars on filming equipment and cosplay supplies for characters i didn't really know or care about just because i knew it'd get views. during lows i wasn't immune, since the rude comments (and there were plenty, given that it's social media) got under my skin even more than usual and i felt the obsessive need to monitor and filter all negativity from my online experience. this also fed into doomscrolling, which lead to constant pressure to comment on any and all social movements that were happening at the time. it was exhausting having to constantly monitor everything i did, both online and IRL (since my coworkers were starting to get my videos on their feed, which is something that still creeps me out to this day) to ensure that i didn't say or do anything that wasn't "correct".
>at some point i asked myself if i really wanted to keep performing for tens of thousands of strangers on the internet daily, and realized the answer was a resounding NO. i immediately deleted the social media accounts that were algorithm-only, realized that i enjoyed the peace of mind, and slowly began purging all social media from there. in early 2025 i started contemplating the idea of moving to a dumbphone, but was a bit hesitant given my previous spending problems. as a sort of middle ground, i bought a $40 tcl flip 2 off of ebay and told myself that i could upgrade to something nicer if i stuck with it for six months. i was able to keep that promise to myself, and now i'm rocking the much-sleeker kyocera ky-42c (my only regret is not splurging a little and getting the red one, but oh well!).
>i want to make it clear that this is a summarization of a process that took place over 5 years, that the process was NOT easy, and that some days it is tempting to give up and go back to that life.
>(as an aside: i wish the sub had a little more grace for younger people who are just starting out and asking "dumb" questions about changing from a lifestyle they've probably only ever grown up knowing, but that's a rant for another day)
the current:
>i've been off of social media and using a dumbphone for a year now and i can't ever imagine remaking my accounts, let alone going back to a smartphone. i don't want to pretend that cutting out social media and getting rid of my smart phone completely cured all of my mental health issues immediately, but it was a huge factor in finally getting out of online echo chambers and going to therapy/starting medication and i feel like i wouldn't have sought help if i was still worrying about "looking crazy" or "attention seeking".
>i don't want to credit prozac completely for my recovery either, but it feels like i've had the toolbox all along and prozac was just the key to actually opening it. i've always known logically that going to the gym, reading, and/or talking to others in real life would make me feel better, but i never had the energy or mental wellbeing to actually do so. i'm still hoping that i can get off of it in the future, but for now it's made me function like an actual human being again and i wish the stigma around it hadn't kept me from pursuing it sooner.
>the newfound stability also means that i'm able to work a fulltime job, something i'm ashamed to admit that i was too depressed to even imagine doing beforehand. i still cosplay here and there (as well as drawing and writing, other hobbies i was too miserable to make time for), but now i can actually focus my time and energy on smaller, more in-depth projects that i'm actually proud of instead of churning out massive amounts of expensive slop to cash in on social media trends.
>even more exciting: with the savings i've built up, i've been able to pay off debts that i accrued during the pandemic, and am now able to focus on travelling/visiting friends for the first time in almost a decade. i've never left the east coast before, and now i'm able to actually plan for travelling to other continents- something i never would have considered a year ago!
TLDR:
>during the pandemic i got rid of social media, and the time away from the internet made me realize that refusing to address/treat my mental health was only making my life worse. i got rid of my social media/smartphone, went to therapy, got medicated, and now i feel like i'm able to live for the first time in years. i've gone from 'trying to force social media as a job while being constantly miserable offscreen' to 'working a full-time job, keeping my hobbies as hobbies, and using my phone for 30 minutes a day tops'.