u/tinybabyyy

Assalamualaikum.

To the mods, I really hope this doesn't break any rules, so please don't take it down, I really need to talk about this.

I'm not going to tell my story in full detail unless asked in the comments. I'm not here to burden anyone. I just am writing this with a very heavy heart.

I am someone who struggled their entire life with Bipolar disorder, autism, ADD, went undiagnosed most of my life. First time I was suicidal I was 7, thought I was the only one to ever want to or try to kill themselves. then it all went downhill from there with constant belittling and emotional abuse by my mother when my symptoms would surface. My brothers watched it all and learned to disrespect and look down on me as well.

Now that we're grown up, my dad bought a house for us in a city with what was supposed to be my private college funds (I still went to a public one, unlike my brothers), then, he forced me to live in that house with only my brothers, without my parents present. Not allowed to move out even when I worked and made my own money.

My older brother got married and thanks to his wife and future daughter, he is a much better person now. But my life with my little brother looks like this: Saying "salam" very coldly after I had my mom talk him into it, and after he became a little more devout as a Muslim. Never talking to me unless it's indirect when he's talking me down to family right to my face. Deliberately disrespecting me by doing things he knows infuriate me like leaving dishes scattered everywhere, not cleaning up after he eats, cooks, etc, ignoring the food I make for him and cooking and leaving a mess, eating snacks I buy for myself even when they're hidden, leaving the bathroom very messy (a progress after not allowing me to use it in the first place the first year we lived together).

I know these sound like silly problems, but here's the thing. My brother used to physically abuse me up until he was 18 and stopped talking to me altogether. That left me with PTSD so bad that seeing him would give me panic attacks. Being in my own room and hearing him walk through the door is enough to make my heart race and fill me with unexplainable anger and depressive episodes. My parents going back home after a visit making me depressed enough I'll stop eating real meals until they're back. Not going to the bathroom when I need to because I'm scared he'll need it and get angry or I'll find it dirty and get angry.

I tried to escape by applying to school in Italy but my visa processes didn't go smoothly. I had multiple therapists talk to my parents about how dangerous my situation is: I'm at a point where I could risk a heart attack or being crippled, I lost my ability to work and/or study, walk long distances, etc (I was the top of my college). I am currently physically unable to move, I get these when my depression gets too bad. I already got diabetes and a few addictions in middlle school. I'm unable to pray consistently and the guilt makes me even more depressed, then that makes praying even harder. Vicious cycle. My parents' response: indifference, thinking (and saying) I'm pathetic, lazy, and spoiled.

I don't know what kind of advice to ask for. Just.. any. Please.

Shbina walina haka? yekhi shbih el customer fi tounes treated like a second class citizen wely yaamellek fi any kind of service kayenou aamel aalik mzeya? we're way past l dismissive way of talking w resting bitch face, these 3 instances stayed with me and I wanted to see if anyone experienced similar shit

1. barsha marat people blatantly ask for tips before you even begin to pay "fameshi pourboire?" and this is an actual conversation i had with a delivery person: "1500" "n3am?" "l pourboire, 1500" (glovo)
2. a shopkeeper refusing to sell me shampoo cause she thought it wasn't right for my hair and when i insisted bdet tkob fih me dabouza w taamelly "hah shampooing aady rahou nothing special" w baad sabetly noss dabouza w madetheli (aqua coif)
3. lyoum i found a 20% coupon fi app aadit commande more than i can afford w fi lekher didn't show up in the final invoice, dima tsir m3ahom so i decided to call, s2elny what type of phone i use. "aaaah, dima tsir m3ahom hethoukom, try an android" as if i walk around with 2 phones, qotlou yaadi heli men aandou qaly i can't on my end tetaada ken m tel. qotlou ycancelha qaly lahtha barka, awka aadithelek (he didn't and i knew khatr matal3etlish fl app) kif je livreur kalamhom qalou mafamesh menha l promo so i insisted aadewly wahda jdida. kudos l livreur ely tala3ly lcommande l west residence w bqa m3ahom b tel w was so nice and patient about it yarhm weldih, he was paid for his efforts. (yassir)

as someone who's worked in customer service myself this is just as bad as "the customer is always right" mentality, even worse cause it's disrespectful to you as a person