I’m just getting into the book and started initiating texting much less and she still does about 80-90% of the text initiation but when we go 2 days without texting I still get a little anxious as to what I’m doing is doing anything.
Everything is fine otherwise, but how do you manage that personally?
I’m 21M and my girlfriend recently broke up with me after roughly 8 months.
One thing I keep thinking about is that I never made her orgasm during our relationship.
Earlier in the relationship our sex life was actually pretty regular. For a period we were having sex roughly every week, sometimes more. She told me she enjoyed having sex with me and was something she liked. She never told me that the sex was bad or that she was sexually unsatisfied with me.
However, she never orgasmed with me.
She had told me that an ex had made her orgasm around 2–3 times in their relationship, so I know she is capable of orgasming with a partner. She can also orgasm by herself much more easily.
I definitely cared about her pleasure. I researched it, tried to pay attention to what she liked, and I was willing to use oral/fingers rather than just focusing on penetration. Even times when I lasted over an hour she wouldn’t orgasm. The issue was that she was quite difficult to get feedback from sexually. She generally was against receiving oral very much, didn’t like being fingered by a partner, rarely initiated sex, and wasn’t particularly communicative about what would get her off. Sometimes she would basically start sex without being very horny and see whether she got into it as we continued.
She also told me she could go months without masturbating and generally seemed to have a low libido. She said there was sometimes only around one week of the month where she actually felt noticeably horny.
Later in the relationship the entire sexual dynamic changed.
She became extremely stressed with university and said stress made it difficult for her to get into a sexual headspace. She was also taking Accutane/isotretinoin and became very dry, and penetration started hurting her. Our sex frequency eventually dropped to around once a month or even less, and I barely had opportunities anymore to actually experiment and learn what worked for her.
This was frustrating coz I’m a guy and I wanted us to work on it together. Toward the end, though, she told me that sometimes she felt stressed about coming over because she knew I would probably want sex even tho I never pressured her.
When she broke up with me, sex was not the only reason she gave. There were some pretty major long-term issues too. I definitely want children one day and she was around 80/20 toward not wanting them. She wanted to focus heavily on university/career and seemed to want a more independent lifestyle than I did. We also had some differences around health/values. So I understand there were multiple reasons for the breakup.
What I’m struggling with is whether the orgasm issue could have been a major underlying reason she gradually lost romantic/sexual attraction, even if she never consciously said that.
I recently heard dating advice claiming that if a man consistently fails to sexually satisfy a woman, eventually her attraction/respect for him drops, regardless of how well he treats her otherwise. Basically, that emotional support, attention, dates, etc. cannot compensate for a woman associating a man with mediocre sex.
Part of me thinks there may be truth in that, and it’s brutal to think that maybe if I had been able to make her orgasm consistently, the sexual connection would have been strong enough that she would have been more motivated to stay and work through the other issues but idk.
The other part of me looks at what actually happened and thinks it doesn’t fit perfectly. She wasn’t constantly asking for sex and leaving disappointed because she didn’t orgasm. She progressively wanted sex less, had a naturally low libido, became stressed, experienced dryness/pain, and eventually started seeing sex itself as another source of pressure.
Does this situation sound like poor sexual satisfaction could realistically have driven the loss of interest, or am I taking one thing I regret and turning it into the explanation for a breakup that had several other causes?
I’m completely willing to accept that I could have been a better lover and I want to improve for future relationships. I’m specifically trying to distinguish “this is something I should learn from” from “this is probably why she stopped wanting me.”
TL;DR: My ex enjoyed sex with me but never orgasmed with me. Her ex had made her orgasm a few times. I cared about her pleasure and wanted to learn, but she had low libido, gave limited sexual feedback, later developed dryness/pain and major uni stress, and our sex life largely disappeared. She eventually broke up with me for several reasons including kids/future incompatibility, stress and sexual pressure. I’m wondering whether never making her orgasm could secretly have been a major reason her attraction declined, or whether I’m over-attributing the breakup to something I regret.
Hey guys,
Corey talks a lot about changing your mindset and becoming the kind of guy who naturally doesn't chase, doesn't seek validation, has standards, lives his own life, etc.
But I'm wondering where the line is between actually integrating those principles (until it becomes natural and you almost totally forget about them) and consciously trying to follow them like a step by step instruction.
For example:
Performance:
“I shouldn't show her too much interest because I don't want to come across as needy.”
Integration:
“I like her, so I'm going to show it. I just don't need her to like me back.”
The behaviour might look pretty similar from the outside, but the mindset behind it is completely different.
I think the same thing applies to confidence, masculinity, vulnerability, not being needy, and so on.
If you're constantly thinking “What would a 3% man do here?”, it seems like you're still relying on the framework rather than actually having internalized it.
So for guys who have followed Corey Wayne for years, did you eventually get to a point where you stopped thinking about the 3% principles altogether and stopped being let's say robottic?
What did that transition look like for you?
Did the principles eventually just become natural, or do you still consciously think about them when dating?
And if you've ever felt like you were trying too hard to “do 3% correctly,” what helped you move past that?
I feel like the book is vague about levels of interest and doesn't talk about exceptions
A young adult coworker has been flirting with me and because of our age gap, im not keen on being the one pushing romance. I think I might be OK with if it isn't me seeking out her. *So gauging her interest to me is super important to whether or not I want to ask her out. However I cant tell if shes strongly interested or simply interested in attention, I have my opinion but I want yours
Im her trainer. Once out of training we will be considered peers. From the outset she has been very banter-y and forthcoming in conversation.
Although we are required to take breaks at the same time, most coworkers go to their cars or elsewhere. Contrary to my 5-10 past trainees (one of which was about her age and two others I also had strong rapport with), she always takes breaks with me and follows me to whatever break room I want. She has also 2x asked if we can still take breaks together out of training. She additionally tried to get me to go a community event because she broke up with her bf who was gonna go, and she ended up not going since she didnt have anyone to go with.
We also have had some accidental touching, and once she encouraged me to touch her even though I was trying to use an excuse not to, and another ahe allowed me to rub something off her face with my hand. She's brought up age gaps multiple times, once saying it's normal in her family, once telling me her age range, which extended well beyond my age.
Now playing devil's advocate, im not sure the break thing is impressive because at least on the job, she acts pretty extroverted and im far from the only one she at least somewhat banters with. She also felt like the workplace was a little toxic because my coworkers were being rude to me, so she might perceive me as the only friendly person there. After I said no to the event, she told someone else they (singular) should check it out.
My workplace is also cramped and lends to at least a lesser degree accidental touching, and im attracted to her which may contribute. She mentioned setting me up with her friend who's her age in a light playful way, but then quickly said that the friend was too young for me
Since I mentioned that I had a date on one of the days of the community event and couldn't check it out, shes started telling me about how shes entertaining this one guy around my age. She also beforehand pointed out a couple of different guys she thought were cute. At first she was talking about blowing him off, then she started implying they were hooking up. Now she says he dumped his feelings and she was taken back, and she found out this guy had sex with her cousin and told me because of that it wouldn't work out. She also later said she was too young for him.
Ever since I touched her arm while complimenting her on a work skill and separately asked what her birthday was, her conversations have mostly been about the emotional mess of an ex she's breaking up with and this male orbiter, everything else she keeps pretty short and emotionally unengaged, although she has unprompted still expressed interest in sharing breaks and seriously agreed to me joking about her missing me once we stop training.
TL;DR young adult coworker flirting with me and i dont want to ask her out unless its something shes highly interested in. She wants my attention and time (possibly also outside of work) and communicated her openness to age gaps like ours and flirts with me but ramped up talking about other men she has attraction to after I mentioned a date I had being the reason i couldnt go to a community event she was going to and said i should check out and has been more quiet about other topics since I touched her arm and separately asked what her birthday was.
We’ve been broken up since February, we dated 3 years and she immediately began dating other people . Told be so many flaws about me when I was trying to convince her to change her mind and eventually after finally getting closure I told her fine she’d never hear from me again and I finally let go. I began dating a new girl in May Iv been talking to her for 5 months and it’s been good and fun but now my ex has begun to text me .
She first texted me 3 weeks ago that she was in the area she came over and immediately began to make out with me and she said no to sex but gave me a bj .she only stayed for 20 minutes before she left and again didn’t contact me again
. Now again she called me this week on Wednesday she said she was in the dmv close to my house and I said ok? Did you want me to go there ? I’m only free for 30 minutes if so . And she asked what my days off where am maybe we can grab some lunch . I told her sure just let me know in advanced .
I know Corey Wayne says make her come to my place sp what do I do if she brings up going to eat somewhere ? Should I just join her ? Honestly my current girl has been taking care of my sexual needs so I honestly don’t care to much about sex but I’m just curious about the situation