Did I scare him away?
It's my first time posting anything ever so cut me some slack pls. EXTREMELY LONG POST‼️
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ChatGPT summarised version:
I’m 17F in college and matched with a 20M international student on OkCupid. I told him my real age from the start even though my profile said 19. Initially he said we should just stay friends because I was under 18, but after finding out the age of consent here is 16, we entered a talking stage.
We talked for a few days and eventually went on a first date at my campus because I felt safer meeting somewhere familiar. The date went really well — we spent hours talking, had dinner together, and there was some mild physical touch like hand-holding and hugging. He seemed caring, emotionally attentive, and told me he liked spending time with me and was looking for something emotional rather than physical.
Afterward, some friends warned me about stereotypes regarding his race and university, which made me more cautious and insecure around him. He later mentioned I had been acting a little mean or distant.
Before our second planned date, I casually brought up the idea of an innocent “sleepover,” but he misunderstood at first and thought I meant something sexual. I immediately clarified that I didn’t mean anything sexual, and he seemed okay with it afterward.
The next morning, I woke up to find out he had blocked me everywhere without explanation.
Earlier, he had told me about a traumatic experience with an ex who became emotionally unstable after they slept together very quickly, so now I’m wondering whether my sleepover comment triggered something in him, whether he misunderstood my intentions, lost interest suddenly, or was never actually as emotionally genuine as he seemed.
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Detailed version:
17F in college. I met this guy on okcupid and we matched so we started talking. I was honest with my age from the start (my profile said 19) as he was 20M. He's an international student studying here and at first he was just saying we should just be friends since I'm not an adult yet. I was alright with that as he was quite conversational and I thought it would be nice as compared to previous ppl I met online that are my age but speaks like they have only 10 words in their vocab.
However, as we started taking more (the total duration of our "thing" was only abt a week btw) he got to know that the age of consent is actually 16. And so i asked if he still wanted to stay strictly friends bcus i just wanted to know since i was interested in him too (that's y we matched in the first place) and he said he'd like to talk, like a talking stage type.
During this time, i was in another state visiting home and would only be back after 3 days. Once I was back in the state of my college, and started my first day of semester 3 (Monday), he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out after class.
I said no as I was nervous (I've nvr dated before nor gone on any dates). I don't rmb if I told him that or just told him that I didn't want to or was busy. However, I did agree to meeting him the next day (Tuesday). So by this time, we've only talked for four days, counting the day of Tuesday. He agreed to me asking to hanging out at my campus for our first date (I asked if it's a hangout or date and he said it's a date) as that would make me feel more safe and I'd be more comfortable in a familiar environment.
The meet up was great. He was aesthetically pleasing though not what usually would attract me if he was in a crowd. But he is good looking and tall too. I nvr thought height was important till I met him lol. Honestly, most of the ppl my race r ranged around 160-175 if u push it.
We talked for around 3.5 hrs before it was nearing dinner time and I suggested going tgt to a nearby mall for dinner since I was less nervous with him alr and felt ok leaving the campus.
We took the train (I wanted to), but I forgot it was rush hour and it was super packed. I thought it was sweet that he walked in front of me and reached a hand for me to grab when we were getting off so I didn't have to squeeze through a bunch of strangers. Then we went to have dinner and walked around the mall until like 9. He paid for all food stuffs and was kind enough to hold my 1L bulky bottle throughout the whole day. I'm just saying even I myself found the bottle a hassle to bring about but I need it)
After we came back to my campus, we sat done at my dorm's lobby while waiting for his cab. Anyways, that day ended pretty well. Things were conversational and he was nice as far as I could see. Idk if it was worth mentioning but we were slightly physical (just things like bumping knees and the train hand holding and he held my waist for stabilisation)
Once his car was here, we kinda hugged and said bye. Then on Wednesday and Thursdays, we didn't meet cus I had plans with a friend and then was busy. I remembered on Wednesday night when we called, he mentioned I was kinda being mean... cus on that day's afternoon, I had lunch with some female friends and they were warning me abt him which got me paranoid bcus they started stating stereotypes abt his race being players and the university that he goes to r clubbers and players.
Anyways, we planned to go on another date on Friday since I don't have class. So on Thursday night, while we were calling to plan for the date, I think I said smth that I shouldn't have after we finished planning. The conversation was kinda slowing down and I just said what I had in mind.
I asked him what he thought abt a sleepover.
He hesitated and said "maybe in a year". I understood what he meant and immediately said "nooo, not that kinda of sleepover. The kids kinda sleepover uk, not the ahem adult kinda sleepover". Then he said "ohhh, that kinda sleepover. That sounds nice".
After that, we talked a little while more and hanged up to go to sleep.
The next morning (date number 2), I checked my phone to see if he's awake and texted and to tell him that I'd be getting ready. Only to find out I've been blocked everywhere.
I rmb that he told me he got PTSD from his newest ex bcus they only known each other for 5 days and the girl insisted on going over to his apartment and ofc they did the deed. And he said the next day, he went out to play football/soccer with his friends and therefore didn't check his phones for hrs. And when he did, the girl was alr freaked, she called dozens of times and was freaking abt on whether he was out cheating or smth or wants to break up with her. He said it took his friends and her sister and him to calm her down cus she was threatening her own life. After that, he broke up with her but he said he needed counselling and couldn't date for like 5 months.
I'm just wondering if I triggered smth? But I clarified no funny business. And this is my first time dating, no way I'm doing anything like that. But he prob didn't know me well enough and maybe thought I was the type to sleep around? I did tell him I nvr dated before tho and he knew I was a virgin. I just think that if he was triggered maybe he shouldn't have said "yea that sounds nice" in a way that sounded ok. And maybe say smth before blocking. Now I'm left wondering if he just wasn't interested anymore or was it smth I said. I'm just so confused bcus he said all those nice things like he was attracted to me and liked spending time with me. When I got insecure and just confronted him with my concerns that my friends brought up abt his race, uni, and the fact that he's leaving the country in a year and most likely no come back even if he says he MIGHT be back for masters, he said what he's looking for isn't anything physical but emotional.
I just wanna know why he blocked me.