u/virtual-rat

A few days after my last post of screaming into the void about my dad’s self-neglect, I found him down for the first time. He’s hidden his falls from me to this point but not this time. He was confused and said he shot himself in the head, and then that someone had some in and shot him from the back and robbed him. He’s been in the hospital since then doing various tests, which he of course is resistant to but I and the staff have managed to get him to comply so far.

His main doc says that he is still awake and oriented so he can make his own decisions. But I still asked to speak to a social worker to voice my concerns, because he’s still making statements not based in reality. In a bright sunny room, he thought it was 10pm. And he’s worried squatters are going to break into his house and stay there which is obviously unfounded. He’s very angry and confused and paranoid. OH, and I have a report in with DCF, but they can’t accept it until he’s discharged. So I’m trying to fast track speaking to social workers, but it seems like he’ll be there overnight for more testing and monitoring, so that bought me some hours.

I appreciated yall for reading and everyone that offered advice. The saga continues

** EDIT: Just left the hospital, his nurse let me know negative for UTI, his head scans all looked fine, AND psych cleared him yesterday!!! She was shocked about that when I told her the reality of the situation. She’s getting psych in there again and maybe we can get an update that.

My (30F) dad (65M), who lives alone, has had a few rough years of health issues. It started in 2024, I think, with a fall that gave him a fractured vertebrae. Then the falls have just kept coming, though he never has told me about it when it occurs. It’s usually days after, IF he tells me at all. His home was starting to get messy prior to that, so I cleaned everything up to give him a fresh start so he could focus on healing.

Well, that is not what happened. He got so, so, so much worse.

Multiple falls later; he’s drinking 4 mini bottles of wine a day. Broken kitchen sink full of flies. Ever surface is covered in grocery bags with molding food and wine bottles. Bodily fluids everywhere. BUGS everywhere, including the freezer which I didn’t even think was possible. Pee bottles. Boxes of adult diapers piled up outside the door. Massive massive edema in ankles. Paper thin skin that rips if you look at it wrong. He is a shell of the man I knew.

He and I were best friends for most of my childhood. But over the past 10 years, things have deteriorated a bit, and the fun, loving dad I knew is gone and an angry drunk has emerged from his corpse. I see glimpses of my dad at times, but then he’s gone again.

The other day, he ended up in the hospital with an 85/50 BP looking like death warmed over. He was sitting there, skin and bones, his eyes partially open, barely lucid and pale. I’ve never seen him look so frail. He has no major diagnoses I’m aware of, other than hypo and hypertension. He is adamant he does not have dementia. But I do not think he is honest with his doctors.

I spoke to a patient advocate who let me know that he is too cognizant for me to take over his care. He can still make decisions for himself, apparently. He has pushed me so far away, angrily and bitterly, and refuses any help that I or my partner offer. Yesterday, he didn’t answer his phone or read messages for about 24 hours, and I was SURE he had fallen and died at home. I pictured his dead body on the floor every possible way I could on the 40 minute drive to his place. But, he was alive, and angry that I had spoken to his doctors about my serious concerns for his health without his permission.

I miss my fucking dad.

My best friend’s mother died this week and my friend is not coping at all. My friend normally “eats like a bird” and likes mostly plain food (we are in the US).
If you were picky and were at the point of basically being force fed for nourishment, what foods could you recommend to be palatable?

My ideas were plain rice, sipping broth, jello … not sure what else.