u/tinpot-tinkerer

I've been homebound for the past two years and deteriorating due to agoraphobia and ocd. I do not have the capacity to go out at all.

The help from my gp is limited to advice on anxiety, discussing symptoms and providing medication. They also have tried to refer me to a community mental health team that didn't help and limited me to initial assesments three times.

I recently had a crisis where I felt like I couldn't go on and when i called single point of access, they just told me they had a referral and that the community mental health team would reach out next day. They didn't.

I feel like i'm not getting adequate care or escalation relative to what i'm going through. My agoraphobia has made my house my only safe space and i can not even function outside. If i can't do that, I don't feel like it's worth holding on.

Am i saying the wrong things on call because i geniunely don't know how other people get escalation or get taken seriously. I feel so pathetic hoping for help that never comes but also too broken to do anything about it myself. Believe me i tried because i didn't get any help but i just collapsed into myself because of failure. I just want enough help to stabilise and reclaim my life

I'm trying to stay positive but being facially ugly and socially awkward due to neurodivergence feels like a death sentence and that i will likely be stuck in a settling marriage later in life.

I'm 22m, never been in a relationship, never had sex, never talked to women with romantic or sexual intent.

I'm frustrated because I feel like it's because of factors beyond my control such as genetics and neurodivergence. And i'm gaslight that it's my personality when i'm rejected for how i look and made to chase delusional standards with something people get so easily.

I wouldn't be lying when i say i'm concerned because it shows a trend. I said when i was in my teens i would wait till i was a bit older and it's been a few years later, i wouldn't be suprised i'm still the same when i reach thirty.

I haven't used dating apps, because i'm geniunely ugly. Like i know in the pool of all the people in the app, my profile would stand out so much to the point i'd get mocked or no person would take a chance on me. I say take a chance because my looks let me down so much that it turns from being expected to assert yourself to just hoping they aren't repulsed.

I want a connection with someone else, casual or serious, i want to hold someone, confess and make love to. My life is fulfilling in other aspects but this feels like a big hole and it's affecting me to the point it hurts. I can't lie to myself. I wiggle and writhe out of desire. I just crave it so bad but i'm disappointed i don't look physically attractive enough to get it. I also try to understand the opposite genders need, i'm just put off by my appearance as it would make me come across as creepy alongside my social awkwardness.

I would also kindly request that people offering advice such as "work on who you are" or "nobody is owed sex" to not engage as it offers nothing constructive and i have explored those lines of thinking. If anyone has advice or share these sentiments let me know what you think.