Our breakup was amicable and we lived together for a few months but she still ended up making me feel crazy and betrayed in the end
My ex and I have been living together with our own separate rooms since she broke up with me in late March of this year, 2026. I moved into her office and she took our old room. I loved her and did not want this breakup but I accepted it and was willing to make the most of it. I even came to be really excited about having a friendship with her that would hopefully be healthier and more fulfilling than our relationship had been. Everything was fine between us and we were living comfortable as roommates. I got overwhelmed one week and mixed up my dates, got behind in our mutual friend group’s group chat and ended up missing a birthday party that was sort of a joint party for her and a friend.
Ever since, my ex has been acting weird af and telling me I trigger her, that I remind her of my mom (who is abusive), and getting really upset if I ask any questions about our past relationship to help with getting closure or if I slip up and talk about a detail of my personal life she didn’t want to hear. I apologized for every mistake and owned up to it, but apparently from her POV, I have just been nonstop triggering her in ways she can’t describe to me. She says I can’t help it so she isn’t holding it against me.
I started dating other people after my ex broke up with me because I didn’t get a lot of my emotional or physical needs met in the relationship and while yes she broke my heart when she ended it I was excited to get back out there and have fun. She encouraged me to do this, not that I needed her blessing but I felt like as long as I’m not rubbing it in her face, it’s all good.
The problem is that I overbooked myself. I was doing a volunteer gig, looking for a new job, matching with and flirting with way too many girls and nonbinary people at once, and going on too many dates back to back. I am a relatively newly out trans man and didn’t expect to find partners to hook up with this easily because I legit thought I was unattractive as a man but here we are. Point is, I stopped talking to me and my ex’s mutual friends because it felt awkward for reasons I couldn’t really articulate at the time and which I struggle to make sense of even now. I just hoped no one was mad at me for falling behind in the group chat and missing one birthday party. Apparently this was the final straw for the whole friend group despite me not even know that any of them held any resentment against me to begin with. Meanwhile, apparently my ex was upset that she could hear my phone calls with this one nonbinary lover I started getting really close to. I thought I was quiet enough. Knowing her, she probably told them I was seeing new people and I guess they think I am a monster for moving on.
This culminated in my ex starting to act even weirder cuz she knew that two of our mutual friends hated me but wouldn’t tell me why she was being so secretive nor would anyone in the friend group tell me they were mad. So she’d go to a thing, I’d ask about it, and she’d lie, and I’d just shrug it off. I don’t want to get into more detail than I’ve already shared, but basically I fold her I am assuming our friends are turning on me because of something she told them about me, and I guess she told our friends this so one of them reached out to tell me off and end our friendship. There really wasn’t much of a friendship there anyways but I had had hopes that the group would have compassion for me about me missing events and whatnot.
I am so confused. I was in an abusive relationship back in 2020 for 9 months and it took me two years to heal from that. One thing I remember about that time was being super confused. I had constant brain fog and felt depersonalized a lot of the time. This relationship I just left lasted 5 years (from 2021 to 2026), and I suffered a lot, thinking I was doing the right thing, only now to find out none of it mattered and nothing I did correctly as an ex partner mattered either. I am currently having the same feelings of brain fog and confusion I had back in 2020.
For context, I am a trans man who used to identify as a lesbian. I only say this cuz I know people are going to read this and assume I am a straight cis man if I don’t specify. Idk how to explain this but basically because of my upbringing and biology, people don’t tend to view me as a masculine heterosexual man so I don’t really benefit that much from “male privilege” and I am really only attractive to bi women and lesbians (that is unless they genuinely see me as a man because lesbians don’t like men like that). I think it’s perfectly valid if my ex just found me to be too manly and it’s also valid if she just didn’t want to be with someone who wants to work in entertainment.
All she seems to care about is having a big house and getting rich off day trading, and I think she dumped me because I wasn’t useful to her in those pursuits. The only other stuff she seemed to enjoy doing was watching anime and playing video games. We almost never had sex and when we did, it was extremely stressful. I tried really hard to do what she asked but it was never right. It’s crazy to have the same parts and not be able to give someone the feeling they need to feel good during sex, and it made me feel like an idiot.
Thankfully, I have not had this issue with women and nonbinary people who are actually attracted to me. I kind of wish my ex had just admitted she wasn’t attracted to me lol—she kept saying she still was but like that’s obviously not true. Instead of just saying “I am not attracted to you anymore” she said “we are not compatible” and when I asked her what she means by that she just gave a bunch of vague answers because the alternative was to list everything wrong with me.
I might end up homeless now because she suddenly wants me out sooner than originally planned. I feel absolutely nothing at this point. I’m in shock.
TLDR: Thought our breakup was amicable. We agreed to live with each other until I had enough money saved and a solid job. I missed a birthday party she and a friend were sharing. Ex started acting weird. Friend group turned on me. I am confused and hurt.