u/upsetangel1111

I always had an interest in music and theatre. Thankfully, I went to a high school that was big on performing arts, but it was also in a predominantly white suburban environment. Which meant most of the people doing these things were white, and they acted cliquish and left me out of everything. When I would express interests in the same things as them, they would push me out, act like I do not exist, accuse me of copying them. It got to the point I stopped expressing any of my interests and hobbies, because I was told that it is stupid, people like me should not be pursuing them (a brown girl), and I should just stop copying them. They acted like they are the only people in this world who are interested in music and theatre and only they are allowed to do them, people like me were pushed out.

It's the same with many other things. I was once interested in learning German because I genuinely loved the way it sounded and thought it was a beautiful language. But seeing the way Germany and most of Europe treat foreigners is making me think otherwise. I have also had some negative experiences with Germans in the past. Long story short, they do not want me here. They don't anyone who looks like me to be learning their language. They are obviously not going to say it out loud, but it's pretty obvious with how they treat me.

I know if I am truly interested in these things I would be pursuing them anyway, regardless of what others think. But experiencing constant exclusion, hostility and bullying has traumatised me. Now even if I do get the chance to learn music or German, it makes me think of all the negative experiences I have had which prevents me from learning. It makes me feel like poser, like I am trying too hard, like I am not supposed to do this. It made me feel very conflicted because I am interested in these things. When I was younger and was naive about the world, unaware of systemic racism, I truly did enjoy them. But now, my enjoyment has been ruined and coloured by all these negative, racist experiences. Has anyone else experienced this?

I have officially gone NC over a year ago and life has been the most peaceful it has ever been. However, now that I am in a safer place, with people in my life that validate and listen to me, treat me with respect, it made me reflect and realise how badly I was treated. I was only a child when most of these things happened, so I did not have much control over the situation. But I still can't help but to have flashbacks, play scenarios in my head as to what I could've said or done differently. I hate how I let these things happen and did not stand up for myself. I hate how there is no justice, no compensation, not even an acknowledgement of what happened. I hate how most of these people can treat someone so badly yet get to go on to live happy, successful, fulfilling lives like nothing happened. It feels me up with rage that I don't know how to cope with. Has anyone else experienced this?

About a year ago when I was doing a course at a uni, there was a WW in my class who seemed very bothered by me. For context, at the time I was very quiet and kept to myself due to some issues going on at home with my family. I just wanted to do my work, get a job, then move out. But this WW seemed very offended by how I wasn't telling her about myself, how quiet I was, how she didn't "know" me. She would give me dirty looks, be nosy, always want to know what I was doing. She would snap at me, one time she even told me to "shut up and stop talking", when no one was around. Then one day when I was watching something on my computer, she demanded to know what I was watching. She came up behind me, hovered over me, with her hands on her hips. I turned off my computer and stared at her. She was shocked, her mouth was wide open. She could not believe I rejected her, I said no to her.

After that she walked off, me thinking that this was it, she will finally leave me alone. But she ended up talking and bad-mouthing me to the rest of the class. I don't know what she said, but it was bad enough for the entire class to go against me. The next day when I walked in, I saw that my entire class was giving me dirty looks, as if I had done something terrible. Not too long after that, I dropped the course.

Unfortunately, this is not the only case. I grew up in the suburbs as a brown girl, and I was always quiet due to some childhood trauma I experienced. And WW always, seemed to take offense to that. It's bizarre how me simply minding my business, keeping to myself and not bothering anyone can trigger them so much. Has anyone else experienced this? Why do they feel the need to "know" you? And how do you cope with that?

I am still shocked about this. So, yesterday on 09/06/2026 my rental was scheduled for an inspection between 12:30pm - 4:30pm. I prepared, I took time off work, spent the entire morning cleaning.

But nobody came. By 4:45pm, I called my rental provider and was told it would be taken up to a supervisor.

So, I undid everything. Put my clothes away, hanged my underwear on the clothing rack, basically made it seem how it would normally look, thinking the inspection would be rescheduled.

This evening, after I got home from work, I knew that someone has entered the property. Upon further investigation, I realised that an inspection has been done the day after it was scheduled while I was at work, without my knowledge.

I have already emailed my rental provider about this but I am still distraught. I received no email, no text message, no notice that it was going to happen. The property was not ready for inspection. I am honestly so embarrassed that they must've seen and probably even took photos of my underwear that I left hanging on the clothing rack. I feel that my privacy has been violated. I work full-time and live with no family or friends for support. I am afraid that this may impact my ability to renew my lease, even though it was not my fault. I am still waiting to hear back from my rental provider but is there anything else I should do? I know legally they are required to give me a minimum 7 days notice.

Update: I contacted my real estate provider today and was informed there was no inspection done on the property recently that was on their record. Maybe I was mistaken. But I still reminded them to give me a notice beforehand. I also updated my contact details with them so hopefully this won't be an issue in the future.