u/tuliptulpe

Tw: CSA

For the longest time I cried after masturbating. Because I would be flooded with images of my abuser/what he did.

I would try to postpone the need to masturbate for as long as possible, but when I would give in it would destroy me. I felt even more shame, because enjoying it meant my abuser was right all along. I deserved it, because I'm a slut.

I was caught in a spiral with no way out.

A year ago I started with somatic movement (TRE - trauma release exercises). It changed a lot in my life. Slowly the shame is leaving my body.

It only happened a few times now because I'm still afraid, but when I masturbate now I can complete it without any intruding images or flashbacks. I don't hear the voices yelling and taunting me.

I still cry afterwards, but it's not crying based on shame. I don't know why I still cry, but at least I don't hate myself anymore for wanting to feel pleasure

TW: SA, masturbation

Because of sexual trauma masturbation was always difficult for me. I would need to distract myself visually or mentally, otherwise I would hit a wall in my mind and my whole body would go numb. It reminded me too much of the trauma my body went through.

I made my peace with it and assumed it would always stay this way.

I've been doing TRE very regularly for a year now. Once a week I go to a group session, and 2-4 times a week I tremor by myself.

I've seen a lot of improvement in so many different parts of my life. And a few days ago my body signalled me this desire of self love and for the first time in years I was able to masturbate peacefully. I didn't cry afterwards or felt bad about myself, it was truly blissful. Never would I have assumed this would be an outcome of my journey.

I'm so grateful to have discovered TRE.

I'm wondering if someone else does it this way or has any "strange" poses they want to share?

I lie on my back and have a yoga block under my sacrum. My feet and calves are up on my couch. It kind of looks like the tremor inducing wall sitting pose, but on your back.

I've found this to reach parts of my pelvis and deep hip muscles the tremors couldn't reach in other poses. Sometimes I listen to music and hum along the melody, the humming helps release as well.

One day I just tried a bunch of different poses to reach those parts that always wanted to tremor but that I just couldn't reach.