u/torijaneluvu

She has been living with me for almost 4 months now due to us being homeless prior. I had gotten away bc she moved in with my mom and her horrible boyfriend. (that was supposed to be our plan after hotels, but I didn’t trust my mom to not bring her boyfriend around) Then I met my boyfriend who I moved in with literally right after meeting him bc I was that desperate for a safe haven. My family had charged over 1k on my credit card when I didn’t have the means to pay it back. I’m still sitting at about 900 and it’s been over a year.

We’re having problems now because she cannot live without having cat food just sitting around and trash in her room exposed, next to her.. I have 2 dogs that will go into her room, eat the cat food and then they throw it up. That is literally there body saying no, that’s not good for me. They can’t process the high protein / fat cat food has.

10 days ago, we found a huge pile and they kept throwing up every few hours more and more what looked like wet cat food. I confronted her and showed her a photo of it and explained that they’re somehow getting in her room still and we don’t appreciate the one thing we ask, to not be taken seriously. It’s literally slowly killing them. And it seems she has no compassion for it. They haven’t thrown up since. Until last night. Another massive pile mixed in with his dog food so, clearly his stomach was upset and I’m so angry honestly. I don’t want to be angry though. I want to be happy and live in harmony. We do nothing other than try.

Nobody else will accept my grandmother into their
home so, I genuinely expected this to be great considering this was really the one place she could go and attempt to be happy. I even started a garden in the back bc the space we’re renting has a backyard that needs some love. All she used to do was garden in her home. She has not been back there since I started. She has lost sight of what she loves and what’s important to her for sure.

Has anyone dealt with early set dementia? She’s 79. I want to believe it’s not her character and possibly it’s something she can’t control. She screams instead of having a discussion about uncomfortable topics and is very defensive as well. I really don’t know how to approach her because she does owe us rent and I do need her to figure out a new place to go. I can’t even have a conversation with her though bc I don’t want to be yelled at and our neighbor hears. I may just have to do that for her and say surprise! Idek. I have so much on my plate all the time and wish any other family member was willing to help her. I can’t even let my dogs stay out of our room when we both leave. I feel trapped in my own home now. If we keep the dogs in the room, they scratch the door badly.. It’s a literal wooden door. I can’t have that happening and don’t know what to do. We only have a baby gate u have to move or step over every time and can’t afford a nicer one. Or that would be my hopeful solution. 😔

any advice? 😭😭 I am just numb thinking about it and have nobody to talk to about these things. Thank you 🩷!!

on may 9th at 1:41pm I put my 13yo cockerspaniel, Emma, to sleep. she had an open pyometra I had previously helped her get better from with turmeric, munuka honey, bone broth and vitamins.. She lived for another 8 months after with little to no problems.. suddenly at midnight the night before the 9th, she wasn’t feeling well and laying her head in my lap which was uncommon.. I took her outside and she kept using the bathroom and licking herself which meant it was opening again and the medicine wasn’t going to help her, but only prolong the problem.. I wanted to try again so badly, but that was selfish and I knew the pain she may endure would be way worse than what she felt at the moment. I could literally feel her pain in my stomach..
I haven’t been ok since. I feel like my other half is gone..I went back to work today and it was tolerable because of the people around me.. then I got home and worked outside raking dead grass / yard work from 3-9pm.. I’m so exhausted, my body hurts so bad.. the shower after I got inside, was the hardest part. then ofc I pushed myself more and cleaned the house until now.. I just can’t think straight if my mind isn’t being occupied and I fear it really won’t get better. I’ve lost my pets before and it’s never hurt my heart as bad as my Emma bear passing.. She was my entire world. I did everything I did for her. I was homeless a year ago and my only drive to keep getting hotel rooms was so she had somewhere safe and warm to stay while I worked. once I got out of that situation, I got to bring her on camping trips and disc golfing where she sniffed the entire woods.. I miss her so much. It hurts so bad.
I know you’re wondering why I didn’t fix her when she was younger and I asked myself that every time I looked at her bc I knew I failed her. I wasn’t the adult when we had gotten her unexpectedly and truly didn’t know any better until she was too old to fix her without risks. that will forever be my biggest regret and she deserved so much better. I wish I knew better. this guilt and pain is just overwhelming.. I’m more angry than sad most of the time and that’s definitely not helping..
thank you for listening