I’m so angry. I ugly cried.
WHY?!?!?!
Why was it necessary to continue dumping trauma on her?! She deserved to be happy. I’m pissed. I hated it. I’m writing an alternate ending in my head😠
Am I alone in this?!
I have a stim that drives me fucking bonkers. I’ll get a song stuck in my head, but only like one or two lines of said song.
And then all throughout a day or an activity, that one line will repeat itself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
The stim: it’s not just playing in my head, but I’ll also absentmindedly do this half whistle thing, like barely making any sound, no one else would be able to hear it unless they were standing really close, but i can hear it myself slightly.
For example, yesterday i was hiking and got “Please Don’t Bury Me” by John Prine in my head somehow. For the first little while it was “give my stomach to Milwaukee, if they run out of beer…” over and over and over and over. Then it switched to, “Sell my heart to the juuuunk maaan and give my love to Rose” over and over and over and over. Just hiking on an absolutely gorgeous day, trying to enjoy nature and be at peace, but i can stop doing this weird breathy whistle thing and singing about beer and the junk man in my head. The opposite of peaceful. I was literally saying “PLEASE STOP” out loud to myself throughout the day lol.
Anyone relate to this? Has anyone ever successfully been able to shut this shit off?! It’s pretty much been my entire life, but I feel like I’m getting more sensitive to it as I get older. I want to experience slow, soft, quiet thoughts, and be able to focus on what’s in front of me at least SOMETIMES, especially when I’m spending time in nature. And the songs are so effing arbitrary, like why is Poker Face by Lady Gaga randomly accompanying me to this waterfall 😑
Please. Any tips. Any advice. I don’t want to wear headphones constantly, I like being able to hear the birds and water. I’ve tried meditation. I try speaking mantras to myself while I’m walking. Or even just narrating my breath (“Breathing in, I am breathing in… Breathing out, I am breathing out.”) it works for the couple mins I do it, but then I get quiet, experience a minute or two of peace, and before I know it, GIVE MY STOMACH TO MILWAUKEE!😩
HELP MEEEEEEEEE
I need to lift my spirits today. What are everyone’s favorite trails for wildflowers? Anything unusual? So far this year I’ve seen trillium, jack-in-the-pulpit, Dutchman’s breeches, spring beauty, bluets, skunk cabbage, mayapple, trout lily, blue violets… and maybe a couple more.
I have traveled to specific spots in years past to see wild hyacinth and lady slipper orchids. Both of those were further west, like at least a couple hours from Cleveland. Wondering if there’s anything unique, that’s closer to here, that would be worth checking out.
Thanks!🌼🌸🪻