u/void1306

Man, i am so low in my life rn. Before and during my high school i was so passionate and curious about everything, i used to love studying and was pretty avg overall but really good in physics and computer as i loved those subjects and liked to study it in depth even after i completed my 10th standard i used to do different research projects and in my final HS year i even started writing my own reasearch journal and learnt different programming languages due to which i fucked my final year result just got 68% and by that time all my friends either where switching to different streams or prepering for entrance exams for engineering. I too was preparing for best reasearch institutue in country for my ug in physics but well i didnt meet the cutoff rank and was really heartbroken that year due to my poor 12th result and then not getting any university. Everyone who are in academia were obv good in there high school years, but after my result everyone used to laugh and even i feel embarrassed stating i want to be a scientist. i decided to take a gap year to study for entrance but hell i just studied everytimg except my syllabus like i really studied 7-8 months but after that i stopped revising and forgot most of it. I got a year, a second chance and still i messed up, my confidence is shattered now. But i still have that passion for physics but passion doest give marks idk why i am so poor at exams and its an irony if somone was interested in bussiness or somthing they would just drop out and focus on their stuff but i dreamt my whole future on what i am failing at right now. I mean really if i am so bad at exam why the hell did i choose this.

Well tomorrow is my entrance exam and i just ranted my 2y of guilt and how much of a looser and failure i am. Many people suggest me to change my stream and go into commerce or arts but i really have 0 interest in that, i dont know how and what will happen now but i just lost so much in these 2years never felt sooo low in my life.... I just wanted to study my interest but i myself killed my dream.