u/waddsworth

Father of 14yo daughter. Currently under temp 50/50 order pending hearing next month on petition to modify. Prior to temp I had 5 of 14 overnights.

A few months ago, after a fight between child and mom, mom took child's phone and went through all her massages. Among other things, mom found inappropriate pictures shared between child and child's bf. Mom was advised by police to delete the pictures immediately. She did not. In fact, she showed the phone to child's GAL weeks later. GAL acknowledged seeing the pictures in a letter she sent to our conciliator (she couldn't make the hearing, so sent a letter instead).

Since mom had unrestricted access to all of our daughter's messages, I've requested the ability to do the same (once I know the pictures are gone). Mom refuses without someone else supervising my review. She still has exclusive control of the phone (she hasn't given it back to child).

If she's still maintaining the criminal CP images on the device, and has shared them, how much trouble could she be in? What would you do in this situation?

Not even sure how I stumbled onto this sub, but here I am. I worked for a DS-Max office back in the early 2000's in Pittsburgh. Two or three divisions shared the same office. My division pushed credit card apps at K-Mart. I didn't buy the whole "opportunity" bit, but I did think there was some money to be made for the summer at least. I did well (for what it was), but the branch manager kept claiming different per-application commission amounts. For example, one day he would say, "We're getting $5 per application." Two days later, that number would be $3.50. I realized that what he was doing was basically taking his cut from the total comp for the office (whatever he needed to cover expenses plus whatever he wanted for himself), then basing the commission payout on whatever was left. He didn't actually know how much he intended to pay per application until he knew how many apps were completed and how much his cut needed to be first.

Once I realized that even the compensation was a scam I was out.

I'm not mad about it. It was more of a minor inconvenience for me and I did not get drawn into the "opportunity"and lose nearly as much as others have. And it was interesting, in an odd way. It was like I had a front row seat to a fucked up psychological experiment. I never directly observed so much denial and delusion in one place. It was creepy af.

At the end of the day, all business comes down to creating as much revenue as possible for as little cost as possible. DS-Max (Devilcorp) is like a thought exercise of how to do that when you eliminate common guardrails like ethics, morals, intelligence, skillsets, etc. They literally take products that no one wants, and through intentional deception convince an army of poor souls to go out and sell them with nearly zero capital risk to the organization. At every level normal operating costs are willingly absorbed by someone else, in exchange for a small cut off the top of what is essentially pure profit.

It's actually a pretty impressive model, if you have no need to sleep at night, or look yourself in the mirror.

It doesn't surprise me in the least that it's still around. What it needs to survive is quite abundant.

Father. Daughter is 14. I'm non custodial parent. Currently have 5 out of 14 overnights. Daughter has been adamant that she wants to live primarily with me. She's begged her mom, but mom refuses. Filing petition to modify this week. For the TLDR, main questions asked here, more background below.

1. I know there's no concrete answer, but how much weight will child's preference be given when child is 14 and can articulate a well-reasoned preference that hits on all applicable factors?

2. What is the typical role of a GAL for a 14yo? In prior experience GAL served as the "voice" for daughter - a proxy. Someone who, in theory, investigated the child's circumstances, spoke with child, and drew their own conclusions on behalf of a child who was too young and incapable of doing these things for themselves. At 14, will GAL serve more as support, or still take full control of the wheel? Is there any possibility that GAL could completely dismiss 14 yo child's preference, draw a contradictory conclusion, and keep child from testifying on their own behalf?

Background:

Current custody schedule is what mom and I came up with after our last custody case concluded around Oct 2022, and neither of us were happy with it. That case was on mom's petition to modify filed around Oct 2021. Prior to that ruling, I had 6 of 14 overnights, but mom sought to significantly reduce that to 2 of 14 and add some conditions/restrictions.

In that last case, judge requested to have daughter testify (10 yo at the time). Mom and I both agreed to not be present, so daughter felt comfortable and could speak candidly. Mom's petition leaned heavily on child's preference, and it seems the judge put a lot of weight on it, as the summary clearly indicated that most of the other factors were in my favor. The ones that weren't were either not applicable or neutral. To protect our daughter, the judge did not go in depth about what daughter testified to in terms of her preference, but did use her testimony to corroborate the other factors. Based on the resulting order, it seems that daughter did express enough of a desire to reduce some time with me, but not nearly as much as mother claimed (again... I had 6/14, order dropped it to 5/14 while mother was seeking for me to have only 2/14). The schedule that the judge created made no sense to us, so we came up with our own based on the number of overnights I was given.

Not long after that case was resolved, daughter confided in me that she felt she had made a mistake. That she had told her mom more than a year prior that she might want more time with her (at the time my daughter was going through a rough patch with my wife/her stepmom). Her mother responded by immediately hiring a lawyer and starting the legal process. Her mom had told her how much time and money she was spending on going to court, and daughter felt obligated to maintain her position, even if she wasn't sure about it. Not surprisingly, it was her mother's constant reminders about the cost of going to court that caused her to start resenting her mom. By the time she was speaking to the judge she really wasn't sure any more, but again, felt obligated to remain consistent to what she'd said to her mom a year prior. She was afraid of the consequences of expressing anything significantly different. In that year (which is an eternity for a child) she also started to take more notice of the stark contrasts between our two households, and she started to understand which one was better for her.

I obviously felt terrible for my daughter. Even after the order was written, and her mom and I came to an agreement on the schedule, and even managed to work out the support adjustment on our own, mom continued to hang the cost of court over daughter's head. Daughter went from telling me she thought she made a mistake, to being certain she'd made one. And she told me she knew she didn't want to live with her mom anymore. Beyond the constant guilt-tripping, the other factors were really starting to weigh on her as well. But we were just a few months out of a year-long custody case. We were stuck. I sent an email to mom, seeing if she'd be willing to change voluntarily. Offered to leave support as is. She rejected. Daughter asked her as well. Again, rejected. We were fatigued from court, and we had been operating in high conflict mode for years prior. So I let it be. I encouraged daughter to do her best with the situation, and that hopefully her feelings would change in time.

They haven't. Three years later and daughter's resentment of mom has only continued to grow. And to this day mom continues to guilt trip her over the cost of going to court. There's more, but suffice it to say we've reached the point where it looks like we're gong back to court.

I will be filing a petition to modify this week.