I keep hearing these strange loud bangs outside, started about an hour ago. Are they gun shots? Should I call the cops? Sean Ryan? Spiderman? The avengers? Any help?
The Buffalo Bill's owner and self described terrorist Terry Pegula has converted to Buddhism ahead of the 2026 season. Terry plans to lead the Bills through his new religion, for example, the new stadium will " help fans embrace their spiritual and emotional center by separating them from their excess love of money." Terry continued "By charging 10K per seat they are no longer bound to this world finically and are fully able to embrace their inner self."
Terry has incorporated his beliefs in every aspect of a Sunday night game day experience. "We even removed all the parking lots so people have to walk to the games, we hope this allows people to connect to their community and find fellowship." His radical new approach even applies to the Bills on field performance.
"What I have learned about the four nobel truths." Terry preached "is that suffering is enviable, and we must find peace in that suffering. Just look at Jet fans, how they have found inner peace" (The jets went 3-14 last year) "I hope to bring something like that here." Terry exclaimed. When asked if he hopes to beat the Jets losing streak Terry said "I think in someways we already have, they won the Super bowl 50 years ago and the Bills are still maintaining our losing streak "
News channel 69 wished to continue their coverage, but got too distracted when that sexy beast of a man Josh Allan walked in.
Hello fellow humans, I am human who is moving to the city known as buffalo. I come from Mars and would like to know how much money things costs.
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Please fill out the forms in the appropriate way to insure no lost translation:
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Rent:
Transportation:
Gambling:
Drugs:
Food:
Alcohol:
Buffalo season passes:
Credit card number:
Csv:
Expiration date:
Social security:
Date of birth:
Home address:
Email:
Password:
Bank account:
Bank login:
Phone pin:
Fingerprints:
Facial ID:
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Thank you for corporation advanced.
You are not alone. One in five circle jerks suffer from a fear of jerkin' it on main. The other four? already banned. You can help a jerker today by letting them know they're not alone. Because you can't circle jerk without friends.
As summer starts to heat up, many Western New Yorkers have taken to the forests to cool off, but experts warn of a hidden danger. College of orthopaedic and dentition at celcus professor M.D. D.O. D.D.S. D.O.D and prestige 10 in COD, Dr. Homes warns of consuming local weed growing in Western New York Forests. " It's a real problem" Dr. Homes said, " people see a plant with pointy leafs and just roll it up and smoke it, not knowing weather they are about to have a good time or if they just smoked poison Ivy."
According to the Buffalo General Hospital at least 13 kids and teens were admitted for smoking poison Ivy so far this year We talked with Noah, with the permission of his hot single mother. " Ya man it was totally lame me and some buddies were out hiking with some baddies and saw the weed. We thought all weed was weed but like some weed is not weed ya know. Anyways my friends had to carry me here and it felt like a thousand red ants were biting my lungs."
Erie county officials remind residents to only smoke weed from sticker stores or from his buddy greg and not from random plants in our forests.
News Channel 69 reminds you to stay safe this summer, and will follow up after our date with a recently divorced mom
As corporate celebrations of pride this June fall flat once again in 2026, North Tondawanda is stepping up. Saturday June 20th the 6th annual pride parade will be taking place at heritage park.
The mayor Austin Tylec, will be hosting a kissing booth where residents can hold his soft liberal hands and stare into his beautiful eyes as they pucker up. Profits from the booth will be going towards a fund to clean up all the genesse beer cans out of the waterways ahead of Canal fest next month. Like kissing the homies good night, it's not gay if it's in June.
Buffalo will also be hosting pride June 7th, but despite Sean Ryan being a zaddy he will not be kissing anyone during the parade, which is very homophobic if you ask me.
News Channel 69 will follow this story and any developments in Austin's well moisturized lips
While Sean Ryan expands his hole filling agenda in the north, many south town residents are left seeking answers to their unfilled holes along major roads such as South Park ave, and Louisiana st. One resident from the First Ward, Patrick O'quiffry, was out spoken about the gaping holes in his neighborhood "Aye, she swallowed a trolley right up to the windows, mind. Fair lethal, it was—yon bobby-dazzler just bobbin' in and oot."
Which my translator assured me was bad.
This comes after Ryan was more than happy to fill the holes of Main street extending down through the medical campus, theater district, and celsius (tm) University. When News channel 69 reached out to Sean Ryan about this, his office responded " Stop calling me daddy, and telling me to fill your southern holes you freak. I thought I blocked you already don't make another burner account."
News channel 69 will continue to report on this once we bought more twitter accounts.
Excitement is filling the air in West Seneca as the ribbon cutting ceremony for Smoker's Paradise vape shop opens today. Located on Union and Seneca across the street from prism smoke shop next to smoke buddies, parallel to Smoker's Haven, down the street from Smoker's hut, adjacent to both 59 cloud and 69 cloud vape stores and in proximity to South gate smokes and liquor.
Gary Dickson, proudly attended the ribbon cutting and made a 37 minutes speech talking about conspiracy theories where he contained him self to only using one slur this time and how this development is another step in economic growth for the region.
When interviewing Smoker's Paradise owner, Chad Baldwin, about the business decision to open a vape shop 20ft from 3 other vape shops he noted that south bound traffic on Union had no available options without making a lefthand turn and who wants to go through all that while high out of their mind on spice.
Channel 69 News will follow up on this story in about a month when they inevitably close down.
Several West Seneca residence have voiced concerns on Facebook that the Union, Clinton bridge which began construction in 2025 hasn't had a single person working on it since early Fall. Despite mounting pressure from citizens, NYSDOT only comment was "get rekt, maybe we'll blow the damn bridge up. How'd you like that." In light of this development the West Seneca Police department will be providing boats across the buffalo river for $5 per wagon and $1 per person or cattle. WSPD recommended this over other options as it reduces the risk of developing dysentery. When asked for comment from West Seneca town supervisor Gary Dickson was too belligerently drunk at his co-workers cookie shop to respond. News Channel 69 will continue to follow this story as it develops.