u/true_blue__

Hi all!

I'm feeling a bit stuck currently - partly because my routine is a bit out of whack due to this month being kind of hectic, so I feel like I'm in boom and bust more than usual, and partly because I am lacking motivation to do things I know would help or feel overwhelmed about what to focus on.

I think one thing that would help is reducing screen time. I can see that screen overuse is very activating for my nervous system and affects my sleep.

The temptation is to say 'Right, we're limiting screen time to x per day and replacing that with [insert productive activities here]' but we all know it isn't that simple!

If you've had some success doing this, what activities did you do instead? I guess screen time is something I do to try and 'rest' that isn't all that restful, but my mind is so busy and I just can't cope with multiple hours of radical rest a day, so I need something similarly low-effort, occupying, slightly numbing...?

FYI, I'm currently moderate-ish - a long way from being able to work consistently but I manage a few short things out of the house a week and can do short bursts of housework or socialising.

I have CPTSD and have done various therapies over the years. I finally got a referral for EMDR on the NHS and it starts next Tuesday.

I am PETRIFIED. My main trauma was between 7 and 10 years ago and although I think obsessively about it all the time my memories aren't always that clear. They pop into my head fleetingly and jump around. If I try to hold onto a memory it's like it's blocked or slips away. I'm not convinced I will be able to do EMDR properly for that reason.

I'm also scared EMDR will break the protective instinct that seems to be blocking me from thinking about the trauma and I will be overwhelmed. My rumination is so bad and I don't know if I could cope with my thoughts getting worse. I had a kind of breakdown last year that felt like it came out of nowhere (it was a trauma in itself) and I'm terrified of going back to that place.

Can anyone offer me any reassurance? How might I know if it's too much for me, or my therapist is going too fast, etc.? If I did have a negative reaction, would it be possible to 'put it back in the box', if that makes sense?