u/traveler49

In the intergalactic space vehicle insurance call centre Throod put down his headphones with a sigh. Some of the calls came from species that didn't know the difference between space and matter because instead of brain matter there was empty space. He cursed yet again the human species for introducing call centres to the galaxy. He could see species devolving before his eyes; he hadn't known species could evolve stupidity.

He shuffled to the break room for a badly needed slurp of sustenance and after imbibing a throttle load he turned to Rik, one of the humans who shared his misery, and asked:

"You can advise, I think. Yesterday I was chilling in the back garden when this small orange fluffy creature emerged from nowhere and wandered up to me. While I was wondering what it was and what to do, it jumped on to me, snuggled, and started to vibrate and growl, but not aggressively. I don't know why I did it, but I tickled it under a head flap which made it even more growly and snuggly.

My partner, who hates all these type of creatures came out shouting, screaming and complaining and wanting me to get rid of it when the creature looked up with big eyes. My partner went totally silent (a blessing in itself) and said the creature must be hungry and will get it some milk. I have never heard of this milk and it turns out she had never heard of it either, it just popped into her head with instructions where to buy it. I looked the creature up and it seems to come from your planet, felis catus, or cat. What to we do with it?"

Rik who had been quietly chortling away replied

"Congratulations, you have been adopted by the masters of the universe, though they pretend they don't. Seriously, you have been introduced and integrated into the CDS"

"CDS?"

"Cat Distribution System; I hadn't realised they had gone intergalactic and it seems they've learnt a bit of telepathy since."

"But what do I do with it? I suggested taking it to the animal shelter and it was kindly suggested that I emigrate permanently to the nearest animal shelter instead."

Rik suggested that he take it to an animal doctor for a medical checkout and to get it neutered unless he wanted a whole family of fluff balls taking over his life. He decided to tell the doctor the last bit quietly as his partner was feeling a bit broody and emotional lately. It hadn't helped that he had used one of her eggs she was keeping for later fertilisation to make an omelette.

A week later

"That was good advice about seeing an animal doctor but it is a she and she is pregnant".

A few weeks later.

"OMG they arrived!!! I'm a cat daddy of seven, a whole tapestry of colours. Bring out the champagne!!"

A month later, looking bedraggled.

"I haven't had much sleep lately"

Three months later, looking a total wreck

"My partner has gone insane, she has given up work and is adopting cats from everywhere. I swear I see them manifesting out of the ether looking piteous or I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep. My language doesn't have a term for a crazy cat lady. Thanks a whole lot, humanity!"

Six months later, looking less than a total wreck

"I couldn't take it any more. I moved out and she didn't even notice. However, our original fluff ball insisted on coming with me and brought along all her brood. I couldn't abandon them and was glad to give them a home. But when she found them missing and also found me gone she called the police and reported me for kidnapping. They arrived with a liaison cat officer who acted as translator and after a whole lot of meoows informed the detectives that the cat family had moved voluntarily and hell would freeze over before they would return. This set the detectives to investigate my ex and it doesn't look too good for her. In the meantime some strings were pulled upstairs unknown to me and I was informed that "due to family commitments" I will be working from home from now on."

Another six months later at the New Year Party.

"Its brilliant! Any time a client starts acting up a cat come over and starts to meoow; the clients turn to mush and I sort them out in no time. My bonus is through chimney smoke. Meanwhile, I've had an interesting idea."

And that is the origin story of the well-known Inter-Galactic Call Centre Cat Distributors (with branches throughout the galaxy and beyond). The official portrait of IGCCCD founders Throod and Rik dressed in finest clothing looking pompous and important is just for show to impress and bedazzle gullible sentient species. Everyone in the know knows that it is the cat and kittens looking innocent in their embrace that are the real bosses; the kittens are now all grown-up and in charge of their own franchises.