u/unworthymuser

I enrolled in a medical college (essentially, med school) in Bangladesh in 2023. Though, to be honest, I don't think I deserved that position. I have always coasted through life, never having to make a decision by myself. What my parents decided to be the best for me, I went along with it. I can't clearly say if I ever in my life had any moments where I chose a goal for myself. That never caused me any issue, I passed, with average marks, and average grasp on concepts. In a way, to score in the comfortable region of 60%, I did not have to break a sweat.

Despite such indecisiveness and considerable apathy towards medicine, I somehow managed to get until fourth year here. But now, things are feeling quite grim. I can no longer depend on coasting through the year as I did previously. At the same time, I can not comprehend why should I even work hard...I don't even know what kind of doctor I want to be. Despite racking my brain up trying to look for answers, or even a little drive to push towards a goal, I'm always drawing up a blank.

I always assumed there are only two streams of people here- one who hate medicine with a passion but has to study because their parents forced it on them and the other who live and breathe medicine as a passion. But there's also a third category, where I belong- one who have no particular aptitude for anything else, no ambitions and also, no particular interest in medicine in either.

Sorry for my rant, I just needed to get this off my chest. Ever since my father, who also happened to be a doctor, passed away, people around me have this odd expectation of me (or at least I think so). Point is, I am not gonna be a great doctor like my dad was because I'm too dumb but people don't seem to understand that. I am just wasting on everyone's hope.

So, I recently got into Jdoramas and finding the shows I wanna watch because of their unique plotline is near to impossible. Within a month of my frenzied binging I have circled through 10+ streaming sites to find the dramas I wanna watch. While it served me adequately for the absolute famous ones, but now I have hit a massive roadblock.

I am a new fan of Yagira Yuya's works, and after I've watched his famous works, I wanted to check out his niche ones, like Shinji Matta ze, Aoi Hoono, Nigatsu no Shousha and others. But no matter where I search, the links all come up broken. I can't even speak Japanese so unsubbed episodes will also not be able to help me even I find the somewhere.

I really don't know where else am I supposed to look for these anymore.