comparison always gets the best of me.
Comparisons... whenever I see hot/attractive guys, I feel really inferior. I've been doing the best I can to improve myself. I've been doing skincare, working out 5x a week, lots of sleep too. I sometimes feel attractive, but man, I feel ugly lots of time.
I think I'm missing the validation from strangers when I was using dating apps, haven't used it in months. I have received lots of compliments, but it does not fix anything at all. If I'm fine without it, why do I still yearn for it? I don't do hookups anymore. I deactivated my social media for a month na.
I've been really doing good these past few months. There were days na mababa, I got to survive naman. Pero, a few days ago, I shaved my facial hair and I feel really ugly ulit. Thoughts about my ex and his bf, my past hookups were freaking coming back to me. I don't know why, but suddenly they were in my head.
Why can't I feel handsome all the time? Instead of indulging in pity and self-criticism. I am really trying to love myself, but I don't think I can escape this anytime soon. I've been suffering from this for years now.