u/trashbaby210

Context: I inherited the letters my grandparents wrote to each other during a major global conflict that ended 81 years ago. My grandfather was heavily involved, to the extent some of the situations he was in are VERY well known, but he and the people he was with are not. I have been working on a book about my grandparents. I have also been writing and publishing essays on substack about the discovery process as I read through these letters and research the context. I did not know either of my grandparents. Most of the letters that were saved were written by my grandfather. Whenever he mentions one of his friends by name, I research them. Many of them did not survive the conflict, and this was something that deeply affected him.

Many relatives of these friends are on ancestry. I have reached out to them, let them know what I am doing and why, and ask if they are okay with this as a courtesy. In many instances, the family is okay and finds it interesting to learn about their long dead relative. In one instance, the family said they are deeply uncomfortable with a stranger doing this, which I must admit I didn't expect. Unfortunately, that instance was regarding my grandfather's best friend. I cannot express just how much this person's passing affected my grandfather. It is a major point in his story. This friend did not have a wife or children; the person refusing is his niece, who was a toddler when he died. Regardless, I do not mention relatives at all in these posts beyond their parents (sometimes not even by name). I give a brief biography and primarily focus on their role in the war and relationship to my grandfather.

AITA for writing about this person anyway? At what point does it no longer classify as "sensitive information"? All of the information I've found on these people is free to access from the National Archives or posted publicly on Ancestry. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes but my grandfather wrote so much about not wanting himself or his friends to be forgotten and I am genuinely just trying to uplift them from a place of respect. Intentions aside, AITA?

ETA: I reached out to a person who posted a picture of this man on Ancestry. I introduced myself and my project and said that this man was very important to my grandfather, so I thanked them for allowing me put a face to the name. I asked if anyone was still around that knew him that I might be able to talk to. This person said this was really interesting and seemed excited, but said that their mom would be the one to talk to since that was her uncle. I did not know the mom's age. The person very quickly followed up with an apology, saying their mom was uncomfortable and had no interest in speaking to me. I told them I understood and sent them a draft of what I had already written in case it would ease concerns. I have not heard back and there's no indication that this person has even been online since then.

I would feel very guilty moving forward without her blessing, but also understand I put myself in this situation unnecessarily. I want to avoid anonymizing him so he can be remembered in full, but I will do so if I don't hear back. I will also adjust how I speak to families moving forward. I do still think they have a right to know what I'm up to, ESPECIALLY if the person left behind children. Thanks for all the advice.

Context: I inherited the letters my grandparents wrote to each other during a major global conflict that ended 81 years ago. My grandfather was heavily involved, to the extent some of the situations he was in are very well known, but he and the people he was with are not. I have been working on a book about my grandparents. I have also been writing and publishing essays on substack about the discovery process as I read through these letters and research the context. I did not know either of my grandparents. Most of the letters that were saved were written by my grandfather. Whenever he mentions one of his friends by name, I research them. Many of them did not survive the conflict, and this was something that deeply affected him.

Many relatives of these friends are on ancestry. I have reached out to them, let them know what I am doing and why, and ask if they are okay with this. In many instances, the family is okay and finds it interesting to learn about their long dead relative. In one instance, the family said they are deeply uncomfortable with a stranger doing this. Unfortunately, that instance was regarding my grandfather's best friend. I cannot express just how much this person's passing affected my grandfather. It is a major point in his story. This friend did not have a wife or children; the person refusing is his niece, who was a toddler when he died. Regardless, I do not mention relatives at all in these posts beyond their parents (sometimes not even by name). I give a brief biography and primarily focus on their role in the war and relationship to my grandfather.

My question is: Is it ethical to write about this person anyway? At what point does it no longer classify as "sensitive information"? All of the information I've found on these people is free to access from the National Archives or posted publicly on Ancestry. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes but my grandfather wrote so much about not wanting himself or his friends to be forgotten and I am genuinely just trying to uplift them from a place of respect. Intentions aside, is this ethical?