u/universalhippie

This is going to be a LONG read so buckle in. My parents divorced when I was 4, it was a nasty divorce that ended with my dad giving up his parental rights and he was in jail during some of the duration of this. According to my mom’s side of the family my dad was cheating on her and brought his girlfriend to court, they also claimed he abused us but I don’t think that ever happened. I grew up believing my dad was a piece of shit etc. Well growing up my mom was an alcoholic, very abusive, and cheated on my step dad (who’s last name is currently have and legally adopted me). They eventually divorced and that was also pretty nasty on my mom’s side of things. I cut contact with them after I turned 18 because I had a pretty f-ed up childhood. A few months after turning 18 my dad got in contact with me and my boyfriend at the time convinced me to hear him out. Of course he told me everything they told me about him was not true and he was so happy to be able to speak to me finally. We go on, he helps me out when I need it but he lives on the other side of the country and I haven’t seen him personally since I was like 4. Things start happening between him and his current wife and he’s apparently cheating on her and threatening to off himself etc. this is a lot for me especially because I have a young child and I’m getting over trauma from my mom and her family but I chalk it up to issues they have blah blah blah. I’m not a huge fan of my dad’s wife anyway because she has extremely strong political opinions and anyone who doesn’t agree with her is just the devil in her eyes. A lot of this type of back and fourth happens. My dad is constantly downing his own father for cheating on all of his wife’s and creating a toxic situation for him and his siblings (he also sided with my mom during their divorce so that made him bitter as well). I start seeing him talking to my grandmother poorly and treating her poorly, downs his siblings constantly. Finally, fast forwarding to current times. I go visit my grandmother because she lives much closer than he does well apparently he told her she is not allowed to see me before him and if she does there will be hell to pay (which is why she never came to see me) I start getting really upset about this. While I’m visiting her she gets a phone call from my dads wife that he’s cheating on her, she’s going to leave him, threatens to euthanize the dogs because she won’t be able to take them when she leaves etc. makes my grandmother cry it’s a big mess. Then my grandmother venting to me is like “he cheated on your mom, took you to see his mistress while they were getting a divorce and brought her to the divorce hearing, cheated on his second ex wife multiple times, and now his current wife multiple times, I don’t understand what’s wrong with him he’s going to therapy” and I tell her it’s because he has excuses for everything and can’t take accountability. He also says he can’t come visit me because he has like 5 different problems with his back that don’t allow him to be in the car for more than 20 minutes but somehow it’s okay enough to go sleep with someone else? I had a long and probably very mean conversation with him because he has straight up lied to me plus he treats my grandmother like she is a piece of shit and she is a pushover and won’t stand up for herself. I’ve cut a parent off before and honestly I’m not opposed to doing it again. Am I the Jerk?

TL;DR: My dad came into my life after I cut my mom off, started a bunch of drama and lied to me multiple times and I’m ready to just cut him out of my life.