What to say to acquaintances who want to talk about the size of my body?
TW- Weight loss, ED, and internalizing anti- body positive comments.
I’m in my early 40s, and have spent most of my life yo-yo dieting, having a disordered relationship with food, a disordered relationship with my body, and undiagnosed ADHD. I am a girl born in the 80, after all.
When I became a mother to girls, my brain rewired and I dove headfirst into the body positivity movement. I did not want my girls to have the same messages seared into their brains that I did. I changed the way I thought about my body, because I didn’t want my girls to hate their bodies like I did. My mombod became neutral territory. The size of my body is not something I need to spend time ruminating about. I committed to never counting a calorie again, and sending messages to my kids about food as nourishment, balance, and joy. It’s been amazing for my mental health. I teach my kids to not make comments about the way people’s bodies look, because every body is just their body. Bodies are neutral.
Also, when you’re overweight, acquaintances don’t talk to you about the size of your body (usually).
Two years ago, due to some new diagnoses, some new medication, and a highly stressful job, I started losing weight. The first 50lbs came off over the course of about a year. People started noticing. “You look great!” is something I started hearing a lot. That fucks with you when you’re not used to hearing it. In my head- I’m hearing it because my body is smaller than it used to be. I’m smaller, and now I look great. Way to undo a literal decade of work in therapy, random acquaintances!
So I began responding with “thanks, so do you!” But sometimes, that seems to make people think it’s cool to just start a conversation about the size of my body. It’s not! Stop doing that!
But then I got diagnosed with ADHD (thanks perimenopause!), and started meds. I dropped more weight, this time pretty quickly. Now everyone notices. It’s all they want to talk about. This is my first summer wearing a single digit sized swimsuit in 20 years. I’m seeing people at the pool for the first time since last summer. And everyone wants to talk about the size of my body.
I didn’t take GLPs, I never attempted to lose any weight, and I see my doctors regularly because there’s a lot going on with my health. The health issues that brought me to this point are COMPLICATED and none of the acquaintances in my life deserve any kind of explanation about the size of my body. But here we are.
What do I SAY to these people? I’m good at making things awkward, but I swear I never do that on purpose. I’ve mumbled the most random things to people.
We haven’t seen each other since last summer! There have got to be more interesting things to catch up on than the size of my body.
I’m hoping there are other women here who have lived life as a Body Positivity graduate on both sides of the scale. With culture swinging in the opposite direction from body positivity, it feels like I’ve got a lot of work to do when talking to people and modeling the messages I want my girls to hear.
I’ll add that I’m a school teacher, and well known in my community. I have to be professional, even when I’m at the pool. Oh how I wish I could say “what a weird thing to say!” to people who make weird comments about the size of my body, but the consequences would make my life harder. So has anyone found anything that works to shut it down and not make it too weird?
TLDR- I’ve spent so many years working to make my body neutral grounds in my brain because I don’t want my kids to struggle like I did, and now that I’ve lost weight (not on purpose) acquaintances keep striking up conversations about the size of my body. I want tips on what to say to shut down the conversations without making it too weird.