I just need to vent a second
I got out of an episode recently. It started 15 months ago and ended at about the 12.5 month mark.
I'm doing all the right things. I still haven't unlocked my social media. My Spotify still has a ton of music blocked. All my CDs are in the back of a closet that would be a bitch to get at. I'm working on myself and ensuring my goals are still aligned. Coming here has helped with feeling less alone.
I'm hitting a rough patch with some stuff in my life. And every time I go to face the toughest issue, I'm back in one of those fantasies. But empty and devoid of euphoria. I keep cutting it off when I realize what's happened a minute later. But I fucking hate how all the fantasies are just _there_, waiting for me. All their little details.
I know the solution is to stuff an audio book in it for the commute. The solution is to grab some ASMR before I go to confront such a huge, life-altering dilemma. I know it's my brain reacting to the stress and seeking something to take the edge off. I just fucking hate how it feels like a goddamned ambush.
Thank you for coming to listen to the vent. Drop your book or ASMR channel recs in the comments if you like.