u/warbul

My ex didn't yell or cuss me out, but she knew what would hurt. I had a mental crisis in 2019, came very close to killing myself. My job truly screwed me over and I quit with my wife's blessing. Then I spiraled into major depression. I put too much of my worth in providing. I recovered but my value changed in her eyes.

Towards the end of our marriage, my ex repeatedly told me that I could disappear, and "nothing would functionally change." Life would just carry on.

Hearing my once bride dismiss my existence as a footnote almost drove me to suicide again. She said more heinous things but this sticks with me as the coldest.

I warned my ex about the effects of divorce on kids before she filled, she just scoffed. Now it's.....

Her: "I don't know why we are fighting constantly! She won't open up to me, does she open up to you?"

Me: "Yes, she opens up to me."

Her: "Well maybe we could do family counseling, whatever would best support our kid."

Me: "I'll do anything to help our girl, even counseling if she's willing."

What I wanted to say was: "You know what would've best supported our kid? Not getting a FUCKING divorce!"

The cognitive dissonance astounds me.

Our anniversary is July 16th and our court date is July 20th.

Any ideas on what I should do for our anniversary? I can't do anything mean out passive aggressive because the divorce isn't final and, I'm generally not an asshole.

Sadly I still wish this want happening. I'm going to need something to do otherwise I'll be overwhelmed by grief.

My wife has been moving her stuff out of the house this week. I'm at my mom's and it's still wrecking me. I've never been so close to suicide before. I've made a plan, picked the firearm and the date. But I don't really want to go through with it. Does it just take time? I'm on meds and have a therapist. I think I just need to get through the next couple of months.

She closed on a town home her parents are buying for her tomorrow. I feel like it's my last chance to ask her to come back. I've done this many times and the answer is always no.

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I need a cold bucket of water thrown at my head, verbally speaking.

I had two flairs of acute pancreatitis after being free of symptoms for 6 years. I was eating better and losing weight. Then my wife tells me she's not sure about staying married. She's going to take time to decide and let me know if she's in or out.

I was so stressed the first two weeks after she told me she was "deciding." At the end of the second week I went into the ER for AP. I got pneumonia and started for one week. Went home and then came back later with another attack.

Then in April my wife decided she loves me but can't be married to me. Divorce is filled and she moves out June 15th.

Today I finally got a virtual visit with a specialist and there might be atrophy and maybe one small calcium deposit in my pancreas. MCRP and possible EUS scheduled to get a better look.

This is without a doubt the lowest I've ever been in my life. I had to file all my assets with the court. While looking over my life insurance policy I noticed it pays out for suicide after 1 year, and I've owned the policy for 11. My kids would at least get the policy money.

Is it possible to have a good long life with CP? I'm hoping someone can tell me yes.

This was two weeks after my wife said she wants a divorce.

I'm close to tears telling her I don't want us to be strangers. I want us to work things out. Then she says:

"We have our kids, so we'll always be in each other's lives, for better or worse."

I go from the verge of tears to laughing out loud. When she looks at me confused I said, "for better or worse huh? Just like our wedding vows."

She did not think it was funny. Oh well, it still makes me smile. I mean, what's she gonna do, divorce me? lol.

Tldr: Convo with stbx went bad. I didn't go to work and watched tv / napped all day. I feels like a piece of crap for missing work and using the tiny bit of PTO I have.

Yesterday my stbx blew up at me during a conversation. It was about time with it kids. I was being firm that I wanted 50% overnights. She said I was being being aggressive, I said she was being aggressive back, and she blew up like a volcano.

Before I brought up overnights we had been discussing a furniture split. I pretty much agreed to everything she wanted.

When her eruption happened she threw the furniture agreement it the window. Saying "you know what, just keep everything!" Then she started mind reading, and telling me the hidden meaning of my words. She thinks I'm out to get her, or that my opinion of her is that's she's a piece of crap. The looks she gave me when she blew up were pure disgust. This from someone to months ago still looked at me with some love.

Fast forward to today and I feel destroyed. I was supposed to go to work but I used my dwindling supply of PTO to take today off. I still love this woman and want to work things out. I almost asked (for the 7th time) if she would reconsider. I found enough self respect to not beg for her back.

I was feeling low boys. Like I'm glad I don't own any firearms low. Those feelings are gone now but I'm beating myself up for missing work and using PTO. Just feeling like I'll never feel happiness again.

Wife filled for divorce April 4th. She's fine and I'm a wreck. Everything is so overwhelming. I have to decide if I will refinance the house or sell it. The idea of living in that house without her feels unbearable. But so does having a tiny apartment all alone.

I've done almost none of my personal disclosures for the court, they're due on the 21st. Everytime I try I break down sobbing. I have to complete them this weekend or I'm screwed.

Sometimes I think my kids would be better off if I was dead. My stbxw would care. She's told me so many times that having me gone makes no difference to her. I'm barely functioning here. Will it ever really get better? I'm terrified I'll die alone and I'm poverty, just like my father.