I feel like the book is vague about levels of interest and doesn't talk about exceptions

A young adult coworker has been flirting with me and because of our age gap, im not keen on being the one pushing romance. I think I might be OK with if it isn't me seeking out her. *So gauging her interest to me is super important to whether or not I want to ask her out. However I cant tell if shes strongly interested or simply interested in attention, I have my opinion but I want yours

Im her trainer. Once out of training we will be considered peers. From the outset she has been very banter-y and forthcoming in conversation. 

Although we are required to take breaks at the same time, most coworkers go to their cars or elsewhere. Contrary to my 5-10 past trainees (one of which was about her age and two others I also had strong rapport with), she always takes breaks with me and follows me to whatever break room I want. She has also 2x asked if we can still take breaks together out of training. She additionally tried to get me to go a community event because she broke up with her bf who was gonna go, and she ended up not going since she didnt have anyone to go with. 

We also have had some accidental touching, and once she encouraged me to touch her even though I was trying to use an excuse not to, and another ahe allowed me to rub something off her face with my hand. She's brought up age gaps multiple times, once saying it's normal in her family, once telling me her age range, which extended well beyond my age.

Now playing devil's advocate, im not sure the break thing is impressive because at least on the job, she acts pretty extroverted and im far from the only one she at least somewhat banters with. She also felt like the workplace was a little toxic because my coworkers were being rude to me, so she might perceive me as the only friendly person there. After I said no to the event, she told someone else they (singular) should check it out. 

My workplace is also cramped and lends to at least a lesser degree accidental touching, and im attracted to her which may contribute. She mentioned setting me up with her friend who's her age in a light playful way, but then quickly said that the friend was too young for me 

Since I mentioned that I had a date on one of the days of the community event and couldn't check it out, shes started telling me about how shes entertaining this one guy around my age. She also beforehand pointed out a couple of different guys she thought were cute. At first she was talking about blowing him off, then she started implying they were hooking up. Now she says he dumped his feelings and she was taken back, and she found out this guy had sex with her cousin and told me because of that it wouldn't work out. She also later said she was too young for him. 

Ever since I touched her arm while complimenting her on a work skill and separately asked what her birthday was, her conversations have mostly been about the emotional mess of an ex she's breaking up with and this male orbiter, everything else she keeps pretty short and emotionally unengaged, although she has unprompted still expressed interest in sharing breaks and seriously agreed to me joking about her missing me once we stop training.

TL;DR young adult coworker flirting with me and i dont want to ask her out unless its something shes highly interested in. She wants my attention and time (possibly also outside of work) and communicated her openness to age gaps like ours and flirts with me but ramped up talking about other men she has attraction to after I mentioned a date I had being the reason i couldnt go to a community event she was going to and said i should check out and has been more quiet about other topics since I touched her arm and separately asked what her birthday was.

Long story short, she was showing imo strong interest until I ramped up texting daily and acted dopey. She stopped making definite commitments to dates. I stopped texting her first at all which was a huge contrast, prompting her to text me once checking in on me and again after our last plans fell through, but this time giving me the "better if we stay friends"

I'm responding this: "Hey! I could tell I was rushing things instead of letting something develop naturally, which was probably very awkard for you. However, I dont want to be platonic friends. If you are interested in something more casual and going with the flow, or change your mind about dating at a later date, feel free to reach out. It was fun to get to know you, [her name], thank you for being direct :)"

I saw Corey's video on this, but I don't want to ask her to be fwb because I think she's the type to perceive it as crass. I do however want feedback on if my wording still gets Corey's point across as to my counteroffer: romance without labels or real expectations.

I also aim to communicate that I know where I went wrong because I want her to know that if she reaches out, things may be different. I want feedback on this because I'm aware this could be unnecessarily explaining myself and groveling so to speak. I think me asserting my desires and wording it in a way so that she doesn't have to engage with it makes it non-needy.

I also hope the last line communicates no hard feelings, me rejecting her friend offer is not out of anger.

Feedback?

hello all

I've been going to a girl's town regularly for a sports club there and we will be going on a third date this weekend. I think she's close to being comfortable enough to get intimate, but I live 2 hours away and she lives with family.

On the second date she encouraged me to park in a remote location so we could make out. I asked her to cuddle in the backseat, to which she said that we wanted to but she also didn't want to be easy. I also tried kissing her neck and she shut me down, alluding to what that could escalate to. Since then she has teased me about behaving on the next date and asked if I've ever peed in a bottle before.

Even if these are not hints that she's thinking of more but holding off, I don't want to miss an opportunity if there is one, and I think one of the things she likes about me is how assertive I've been sexually.

However, I'm confused on how best to approach this. My friends suggest that trying to escalate in the car could be contributing to her possibly feeling "easy", and if that's true then I should get a hotel room.

If that's necessary, how would I successfully pull that without causing her to feel uncomfortable? Should I book before and then imply that I did it for reasons unrelated to her (although it really wouldn't be beneficial for the sports club activity, it would be a waste) but invite her to watch a movie? Or should I guage interest and ask her if she'd like to get a room to watch a movie if things are leading that way?

Hello guys. TL;DR at the end. I laid out details so yall could correct me if I'm delusional lol.

I've done a read through of the book but I feel like my situation is pretty niche.

Met the girl on OLD. After establishing some rapport and setting a date, I only texted her half a week later and once the day of. Both were aimed at implicitly telling her I wasn't going to ghost, and the one the day of was reminding her the time and place and also suggesting what she should wear. We went on the date.

What I thought were good interest indicators on the date:

-she complimented my hair (however literally everyone in my life does this)

-she complimented my eyes

-she said I had manly hands (however, she may have been prompted by me noticing her hands were longer)

-she tried to suggest an alternate 3rd location that would have extended the date at least by 30 minutes longer

-she was receptive to holding hands, escorting, and hand around waist

-she suggested petting her hair

-even though she said the kiss was awkward, she asked if I wanted to kiss her again

-she asked if the drive was "worth it" at the end

-she touched me casually, especially in a caring way when I talked about my food allergy reactions

-she joked about me running a red light because I was looking at her

-we went to four different locations and the date ended after four hours (because I wanted to go back home)

What I feel was less than ideal:

-I went straight for the kiss with little hesitation (a little could've provided tension)

-I was a bit short responding to her asking if it was worth it (I told her yes then kissed her)

-Afterward she asked if I made it back safely. She did not say anything about the date itself or wanting to see me (however she is not American and she is an introvert, so I don't really think that means much)

I asked her out again the day after, asking her on a tennis date since she had mentioned her and her friend did tennis. She said it was a good idea and she would bring her friend because they already had plans that day and that way we could still spend time together. I went along with it because she is a full time student and full time worker, I felt she had shown strong interest and trust, and I was confident I could turn the meeting into a date after we had met the friend for a while. Leading up to it, I increased my texting to about once every couple of days. She "initiated" once but it was responding to me having liked her posts and having previously requested her digitally send me something (not of herself). Otherwise i felt the energy was still matched.

Leading up to the date I warned her that I was sick but was expecting to be asymptomatic the day of the date. The day of I let her know that while I still had symptoms, I had been getting better for days and was unlikely to be contagious. She wanted to make sure I could handle the physicality when I had been sick, then let me know that her friend couldn't make it and her own car was being serviced. I told her I could pick her up, and when she asked if I was sure, I told her yes. We went on the date.

What I think were good interest indicators:

-I mean, obviously the face of it. Going out with someone still having symptoms of a cold.

-She was receptive to all the same gestures as the first date

-She called me handsome (however, this was a little bit after I called her gorgeous)

-She payed for my racket when I forgot to transfer money (however, it would've been pretty awkward otherwise)

-She complimented how I smelled

-When I asked if she was comfortable with kissing me when I had been sick, she said she didn't want to kiss in public but didn't want to reject me, then later implied we park somewhere remote to kiss

-We made out extensively

-She quietly asked me if we could kiss again one of the times we had stopped

-When I asked if we could cuddle in the back seat, she did reject me because she didn't want to seem easy but she also said she wanted to

-She played with my hair (however, this was after I stroked her face)

-She had clothes in her lap when I put my hand on her thigh when we drove back, she later removed them after turning off the AC so I was touching her bare thigh

-She compared my appearance to one of the Disney princes

-when we did a light kiss goodnight, she gave me a look like she still wanted to make out

-Including time to and fro her house, the date was nearly six hours long

What happened that may have been less than ideal:

-I made out with her chin for a second LMAO

-She stopped me kissing her neck (I thought she kissed mine, and she either did or just nuzzled it) telling me something like that it dangerous in a serious tone

-I stroked her face and called her gorgeous in a sort of dramatic tone

-She only texted me goodnight and sleep well with a smiley later

Following this date, I again texted her plans the next day. I had a job interview in the middle of the next week, so I said my plans were tentative. Either the interviews werent successful, and we could do a definitive date on Friday, or I would feel they were, and we could do a vague exploration of the area I would be moving to sometime that Sunday evening. I would be getting a hotel if it were the latter option so I could be there longer. She replied that her parents were maybe going to take her to something else Friday, and she would let me know the day before. I suggested similar options Sunday (but the more definitive date was midday), and she said it sounded "possible".

I realized after the interview that they may not immediately get back to me, and so I did not let her know which option I was sticking with. We were texting every day, and while she did not initiate any of it, she did continue some conversation even when I was just texting her a close ended good morning. I felt the energy was matched, until the date of the interviews.

The day of the interviews I stopped texting her and dropped off a DIY bracelet I made to replace her evil eye bracelet she was texting me about. I texted her later that evening because I thought she would've been off work by then (she wasn't) and I didn't want a porch pirate getting the gift. I was vague about what I left at her house, and I could tell her texts had some apprhension about what was at her house. She texted me later apologizing for being in the shower and she sent some excited texts about the bracelet and my interviews. I responded a little but told her we would have to call since I was about to be on a long drive and she called me. We talked for an hour. I can't say for sure because I couldn't hear her perfectly through the phone, but it sounded like she said "*love you*, goodnight". I know she said goodnight. She did not seem rushed, but I know it still could've been a mistake if she did say it. I said it back. I probably hesitated a little bit, but in that moment and every moment we had spent in person, I felt appreciated and that she was someone I naturally got along with and liked. I felt regretful near the end of my drive because while I felt like I had a solid feeling about our chemistry by now and knew a good bit about her, I did not feel like she knew nearly enough about me to make that judgement for herself.

she had told me to text me when I got home, and we both exchanged a text goodnight and she sent me a heart and thank you for the gift, which I reciprocated.

The next day was Thursday and I waited for her to tell me what her parents Friday plans were. She never texted, so late Thursday I texted and asked. She replied hours later and said she had taken a nap and then told me her and her parents were going Friday. I suggested the vague Sunday plan again and she said she was "thinking of taking this weekend off" to submit a big project. I texted her "oo good luck" and then went to bed, I was asleep when she texted me an hour later thanking me and asking if I was in bed already. I let her know the next morning I had fallen asleep, then we talked about how her day out with her parents was. I joked with her, wished her goodnight and then I did not text her again.

Three days later she asked me if I was alive. I took this opportunity to call her to set a date and explain that I have been busy with the apartment hunting. We chatted for a couple minutes, she gave a wishy washy "ill let you know" and I did the takeaway. She then agreed to two weeks out date because the next weekend is her dad's birthday. we both said goodnight and I texted her the plans we made.

What now? I think she likes me a lot but is super testing me and uncertain if she should continue because I displayed needy behavior especially by texting so much and she's frightened by the call+bracelet+love you at once. I know that "only text to set dates even when it's two weeks out". But I feel like that may fail this shit test too because I had mistakenly established a norm in this dynamic (texting every day), and now i feel that completely changing the dynamic so drastically will be seen by her as retaliation for her not taking the original date.

I think it may be wise to do a short call under 20 minutes this weekend just to ask her about her week. I think the wisdom of corey's recommendations seems to be justified by my experiences, but I feel like this situation calls for some flexibility.

TL;DR OLD girl, I only texted once a week before first date, 2-3 times per week before second date, after second date I slipped up and texted every day, me nearly always initiator. I also texted for next date morning after each date. While she seemed solidly attracted to me on both dates and returned similar energy to me when texting, she gave me a "text to confirm day before" sorta thing for the third date. I acted in new ways that could easily be observed as lovesick and she rejected because of school project when I suggested a different day for the third date after she confirmed she had plans. I stopped texting (after another day of light joking and asking about her day), and she hit me up three days later asking if I was alive. I called her and after she gave a wishy washy response to a definitive date next weekend, a standard takeaway later and she agreed to a definitive date two weeks out because of her dad's birthday being the weekend in between .

I don't know if the rule only to text to set appointments applies to this situation because it could easily be seen as retaliation since I had mistakenly set a norm of texting every day. I think a short call on the weekend in between could avoid that perception and also maintain the goals of the rule. I want advice on how to proceed.

I took a girl out on a date that I had been flirting with and fantasizing about and who always was on my radar in terms of pretty girls. Leading up to it I was extremely nervous, it's my first true date in over a decade.

When she got there, she was not wearing something as impressive as I imagined and it threw me off. Although we had a great time and I think she's a great person, I found myself analyzing her face and considering whether or not me complimenting her attractiveness would be genuine. However, there were many points where I found her attractive and wanted to touch her, and I was aroused by kneeling and tying her skates for her.

After the date, I was in heavy doubt. I had already questioned my attraction to her before but it passed and I had asked her out. Now it was in full swing.

I looked it up online and I found ROCD. I already have OCD tendencies, e.g. as a kid I had major and irrational germaphobia. Upon reflection, most crushes I've recently had, I have had tons of mental analysis into my physical attraction for them. One recent one I even pointed out to a coworker how pretty she was (I never do this), and I still found myself questioning it on some of her IG photos.

I'm beginning to think this is a pattern for me that proves ROCD is involved.

Is there any way to help distinguish between not being physically attracted enough to date her vs just having ROCD?

I lean towards thinking I should just full send, because I obviously have had attraction to her at many points, I deeply want to spend more time with her, and I was super anxious leading up to the date. I question if I just like the attention and am settling for someone I don't want simply to meet my needs, and I used to think that I want a partner who I have no doubts that I find attractive. Now I think this will always be a struggle for me and I need to fight it to get this fantastic woman.