u/throwaway4643367

i grew up extremely skinny. i was teased a lot by classmates and family members because of it, but praised by others too. overtime, i learned to embrace my thinness because older women would tell me things like, "you won’t have that body forever" and the thought of no longer being skinny terrified me.

i’m 22 now, and while still underweight, i’m beginning to notice certain parts of my body filling out. it’s as if the little body fat i do have ended up transferring to all the wrong places, i even have stretch marks on my butt now that didn’t use to be there. my chest is also big considering how small i am.

i weigh 100lbs and have struggled to gain weight all my life, for better or worse. i want to hold on to my youthful figure for the rest of my life despite how unrealistic that seems. i know my thoughts on this are skewed, and honestly i’m not sure why or how i became this way.

this guy i’ve been on and off with since december of last year reached out to me last weekend asking if i wanted to hang out. i said sure and we went to the movies and then back to his place (which he invited me to). we went to bed without doing anything sexual and he cuddled me to sleep. that was my first time staying overnight at his apartment.

the next morning, he woke up acting like a completely different person. he ignored me the whole time and even sat on his patio to clip his nails at one point (?). i wanted to ask if there was something i did wrong, but he isn’t the type to be open, so i left it alone.

once he finally came back inside, he started aimlessly cleaning before asking me if i wanted breakfast, but by then i was uncomfortable and about to be on my way out. i handed him back the clothes he gave me to sleep in, got dressed, and left.

it’s been two days and we haven’t talked. i think i’ve finally reached my wits end now. the moment i finally let my guard down and started to like him more, he pulled away.

i already know people will try pointing the finger at me and call me selfish for not having sex with him, but not once did he initiate it and i didn’t want to either. we were intimate many times in the past, but vowed to take things slower because we were moving too fast.

i feel like an idiot for letting myself be discarded by some guy who clearly only wanted his ego stroked for the umpteenth time. lesson learned.