u/therurrrrjurrrr

Is it normal for PPD/PPA to come and go throughout the months? I am 8 months postpartum. The way I’m feeling right now is very similar to how I felt 1-2 months PP, but I didn’t feel this way a month ago. It feels like I was on an upswing but have regressed for some reason.
I am feeling hopeless, have a sense of dread every night, feel like my baby would be better off with someone else, like I can’t do this.
I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that other people have felt this way. I’m already on an SSRI (have been for years) and in talk therapy. I don’t really know what else I can do other than wait it out.

I have an eight-month-old daughter and am a stay at home mom. I was diagnosed with POTS and ME/CFS at 16 years old. I am now 31. I had an absolutely horrible pregnancy where I was bedridden for about 5 months, not even able to look at my phone or tv without getting dizzy/nauseous most of the time. Now, I am gaining my stamina back, and I can do so many more things than I could while pregnant (walks around the neighborhood, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.), but I still feel like I’m struggling.

I know that having an infant is exhausting in its own right, but I feel like we don’t really *do* anything, and I don’t have the energy to clean the house. About 3 times a week I will cook dinner and maybe do one chore. If my mom takes my daughter for a few hours I can get another chore done. What I’m struggling with is feeling so, so, so tired (like waking up with 2 spoons sometimes, or in the negatives) and having accomplished nothing. I feel like a bad mom because I don’t do any like activities really with my daughter. We’ll go for a walk around the neighborhood sometimes and she has a ton of toys she plays with, but for some reason I don’t feel like I’m giving her enough enrichment or something, idk. By the time my husband gets home from work, he takes over with the baby for me (to an extent, I will still do some things), and I am completely crashed out exhausted.

I don’t feel like a good mom or wife, I’m struggling a lot with feeling like I don’t contribute to the household in either finances or housework, and every day feels like I’m drowning. Almost every night I’m full of dread for the next day to come. Yes, I do have the support of my mom, husband, and sister. I’m on zoloft and in therapy. It still really, really sucks.