What exists in your life today - a relationship, habit, career, friendship, or simply a way of living, that may not have existed if you had become a parent?
Please don’t say travel, freedom, money etc.
For me - It has helped me to transform emotional wellbeing, personal crisis and career setbacks to a much better life phase.
Hi! Out of curiosity - what are the birth control methods the child free community uses?
I just watched a reel which painted a realistic picture of how the burden of birth control is almost always on women - this is very true given most men shy away from vasectomies. Is that the case with CF men as well? Are y’all open to doing vasectomies/ have already had the procedure done to ensure you’re child free or do you put / plan to put that burden on your spouse?
Edit: I realise there are no birth control options that are fool proof as pointed out in some comments. So removing that part.
I've been thinking about putting myself out there here, but I'm a little conflicted about whether this is actually the right time.
My life is in a bit of a transition at the moment. I'm figuring out work, and there's also a possibility that I might move abroad for further studies next year. I don't really know where I'll be or what things will look like a year from now.
Part of me thinks that shouldn't matter..if you meet someone you genuinely click with, you figure things out together. But another part of me wonders whether it's better to wait until life is a little more settled, especially when another person might be looking for something more geographically stable.
For people who've been through CF4CF or met someone while their own life was uncertain, how did you approach it?Did you just put yourself out there and let things unfold, or did you feel it was better to wait until you had more clarity?
35F here. Looking at my peers, it seems that having children has created a kind of built-in structure for the next few decades of their life. Not necessarily meaning or happiness, and definitely not an “easy” life, but there are obvious milestones, responsibilities and routines that are going to shape their lives.
When you choose not to have children, a lot of that default structure disappears. Don't get me wrong, I really value my freedom, and that's the reason I want to be mindful when I answer this question for myself: "What exactly am I building toward?"
I also get variations of the inevitable question from friends/family: “So what are you going to do with your life?”..... I don’t think I need to justify being childfree to anyone, but the question has made me realize that I would actually like to have an answer for myself.
So I’m considering creating some kind of rough life blueprint. Not, like, a rigid 30-year plan, but a rough idea for the kind of life I want to build: what does my support system look like? How solid do I want to be on the finances? What experiences do I want to prioritize?
Regardless of what people say, I still do firmly believe that well-raised children bring in a lot of support (financial/emotional/logistical) for their ageing parents, so what are the alternatives going to be for me?
If anyone here has created an actual document/template/framework for this, I would genuinely love to hear from you.
Thanks!
Saw this clip on a TV debate show between DILs and MILs, where one of the DIL's commented " My husband and I are trying to budget and plan for what car or what house to buy or save up for, but my MIL keeps travelling with her friends to temples and not taking care of the grandchildren... This is the age when she should be at home taking care of her grandchildren, why is she travelling and enjoying her life?"
And the MIL responds with "We've raised our kids, we've married them off, now I'm travelling and minding my own business. Why would I raise another set of kids, I've raised mine and I'm done."
As someone who's seen more than her fair share of "You don't have kids so you're happy while we are miserable" type comments, this was interesting. Even people who've had kids and finished raising them are receiving this kind of comments..
Just curious how many of you have actually found your partner from this sub. Please share your experience so that even we can still have some hope. 🫂
So today 2 of my colleagues (both moms) were discussing their childbirth experience let's call them A, B. A had already told me her experience (long labour, not so empathetic husband inlaws, she has piles since delivery, her kid is 6) so she never wants to go through that again she was sharing the same with B.
Some things from their experience:
I learnt that even if you have normal or c-section they will give you enema in the morning and then you're not supposed to eat at all till the baby is born.
If you have a normal delivery they will make a small tear initially if the baby's head/shoulder is bigger then they will tear your opening more and while stitching you back they will NOT GIVE even local ANESTHESIA.
Your nipple might crack during breastfeeding and doctor will still suggest you to feed the child with that side as well so it will not heal atleast for 1 year.
Like I mentioned PILES (hemorrhoids)
All these just are just reaffirmation to my decision, just wanted to share these things just in case someone needed to know.
EDIT: To all the 'medical professionals' coming at me try to understand the difference between real experience and statistics. I am nowhere claiming that this happens to each and everyone. I have just written about two of my colleagues experiences and the women they know.
Where are you?? Like fr, where are youuu?? I'm turning 30 in 3 months and you are nowhere to be found, excuse me?? Did you forget about the contract we made before taking birth??
They say I'm supposed to get out of the house, go on dates and meet new people to find you. I'm not doing that, honey. I just want to meet you directly. I don't have the patience to meet random guys just to eventually land on you. Just see this post and DM me, I'll forgive you for being late 😂 I guess we still need to get to know each other, become friends, then become lovers and then get married. Gotta respect the plot. So let's act like we don't know each other. Let's pretend to be strangers and give it a go 😏
Hi, Mr Husband. I'm 29F, soon to be 30. I wish I could say soon to be your wife but we need to know and understand each other first. Also, I need to figure out my career. I can't do a regular job and I'm still trying to find my purpose. So let's give it 2-3 years to learn and study one another. Even though I'm 29, I'm 7 at heart and I don't want to grow old with you. I want us to be two weirdos having fun in life keeping each other's inner child happy.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I have an autoimmune disease and I don't want to pass down those genes to my children, so I'm staying childfree. But I'm a fun aunt to be around, you can ask my nieces 😂 I can do aunty duties for your nieces and nephews too.
I can cook pretty well, I love sweets and I'll make you whatever you ask unless it's non-veg because I'm scared of blood, I can't clean it and I don't plan on learning it, sir. I'm sorry. If you want me to cook it, you gotta clean it. I'm trying to become a vegetarian but it's hard and I don't know if I can be one. But I love cooking! I like trying out new recipes. You can be the judge for my cookery show, as well as my sous chef and sometimes my guinea pig too 😅
And I'm a big fan of Lord Krishna. He's my best friend, the love of my life (you are second on the list, btw). I'm spiritual, trying to be a better person every day and I wish you were spiritual too. I'm Telugu and I would love for you to be Telugu as well. We can jam to Annamayya keerthanalu and DSP numbers too. Telugu abbailu, you are most welcome. I live in Chennai and I would prefer someone from here because the colder seasons are not so cold and are better for my health.
I would really love to have a simple wedding in a temple, preferably Tirumala if God permits, with our close family and friends, less than 20 people if possible. I don't like crowds and I don't want to be the centre of attention at a big wedding. Not happening, sir. You can't convince me 😂
I like crocheting and I love making cute stuff for babies and myself, I can make some for you too. Now I'm learning knitting, in case you didn't know, both are different. Besides that, I love baking. I might someday open a small little café. I really wish that dream comes true.
Let's discuss what I want in my man- teetotaler, non-negotiable. Telugu preferably. Someone who's honest, loyal, kind, sweet and calm. Someone who doesn't shout at me or get annoyed when I'm crazy. Most importantly, someone who's emotionally available and willing to talk things out instead of ignoring it or running away from it. Someone who values a person for who they are and not for what they do or earn. Someone who's funny and doesn't take offence when I make fun of him.
And please, younger guys, don't DM me. I want someone older than me, I want to be babied 😭 We can do maximum 5 years older than me; beyond that gives elder brother vibes.
Please don't send "hi", "hello". Share something about you. A cringe pickup line is acceptable too 😂
See you in my DMs, byeee...
Edit: Guys!!! I didn't expect so many dms, it's overwhelming. Please be patient, I'll get back to you.
Thanks for all your lovely comments, you all. That's so sweet. I hope everyone finds their partner soon. Best of luck to all of us 🤗🩷
Also, IF YOU CAN'T BE KIND, DON'T BE MEAN. GET LOST, respectfully. Don't leave hate comments.
How does it feels, what society says?
Dont know whether this sub is suitable or not however i would like to hear from likeminded people..
Long story short,
Recently me and my loved one chose to live on a different path (it was 4 year relationship).
During those times we laugh a lot,enjoyed a lot,fought a lot and am grateful for that.
Coming to the point it might silly to others, during the relationship we made a promise not to marry others if we got separated.
And i recently saw that girl with another man (am not blaming her it might her friend or her partner. If yes, end of the day its her life and am very happy that she moved on).
Which makes me think still living the life without breaking the promise feels kindah dumb to me but it makes me feel even more alone.
Sometimes am thinking of giving out a relationship (yes, 100% childfree) but i always had a fear of breaking our promise (for the girl who doesnt going to exist in my rest of my life)
So..you guys tell me still hanging on the promise or not.
Should i just move one from it and find another relationship..
Your words will be very helpful to me.
Thank you guys...
Have a nice day...
Dating apps sucked, so trying my luck here🤞
Am 42f, never married and I know clearly what I want..because I know for sure what I don't want, if that makes sense :)
Looking for a straight man between 38 to 48, monogamous and preferably in South India.. cos I live in Chennai. Open to distance for the right connection. Someone who has never married or is legally divorced.. as long as you don't have kids. And are and want to remain childfree by choice. This is a non negotiable!
Not looking for anything casual or 'let's see where this goes'. Like to genuinely get to know someone, build a relationship to eventually get married. I take things slow so am not gonna jump into anything, at the same time don't want to endlessly chat and date for years.
What am looking for is how the relationship feels.. fun and safe! Ridiculous fun banter, effortless conversations, curiosity about each other, sharing stories, making each other laugh, being silly, talking about something meaningful at 11pm and also being happy doing absolutely nothing together.
Someone who's willing to communicate, be patient, understand each other's triggers, listen without judgement and get to know each other's love languages. (bonus points if you know what they are)😺
I value emotional maturity, empathy, openness, playfulness and respect. I'm big on reciprocity and conversations.. don't want to be the only one keeping a conversation alive or making efforts and planning things.
A little about me:
Am an entrepreneur, also having corporate experience. Currently on a sabbatical and enjoying the slow life. Love nature, art, travel and good experiences. Big time animal lover! ❤️
Fluent in Hindi and English, express myself and my feelings best in them. 😃 I understand and speak Tamil but it's not my comfort language.
I've been told I don't look my age, maybe cos of good genes, also cos am barely even 5ft.. not short, just fun sized with plenty of personality 🤪
I don't drink, smoke or do recreational drugs and prefer someone who doesn't either. If you have tried it all and are done with it completely, it's fine too. But if these still are part of your lifestyle then we're incompatible.
If this resonates with you and you are also looking for this kind of connection, would love to hear from you. But please.. something more than just a hi, hello or hru to start a conversation! 😄
I’m 30, turning 31 in November. I am childfree and looking for a genuinely childfree man for a serious, long-term relationship. I don’t want children by any route — biological, adoption or fostering — and I’m looking for someone who feels the same.
I’m originally from Delhi/NCR but currently live independently in Himachal Pradesh and work remotely in analytics/AI/ML. I’ve lived in cities for most of my life, but I’ve realised that I really enjoy a more unconventional lifestyle — mountains, travel, independence and having the freedom to decide how I want to live.
I’m 5’7”, reasonably fit and enjoy strength training, hiking and trekking. I love travelling, especially solo travel, and I’m happiest around mountains, nature, cafés, rain and quiet places. I also enjoy reading, cooking, exploring new places and learning new things.
I’m financially independent and career-oriented, but I don’t want my entire life to revolve around work. Long-term, I’d like to have the freedom to travel, work remotely and potentially live in different places.
Personality-wise, I’m an ambivert leaning introvert. I enjoy my own company and don’t need constant socialising, but I value deep conversations and emotional closeness with the people I’m close to.
I’d love to meet a confidently childfree, independent and emotionally mature man.
Someone who:
I’m particularly drawn to people who have chosen an unconventional life — remote workers, entrepreneurs, creators, travellers, people who have moved away from their hometowns, etc. But profession isn’t important; mindset is.
I want a relationship where two independent people build a life together because they genuinely want each other in it, not because either person needs someone to complete them.
I’d ideally want to live independently with my partner rather than in a joint-family setup.
I’ve thought about this quite a lot and being childfree is a firm decision for me. I don’t see myself becoming a parent in the future, and I’m not looking for someone who is undecided or hoping I’ll change my mind.
I’m not looking for someone perfect and don’t expect someone to tick every box. Compatibility, character, emotional maturity, curiosity and the kind of life we’re both trying to create matter much more to me.
I’m open to meeting someone from anywhere in India. Distance isn’t necessarily a deal breaker initially since I work remotely and travel fairly often.
If this resonates with you, tell me a little about yourself — your age, location, what you do, what your lifestyle looks like and what you’re looking for.
Please don’t just DM “hi” or “interested.” Tell me something about yourself so we actually have something to start a conversation with. :)
Recently I've posted about myself wanting to find a CF partner and I've received a few responses. Everyone of them responded as if they needed to be begged, the conversations were dry af. Like one word answers. I thought people from this sub are a little progressive from regular people but nah, they're all the same.
Did anyone face the same?
I know really cool people in this community . But my question is finding partners actually works here? I am asking both M&F. What its like to meet people through this subreddit.
Don't get me wrong no offence to parents who have kids but personally, for me, every single person I know: friends, family, co-workers, and even my own parents like, the women were so lively, baddie, carefree, youthful spirit. And not just women a lot of my guy friends, before having kids and becoming a dad, they were so lively and energetic and could pass for being a model. Before having kids and after, the difference t's not just physical, it's mental appearance, especially for women. The eyes never got that spark back after having kids. And no one wants to talk about this side of having kids not to mention, especially for women, postpartumhow your mood after having kids can get absolutely destroyed and it cannot be reversed i see the trend on tiktok where women make a video before and having kids and the comments section are just straight up bs and its easier to just make up statements like "its temporary its not going to last forever" . The reality is that for majority your spark after having kids will be changed forever this is why you see many parents especially moms put on so much makeup to convince themself they still have the spark in them but they know that they no longer have it and its not just physical appearance its also mental appearance lots of women after having children seem more agitated easily irritated break down at many times. After having kids, my mom, for example—before she had kids, she was very energetic, peaceful, and outgoing. Well, after postpartum, she developed an anxiety disorder. And every time I see before and after pictures of people having kids, it just reaffirms my decision to never go through that as a woman myself.
My Vasectomy Experience at Max Hospital, Noida — A One-Week Update
I’m in my late 30s and recently started researching vasectomy options in Delhi NCR. I found surprisingly little first-hand information online for Delhi NCR region, so I thought I’d share my experience.
I initially called Max Hospital, Sector 128, Noida, which is close to me, simply to ask whether they performed vasectomies. They said yes.
Around the same time, my wife found Dr. Amit Devra, Sr. Director, Urology, Max Hospital, and we decided to consult him first.
I had the procedure on 8 August and am writing this about a week later.
This is just my personal experience. Costs, procedures and hospital requirements can vary, so check directly with the hospital and doctor.
Day 1 — Consultation with Dr. Amit Devra
Consultation fee: ₹1,500
Dr. Devara explained that:
The procedure would be done as a day-care procedure, with same-day discharge.
It would be a bilateral, no-scalpel vasectomy.
Under Anaesthesia or local.
There would likely be only a small/minor stitch.
I would need anaesthesia clearance and some pre-op tests from Anaesthesiologist .
Anaesthesia Consultation
Fee: ₹1,200
We met the anaesthesiologist the same day. he asked about my medical history, allergies, etc., and prescribed:
Blood tests
Chest X-ray
Other routine pre-op investigations like viral markers etc ..
Day 2 — Blood Tests
I got the blood work done through home collection, including things such as viral markers and fasting blood sugar.
Day 3 — Hospital Visit
I went back to Max Hospital with my reports and got the required chest X-ray done there itself.
took all the reports to anaesthesiologist .
After reviewing everything, the anaesthesiologist gave the clearance and explained that I shouldn't eat or drink from 5 AM on the morning of the procedure.
I then went to the finance department to get an estimate.
they gave Estimated procedure cost: ₹40,000
This might be cheaper at a smaller clinic or hospital, but this was the estimate I received at Max.
I then went to the Urology department and booked the procedure for 8 August.
Overall Pre-op Experience
In my case, the pre-op process involved roughly 1–3 hours at the hospital on Day 1 and Day 3, while Day 2 was mostly handled from home.
Pretty typical big-hospital process.
Day 1 — Procedure Day
I stopped eating and drinking after 5 AM as instructed.
I also trimmed the private area and lower abdomen myself before going to the hospital. Personally, I would recommend doing this at home rather than having it done at the hospital.
I reached the hospital around 9:30 AM, completed the payment of ₹40,000 and was taken to the pre-op area.
Then came the waiting.
I waited around 3 hours in the pre-op area, followed by another hour or so before being taken into the operating theatre.
The Procedure
There were several doctors/nursing staff around.
The anaesthesia was local anaesthesia,I was awake throughout the procedure.
The injections felt like small pricks. I felt two of them.
There were a few brief moments of pain during the procedure. For me, I'd rate the worst moments around 6/10, but they lasted only a few seconds and were manageable.
The procedure itself took longer than the minimum expected time in my case because of some minor complexity. Nothing alarming — Dr. Devra handled it well; so usually it takes 30 mins . sometimes it can go upto 1hr30 mins but nothing alarming . it's ok.
After the Procedure
I was taken back to the recovery/pre-op area and asked to rest for a while.
My wife handled the billing while I rested.
A junior doctor then explained the post-op instructions:
Wear supportive/tight frenchie underwear.
I could resume work from Monday.
Avoid outside food for a day or two.
No action for about 7 days ;) .
Avoid heavy lifting for a few days.
Driving should be possible after 2–3 days, depending on how I felt.
Take the prescribed medicines, including anti-inflammatory medication, antibiotics and painkillers as needed.
We took a cab home.
I had some discomfort but nothing major. The easiest way I can describe it is: similar to the mild discomfort you might feel after falling off a bicycle as a kid.
I slept well that night though.
Day 2 — Sunday
I mostly rested at home.
I walked around the house for basic things but avoided unnecessary movement or exertion.
scrotum swelling is common , it will goaway in few days.
No significant pain.
Day 3 — Monday
I had a follow-up with Dr. Devra.
He said everything looked fine.
He also explained.
A semen analysis would be done after around 70–90 days, and contraception should continue until the report.
After the appointment, I took a cab to work and worked normally.
I was walking a little slowly, my work day went on asusual. some minor discomfort here and there but I wasn't in significant pain.
Day 4
Much better.
I worked from home mainly because I wanted to recover quickly.
Day 5
I noticed a small, grape-sized lump/swelling around the stitch area on the left side.
I showed it to the doctor, who said it was fine and could happen during healing.
It was already getting smaller day by day.
I also noticed that my walking speed was getting back to normal.
I started driving again and had no issues.
Day 6
The swelling/lump had reduced further.
No pain.
There was still a little occasional discomfort around the injection site, but it wasn't constant.
Day 7
Almost back to normal.
I drove around 100 km without any problem.
I also walked about 5,000 steps, deliberately keeping things moderate because I didn't want to overdo it.
The small lump/swelling was continuing to reduce.
Overall, recovery was good.
During my follow-up, I asked Dr. Devra a couple of questions that I had seen discussed online.
The answer I received was yes, in the context of the process at the hospital, because there could be legal considerations. (its not legal that wife consent is required but it's just some unwritten process so that Dr time is not wasted in future with some questioning , legal proceedings if any etc )
.
I was told that family-member consent would be required in that situation.
i think he mentioned about Psychological evaluation as well but I'm not sure . but I read and knowing from comments that this has been asked.
..
I have seen discussions online about people using friends or partners to fulfil such requirements, but I wouldn't recommend personally . A surgical/procedure consent is a medico legal document and it holds value in court in cases where any medico legal questions arise and a medico legal case is formed. So it is necessary to provide correct information and relationship with the person undergoing the procedure
My Overall Take
Procedure: manageable
Pain: brief and manageable
Back to work: Day 3
Driving: Day 5
Mostly normal: around Day 7
overall cost : 48-50k approx
my insurance doesn't cover this procedure.
And obviously, this is one person's experience, not medical advice. Your procedure, recovery, cost and hospital requirements may be different.