new parent spiraling into depression
I had a preemie baby born at 28w and was in the ICU for months on oxygen and feeding tubes. I myself do not produce enough milk so the hospital put baby on formula. I have begged the hospital for donor milk (which we no longer qualify for) or a plant-based option (which commercially exist but not suitable for my particular baby) and officially exhausted all legit channels. Yes I sought second third opinions outside of the NICU medical team too. Yes I explored getting unofficial donor milk from the community but the risk is too high and the supply is not abundant.
So these days I’m paying for exploiting cow mamas to make sure my baby‘s needs are met, and I feel so awful. I haven’t slept much for almost 7 months and pump milk regularly mostly to prove to myself that I am doing my absolute best. When I get to take a brief nap, I keep feeling the pain of cows and cannot sleep. I also don’t have a lot of moral support (my family believe that I am and have compromised both of our health because I refuse meat - I don’t even tell them that I’m against dairy because I have no energy to argue). I cry about this and spiral in and out of depression on a daily basis.
The worst part is that thinking “this is temporary - babies are only on milk for the first little bit” doesn’t help. I feel that I’m going to remain depressed until the world stops animal cruelty, which is a hopeless thought in of itself.
:(