u/vilake12

Hi, I was reading the definitions that are listed on the side about grey sexuality, and I had a question about a few of them. I've spent a bit of time on the asexual subreddits, and some of the definitions that you have differ from them a little bit and I'd just like to learn a bit more about them.

I understand that they are not the be all end all on asexuality, but I just have a few questions about why things are different. Understanding how/why these different opinions occur is good to understand what is asexuality as a whole.

With definition B (Experience sexual attraction, but not enough to act upon it), I'm used to hearing that asexuality is about attraction not action. But the definition here would fall under action (lack thereof). So does action actually play a role here? Over there, they would shut down the suggestion of this falling under grey-asexuality, since they would shut down the idea of acting or not having anything to do with your sexuality at all. So why is it included here? Are they just a bit more gatekeepy over there?

With definition D (Anyone who identifies as sex-indifferent, sex-adverse, or sex-repulsed but may experience drive and/or attraction) I have two questions.

Question 1 is that sex-repulsed people can have a drive and still be counted? They always say that your drive has nothing to do with your attraction to others since they base it only on attraction to others.

Question 2 would be that sex-repulsed allos do actually count as grey-ace? When I asked before, they always said no, because if you have sexual attraction, you can't be ace at all, even though they seem to accept demi and grey-aces, who by definition have some level of sexual attraction. They said that grey-ace and demis are allowed because their experience with sexuality is different than an allo's, but a sex-repulsed allo would not have an experience different enough to let them under the ace umbrella.

That is something that I have thought that I might be, and having it fall under the ace spectrum is how I always thought it should be. It would make sense for me, but with seeing different definitions, it's hard to understand if I would actually would still be considered ace or what I would be considered. I know there is the whole "live your life without labels", which is good advice, but I also just like to learn more about them, you know? Thanks for any and all answers given.

Oops, forgot one more question. I've also seen people say that having a very weak attraction can count as greysexual. What is defined as weak attraction? I guess I don't understand what normal strength would be versus weak. Is it less of a desire to act on it? Do you only feel attraction to not full on sex but other things sexual (like touching down there)? Or what? I just really don't understand the weak part without understand what does not count as weak.

I'm going to group things/over simplify here when I know that there is probably more nuance and things will be left out.

I feel like there are different groups of sexual activity. We have hand stuff (touching, hand jobs, fingering, etc.), oral (think this one doesn't need explaining), and intercourse (penetration, scissoring, etc.). There might be more, but just going with those three groups here. And by touching, I mean it more as touching privates, trying to separate that from touching in a sensual way like hand holding, hugging, etc.

Now that I've explained that, when an allo person feels sexual attraction, are they feeling all three types? Whether that means at once or at different times. What if they only feel one or two of those? Is that still considered allo or would that fall under like grey-sexuality, since grey invovles feeling sexual attraction different from allos? Say someone is fine with everything except oral. I imagine that their experience with sexual attraction would be different from an allo, but they are also feeling sexual attraction, right? That question is based on all three types are considered sexual attraction.

Or is only the intercourse category considered sexual attraction? If so, what term would describe the other categories?

I ask because I'm just curious about how the terms are defined. Sometimes I think it's easier to understand what sexual attraction by learning what is not that. Instead of just learning what does count, rounding out the knowledge to know what is not can help me create a clearer picture.

Thanks to anyone that helps give an answer. I really appreciate it.