u/trezive

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hi! f(19) here, and my best friends are f(20) and m(19).

for context: lima kami sa friend group, 2 males and 3 females, but nag-immigrate yung isang male at isa pang female kaya kami nila f(20) and m(19) ang magkakasama at nagkikita madalas.

the other night, party ng jowa ni f(20) and we were invited as a group kasi batchmate and kakilala rin naman namin. it has come to my attention na both si f(20) and m(19) super awkward around me, kaya naging uncomfortable ako dahil bukod sa celebrant, sila lang ang kakilala ko. i tried na maki-join in sa table discussions, pero i would always feel left out minutes in the conversation, until kinausap ko si m(19) because f(20) was nowhere to be found.

in-ask ko kung may nagawa ba akong mali or if may problema ba, and sabi ni m(19), disappointed daw sila sa akin for meeting with my ex behind my back tapos hindi raw ako nagsasabi sa kanila and that ang dami ko raw tinatago (nalaman nila through my ex who reached out to them kasi i deactivated my social media accounts and was nowhere to be found).

sinagot ko naman na how could i stop talking to my ex when nabuntis niya ako, and we're trying to figure out how to do co-parenting when aalis na ang ex ko sa bansa. and that siguro mali ko nga na hindi ako nagsabi sa kanila as my friends, pero at the same time, i am not entitled to naman. lalo na kapag nag-oopen up ako sa kanila, dinadaan nila sa puro biro kahit mangiyak-ngiyak na ako. tapos nadulas at nasabi sa akin ni m(19) na nahihirapan na raw sila kakatanong sa mga tao for their opinions regarding my situation. kaya napakunot ang noo ko at tinanong ko if kinwento nila sa iba nangyari sa akin, tumaas na boses ko onti kasi i vividly remember my ex who sent me screenshots of him telling them na i wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret between us and our loved ones nung nag-reach out siya sa kanila.

iniba ni m(19) ang topic even when i asked repeatedly and nung bumalik si f(20), sumama na lang siya bigla and never na nasagot tanong ko. the rest of the night, super inseparable nila at hindi sila makatingin sa mata ko despite them hugging me, holding my hand, taking pictures with me, pero hindi ko ni-reciprocate at hindi ko na sila pinansin after i went home nang mas maaga.

just last night, nag-message sa akin si f(20) explaining her side and she indirectly admitted may mga pinagkwentuhan siya and sila dun sa party. hindi ko ni-replyan, pero sineen ko which is why i think nag-message sa akin si m(19) hours after na ayaw niya maging awkward friendship namin and he wants us to settle it maturely. sineen ko lang din at napansin kong walang nag-apologize ni-isa sa kanila.

ako ba yung gago kasi hindi ko sila pinansin despite them reaching out and explaining their side?

i'm reading through entries here and i've noticed na karamihan sa NowServing are not recommended for some talaga, so if i may ask for recommendations – where and who are recommended psychiatrists?