u/trapped_terrain

Is hard work all it takes to succeed? I’ve often seen people say that effort is the only variable under our control and the only thing that differentiates winners from losers. For example, if you want to get a particular high-paying job or qualify for an exam, many believe that only hard work can lead you to success.

But I feel like hard work is just one variable among many others. Where you’re born, which family you’re born into, how much wealth your family has, your and your family members’ health, and mental faculties like reasoning, intelligence, memory, and emotional regulation all matter a lot. Sometimes, these can even overshadow hard work. However, whenever I express these opinions, people tell me that I’m just lazy because I believe that hard work isn’t always the answer. Because of this, I’ve stopped discussing it with others altogether.

What are your opinions on this? Is hard work the only thing that leads to success, or are there other factors too?

I have relatives living in the West who won’t stop praising Hinduism and Indian culture. During 2024, my uncle, who also lives in the West, told me that I should vote for the BJP because they are working towards making India better. In my head, I was thinking, “Why does it matter to you anyway? You don’t even live here.” I’ve also met some NRIs online who proudly flaunt their religion and nationality while living in largely atheistic societies, but would never step foot back here in India. They live in safe, clean and civilized societies and dictate what we should do and think. It is so frustrating.

I made a post earlier on this subreddit today, and many people in the comment section seemed to agree, at least partly, with the idea and concept of antinatalism that is, bringing new lives into this world is unethical.

I was wondering if there's any correlation between atheism and antinatalism. What are your views on antinatalism? Do you agree or disagree with it?

I have a relative who told me that being born in this world is a trap because it contains inevitable suffering and maya. Hence, if a soul attains moksha, it never takes birth again. Basically, all souls that are born are stuck in this materialistic world of suffering yet, ironically, the same person has six kids.

If someone truly believes that not being born is the ultimate salvation, why would he choose to have children? This doesn't make any sense.

I've often noticed in many families that the elderly, especially men, endlessly romanticize pregnancy pain and complications. In many cases, I've even observed people especially relatives, say things like, "Oh, you only have a girl? When are you having a boy?" as if pregnancy is a cakewalk and pushing out babies is just a normal, everyday thing. Nobody thinks about the pain that a woman has to go through, even the in-laws, who are supposed to be the woman's "new family," only care about their bloodline continuing.

On top of that, some people think that a woman isn't "complete" until she becomes a mother, which I've observed in many childfree posts on social media. Some men act as if they own women's bodies and use them as vessels to continue their lineage. Then there are women who have internalized misogyny and say things like "It is the divine duty of women to have kids".

I come from a culture where the education system and exams are brutal, deciding your entire life in just a few hours. Students study for inhumane hours, sometimes even 16–18 hours a day. People here are obsessed with becoming doctors and engineers. What baffles me the most is that some people who themselves couldn't become doctors or engineers, because they couldn't qualify in the exam or for some other reason, force their kids to become the same. You would expect a reasonable person not to pass down the same pressure and trauma to their child by refusing to procreate, but the opposite happens here.

People live vicariously through their children if they didn't make it big in life. I honestly don't understand this. Is this just their ego? Is it their desire to take control of their lives? Or is it simply about them feeling better about not succeeding in their own lives?

Whenever I tell people that I don’t want to have kids because I care too much about my potential unborn children to bring them into this world, they often say, “This is the best time in human history to have kids.” I simply don’t understand this reasoning, every point in time was considered the best time to have kids at that moment. The 1960s were the best at that time, the 1850s were the best at that time, and, by the same logic, the 2500s would be even better than today’s world.

Moreover, what kind of argument is it to say that just because people reproduced in worse conditions, it’s acceptable for me to reproduce now? All these arguments sound very strange and absurd to me.

I've often noticed that many people subconsciously believe that being religious is a good and moral thing. I've seen many people, especially middle-aged people, say things like, "He's such a good person, he prays daily and observes all festivals," in a tone that suggests moral appreciation. I don't understand how being religious is related to being a moral person. Can't a non-religious person be moral?

I’m in my city after a long time, and coincidentally, my uncle and aunt are visiting us too. They’ve gone to visit a relative’s place today, so they left their two children at our house. My parents aren’t home either, so now I have to put up with these two kids for the entire day. They aren’t letting me do my work, one of them was pulling my hair and punching me, and the other took away the stylus of my tablet and threw it across the room. I am literally so frustrated. They won’t even listen to me for once. My mom told me to keep them in my AC room, where I also study, and I haven’t been able to study at all today. I don’t understand why people expect others to babysit for them. I am expected to not say anything because "they are just kids". This has strengthened my cf stance like nothing else.

I have noticed that, often, when someone posts about a childfree or DINK lifestyle on a platform like Instagram, people comment things like, “Why are you seeking validation?” or “CF people are so attention-hungry.” At least 40% of the comments on such posts are like this. However, when a parent posts pictures of their children, nobody says it is validation-seeking, instead, everyone says, “Aww, so cute” or “I want this in my life.” Why this double standard? This is very frustrating.

I have a friend. He is 27 now and has been frustrated with his life. He appeared for NEET twice after 12th but couldn't make it. Then, after graduation, he applied for numerous government jobs and still couldn't succeed. He is now going to pursue a master's degree from a local college because he has no other option.

When I asked him about his future plans, he told me that he wants to get a job as soon as possible so that he can get married before 30 and then have kids. I then asked him why he would want to have kids if life has been this tough for him. He said, "Because according to Darwin's theory, only the fittest survive." I cringed so hard at that.