u/tragedyofmylife

Last time I was dope sick was AWFUL…but life isn’t any better and I wanna do drgs again lol

I’ve thought about it for so long. I admit I’m a coward. I don’t want to die but I can’t kill I’ve like this. I have enough fentanyl to kill a few horses in front of me. I wanna take it. I am going to take it. But god do I want to stay . I’m in so much pain. I guess I just wanted to have a few last chats. Socialize. Which is something I haven’t done in so long. So if anybody’s up for it, tell me about your day!

I am repulsed and disgusted with the life I was given. The circumstances in under makes it overwhelmingly hard to re direct my path and future so I just feel trapped in this cycle and this house. My mom keeps saying “if u loved use I wouldn’t want to die” “well should I just k myself to even if I have kids to feed” BITCH I really dgaf we can all die tf. She tries to guilt trip me I genuinely don’t gaf about myself so why would I gaf about you. I’m over re instating my case that I love u and that doesn’t equate to not loving u just because I’m suicidal but if I can’t convince u then I’m done I did the whole talk to family therapy and friends bullshit I still feel the same. Last thing I said to her today was “ when u lose me your gonna feel it” because she just doesn’t understand me and why I feel this way so I’d rather die mis understood then live the rest of my life fighting for her to understand me. Fuck that.

No matter what I try I can’t stop eating and I feel the only way to stop is to die. I hate what I’ve become. The weight I’ve gained. It’s absolutely atrocious