u/unsmashables

I (18F) have been dating this guy for almost a year now and ive been struggling with hiding my rlsp and with the guilt of it. (Im sorry for how long this one is)

For some context, i started dating him last year june and before we went on our first date i made the silly mistake of telling my strict mom that i wanna go on a date with him and obvi she blatantly refused saying that im too young, that relationships are just traps and distractions, and that i should simply focus on my career as it isnt my age to date. Well, i still secretly went on the date and we got tgt. Two weeks later, my mom sat me down at night and she confronted me by saying that i know that you havent stopped talking to him and i want to stop everything. So indirectly she got me to confess and she started crying and started talking about her stress and that me dating will be another burden for her. So i ended up crying that night too and breaking up with him over text. We went no contact for a week but i just felt so bad that i "lead him on" and "left him so soon". So i got back in touch with him and we agreed to continue dating.

Around a month later my mom sat me down again one night and made me confess about my relationship. At this point when i confessed, she started crying again and she slowly started saying that shes having palpitations and her work stress is too much for her to deal with and that i dont know what all her and dad have for me just so that i could have a good life. This broke me more and she said that if i dont break up with him now then shes gonna leave me and move to dads place (which is in my native as my dad works there). She said that she cant deal with all of this stress and that shes gonna quit everything here and tell my dad and move away. I tried really hard to negotiate all three times, i really tried. i showed them that he wouldnt be a distraction and i did it. My grades were really good too (i scored a 9.5 in the first year of college) and so was my attendance so its not like i was lagging behind academically.

Anyways so we broke up for the second time and this time we didnt go no contact because he said he couldnt just go no contact with me. So i agreed to talk to him for a while before ending things for good. But i just couldnt do it and we decided to get back together again. I didnt tell my best friends about this for a few weeks because they were in support of my mother and they dissapproved of me dating him even after my mom said no. Few weeks later when i did tell them in our gc, my mom somehow got the urge to check my phone bcs i came late home that night and she found out that got back with him, but i somehow managed to convince her that i broke up w him that same night again because "i realized my mistake" and that "i would never repeat it again".

So after that my moms palpitation problem got worse and she started having stress related health problems. I told my best friends and they said that its all because of me but my bf said it cant be so bcs my frnds are overthinkers just like me and its absolutely impossible that all of my moms health problems got triggered bcs of me.

So this went for a few months until last week. We were on vacation and me and mom were in the car with my cousin driving. I was sitting in the front passanger seat and while i was texting my bf back my mom peeped into my phone and she asked me who am i texting. So i just told her that its my friend but she asked for my phone and she went through out chats and just stopped talking to me for the rest of the evening. Later when we reached at our home (basically our native where dad stays) she asked me if she should tell my father everything and i said okay fine. So she told my dad that night and my dad said the same things again, whatever my mom said earlier about dating being a trap and that its not my age. He said that weve given you the freedom to do everything, then why would you do this to us? (These are the people who dont let me stay out past 9pm and dictate what clothes i should and shouldnt wear ugh). So i got sad that night but i didnt break up with him this time. I told him ill need a little bit of space as i wont be able to respond as quick as before.

I dont know what to do rn. My moms getting sus of my everytime i call or text someone. She asks why am i smiling even when i watching reels. The main problem i have rn is that if i get caught again, my mom will leave me and both my parents will cut me off for good. I really wanna continue my realtionship because my bf is an amazing man whos been extremely supportive of me throughout this. And my bf is a good man in general as well, he fits my type, hes patient and understanding, he loves me for who i am, our vibes and humour matches and hes in general just a really good, God-loving man. Im too scared to talk to my best frnds about this bcs ik they wont support me and theyve made it very obvious that they dislike my relationship and my bf. What should i do about this guilt? How do i get over it and any tips on how to hide my rlsp better?

tl;dr i need help wiht hiding my relationship from my parents because theyre against it and will cut me off if i dont break up

I (18F) have been dating this guy for almost a year now and ive been struggling with hiding my rlsp and with the guilt of it. (Im sorry for how long this one is)

For some context, i started dating him last year june and before we went on our first date i made the silly mistake of telling my strict mom that i wanna go on a date with him and obvi she blatantly refused saying that im too young, that relationships are just traps and distractions, and that i should simply focus on my career as it isnt my age to date. Well, i still secretly went on the date and we got tgt. Two weeks later, my mom sat me down at night and she confronted me by saying that i know that you havent stopped talking to him and i want to stop everything. So indirectly she got me to confess and she started crying and started talking about her stress and that me dating will be another burden for her. So i ended up crying that night too and breaking up with him over text. We went no contact for a week but i just felt so bad that i "lead him on" and "left him so soon". So i got back in touch with him and we agreed to continue dating.

Around a month later my mom sat me down again one night and made me confess about my relationship. At this point when i confessed, she started crying again and she slowly started saying that shes having palpitations and her work stress is too much for her to deal with and that i dont know what all her and dad have for me just so that i could have a good life. This broke me more and she said that if i dont break up with him now then shes gonna leave me and move to dads place (which is in my native as my dad works there). She said that she cant deal with all of this stress and that shes gonna quit everything here and tell my dad and move away. I tried really hard to negotiate all three times, i really tried. i showed them that he wouldnt be a distraction and i did it. My grades were really good too (i scored a 9.5 in the first year of college) and so was my attendance so its not like i was lagging behind academically.

Anyways so we broke up for the second time and this time we didnt go no contact because he said he couldnt just go no contact with me. So i agreed to talk to him for a while before ending things for good. But i just couldnt do it and we decided to get back together again. I didnt tell my best friends about this for a few weeks because they were in support of my mother and they dissapproved of me dating him even after my mom said no. Few weeks later when i did tell them in our gc, my mom somehow got the urge to check my phone bcs i came late home that night and she found out that got back with him, but i somehow managed to convince her that i broke up w him that same night again because "i realized my mistake" and that "i would never repeat it again".

So after that my moms palpitation problem got worse and she started having stress related health problems. I told my best friends and they said that its all because of me but my bf said it cant be so bcs my frnds are overthinkers just like me and its absolutely impossible that all of my moms health problems got triggered bcs of me.

So this went for a few months until last week. We were on vacation and me and mom were in the car with my cousin driving. I was sitting in the front passanger seat and while i was texting my bf back my mom peeped into my phone and she asked me who am i texting. So i just told her that its my friend but she asked for my phone and she went through out chats and just stopped talking to me for the rest of the evening. Later when we reached at our home (basically our native where dad stays) she asked me if she should tell my father everything and i said okay fine. So she told my dad that night and my dad said the same things again, whatever my mom said earlier about dating being a trap and that its not my age. He said that weve given you the freedom to do everything, then why would you do this to us? (These are the people who dont let me stay out past 9pm and dictate what clothes i should and shouldnt wear ugh). So i got sad that night but i didnt break up with him this time. I told him ill need a little bit of space as i wont be able to respond as quick as before.

I dont know what to do rn. My moms getting sus of my everytime i call or text someone. She asks why am i smiling even when i watching reels. The main problem i have rn is that if i get caught again, my mom will leave me and both my parents will cut me off for good. I really wanna continue my realtionship because my bf is an amazing man whos been extremely supportive of me throughout this. And my bf is a good man in general as well, he fits my type, hes patient and understanding, he loves me for who i am, our vibes and humour matches and hes in general just a really good, God-loving man. Im too scared to talk to my best frnds about this bcs ik they wont support me and theyve made it very obvious that they dislike my relationship and my bf. What should i do about this guilt? How do i get over it and any tips on how to hide my rlsp better?