u/venjamins

I've been reading a lot - not just on forums, but I've picked up the Grimorium Verum, Demons of Magic, the Lesser Key, and I'm looking for a few other things on the reading list. Heptameron and Abramelin are likely next on the list.

One thing that is consistently inconsistent is the "end result."

A lot of what I read tends to be that, during and after a ritual invocation, there's a feeling of energy that is external to the person. But there's also the possibility that you feel nothing. Conversely, you hear about physical evocations, where you conjure the demon into the physical world with you to kind of work out the terms of an arrangement, or make your petition / request.

More than that, though, is a lot of what I read (at least from more modernized perspectives) is that working with demons is deeply based on your own internal world. Shadow work, fixing yourself and your perceptions, changing your internal nature to make you "attract" more. For instance, a ritual to increase money isn't just going to dump a lump sum in your lap, you aren't going to conjure silver and gold into existence, but you might get the courage to start a business.

The older grimoires talk about making external changes. Influencing people directly to do what you want. Actual Invisibility (you just need beans and a human skull!) Conjuring wealth from nothing.

I guess my question is: If you want to materially change reality through working with demons, is that possible? Not in a "I prayed to god that my sick relative would get better and after 3 years of chemo they're finally healed" kind of way, but a "I dealt with a demon, I followed the rules, and now have these material things that should have been impossible." (I read "makes the improbably probable" in one of the books, but then the example is like, "closing a deal for a sale!" which to me isn't that improbable, you know?)

I want some things, and myself, to be so well hidden that no one even thinks to look for me. But no amount of "internal" work is going to do that, you know? Sure, I could try and cultivate a persona / look that is boring to kind of "blend in" to a crowd or people just kind of look past me, but I don't want them to even think to check for me. Like my name wouldn't ever come up in the first place.

I thought working with Bael to make myself that invisible would work, but what I want is external. And if demon-work is mostly about fixing your internal road blocks so that you can get what you want, but doesn't actually affect material reality outside of you, then I might be out of luck.

Sorry. This is a long winded way of going "Is the fact that you worked towards something and got it evidence of a demon manipulating reality to get you there, or would the demon bring you what you asked for without you being able to work for it in the first place?"

(Double sorry, because this sounds like me just being a giant skeptic, when I haven't even done a ritual yet. I'm planning on doing the one Macross has in the FAQ, but I just... want it to work. Very much so. But in other readings, apparently really wanting something to happen can cause it to not happen for some reason. Or doubting it might happen could make it not happen, where you'd think that an "operation" would work so long as the "operation" was performed correctly. I really like the term 'operation' and 'operator.')

Survivors. I have been playing a lot of Jason since his release, and I love him to death. But I decided it was time to get back to my roots and do a little surviving.

And man, let me just say, the situation is dire. Flashlight stalking into no saves, no touching gens unless the killer is in an active chase, sneaking into lockers despite knowing the killer has a full hex build,

BUT! This is not about that.

We got this really cool upgrade a while back, that lets us see each other's perks. It's no longer a mystery. We can check! This was done to bring us more in line with SWFs, who have the power of K N O W L E D G E.

But you know, I've noticed that survivors either do not check, or do not care. Me, sitting with Deli and We'll Make It? Unhook in front of my face. Active Deli? Farm me off hook. Unbreakable in a slug-off? Walk towards me to get the heal. (Which, I suppose, is nice instincts overall, but unneeded.)

Cleansing all the totems while I'm running Lend a Hand / Overzealous / Counterforce / Inner Strength? Excellent job.

STB? Let me get the guy that's being tunneled.

This has mostly just been a reminder that we got this really good tool at our disposal, and it's pretty clear it's not been used. Maybe some of the big survivor creators can make a video on build checking so it becomes popular.

Killers: I know this is mean to you because it's giving Solo-Q a little more power but. Believe it's necessary. Lol.

I think this is VTM5e - it's just kind of a silly one shot thing a friend and I are doing. We've goofed bits, and are mostly playing in the world, and I, being Extra Nerd, decided to look into some of the mechanical things that we are mostly handwaving.

I even used an online resource to make a character sheet, and picked stuff out mostly based on "vibes" and my general understanding of WoD stuff. (I've played Mummy and Werewolf before)

I thought "Blood Leech" predator type was really nifty, and I decided to keep it going, but the more I read into it, the more confused I get.

Diablerie isn't just drinking vampire blood. You have to consume their soul, right? So why would you take the secret "Diablerist" if you're not... diablerizing? It shouldn't mess with your aura or anything, and so long as you're drinking from a cup or something, you don't even risk a blood bond or anything.

But on the subject of Diablerie - why does it ding your humanity? To me, it reads kind of backwards - drinking vampire blood due to blood leech / diablerie is you attempting to NOT feed on mortals, right? Isn't that the most human you can be?

Sorry if these questions are silly or anything.

When I was young, I started studying wicca. I had a general idea of how to do basic things. Visualization, manipulating my own energy, setting intention. I didn't have disposable income, my family was Not Okay With It, and though a couple years ago I started feeling my way back into spirituality and touching the edges of magicks, I always kind of let it go. I would use crystals because it didn't require me digging deep. Small rituals to cleanse my energy or protect myself from bad feelings.

About a year ago I made a mistake that kind of sent me on a mental spiral. And it was really bad the last week. So I made the jump from "occasionally I put together a ritual" to "I should sell my soul to the devil."

Thus I fell into this subreddit. (For some reason my e-mail was tied to my old account. I've since fixed it, but.) I mentioned wanting to avoid things, and a couple people answered very helpfully.

I don't know much about demons. I have been reading the beginners threads, but I didn't really slow down at all.

I drew up Bael's sigil. I started chanting his enns. I felt something that wasn't me, but I had no offerings, I had no intention setting. I just explained, maybe poorly, that it was just me wanting to say hi. Wanting to work on keeping myself invisible to groups of people.

Almost immediately I was tugged towards other things. Like "huh, I should get a scrying mirror" and I found one online. (Really nice bronze glass company makes them.) Etsy for a sigil ring. A stone to better open a connection. Time to get black candles and statuary and make a new altar. My last one had oils and crystals and things.

But I feel this weird concern. I did more reading, and I understand Bael is a "do not fuck around" type entity. I also know that maybe I didn't contact him, maybe just a nearby spirit.

I don't want to be driven towards or away something by fear, but reading how very much trial by fire some demons can be, I'm just not sure if doing more than saying "hi" is particularly smart. Like asking for guidance, or asking to actually be protected from the consequences of my mistake might instead have a demon say "Nah-ah, we learn from consequences" even though that is really very much not what I want. That's why I want to be invisible to those consequences, basically. And maybe I already invited that just by saying hello.

I dunno. I just know "diving into the deep end" when I my foundation is worn and cracked is probably not the smartest of ideas.

Have I already gone too far? Am I setting myself up for a tower moment by even stepping up and introducing myself? How much of a monkey's paw situation would I put myself in if I ask to be protected from something, but get shoved under the wheels of the bus anyways?