u/vulpinehoney

I've been diabetic for 15 years now. Sometimes, it's gone pretty smoothly (as much as a chronic illness can I guess), but recently I have been so overwhelmed.

I was diagnosed with PMDD a few months ago, and I have INSANE insulin resistance for a couple weeks during my luteal phase, on top of being extremely depressed and anxious.

Right now, I'm sick with a summer cold, which is leading to stubborn highs and just generally feeling crappy. And in a couple of days, it'll be luteal phase time again. As silly as it sounds, I'm kinda mourning having even a few days of feeling "normal."

On top of all of that, I've been in recovery from long-standing diabulimia for around a year now. I watched my body change super fast, and I unfortunately gained quite a lot of weight, which has been super distressing for me. I've yet to find a good therapist equipped to deal with something as complex as this, but I'm still searching.

I know it's worth trying to take care of my health in the long run, but part of me is like, "If my sugars are going to be all over the place and run high all the time anyway, I could at least be skinny," as awful as that sounds. It's been a struggle not to fall back into old habits, but I've managed not to. I don't want to get back to that place again, for myself and for my spouse.

I'm just so tired. Tired of the brain fog, tired of the dehydration, tired of the extra weight I'm carrying, tired of missing out on life, tired of the physical and mental effort it takes to stay in a normal range, tired of feeling like my body is my enemy.

I don't really want any advice, I just needed to vent. There aren't any other T1Ds in my life, and as much as I have supportive people around me, I kinda feel like they don't really "get it." With each day, I will keep fighting the good fight, but it certainly feels like a battle.

Do you know Steve Jobs stunk and cried all the time?

Just so tired