u/vaaeenilla

As far as I know, he's a straight man. That's fine by me. I'm just here to enjoy the ride, and I think ever since my *special* dream about him and the fantasies I started having, I've been a lot more active in his department, which he highly appreciates.

We're 32 employees at this location, just 6 men (with three of them being in supervisor roles) so there aren't really that many male coworkers. I don't mind, the women in the company are funny as hell and gender is possibly one of the least important things about another person for me, but he told me he's pretty happy to finally have another guy to spend his shifts with, and I'm happy because I get to know him better. Win-win.

I think I'm past the point of being unsure about my orientarion. I mean, it couldn't be even more obvious. I'm pretty sure I have a crush on him. I love when I make jokes and he laughs at them, I love having discussions on various topics with him, I love witnessing his skills and honestly complimenting them or telling him kind things in general and seeing him smile.

AND I managed to invite myself to his house this weekend. We're gonna be drinking homebrewn cider in his garden and afterwards play video games together and go out and get some takeout, too. Gotta be careful I don't fall for him too hard, but I'm so looking forward to spending time with him, and getting to know the person he is out of work.

I quit drinking a little over a week ago and also decided to completely ditch cigarettes around the same time. Everything went mostly well until today, I had a terrible week at work, I've been sleeping really poorly for a few days now and my appetite is completely gone. I pulled another 9 hour shift today and felt like I was about to cry the whole time, I also couldn't eat a bite. My boyfriend picked me up on my way home and I caved in and smoked three cigarettes while waiting for my two cans of sugarfree red bull to kick in. The last cigarette felt more like a chore than anything else and I just wanted to put it out, there was nothing enjoyable about it.

I'm just so disappointed in myself. I didn't miss smoking at all these past few days (minus a handful of mild cravings), but I kind of reached a breaking point today where I was just miserable and didn't care anymore. I was really proud of the streak I had going and I'm so disappointed I had to reset my counter to zero. I just want to break free of this habit.