u/wedge_drivel

At university, they sold us the idea that finding work in mechanical engineering would be easy because companies were supposedly desperate for STEM graduates. Complete nonsense. I sent out 120 applications while trying to find a placement, literally any placement, polished my CV, had lots of people in the industry review it, and did the same with cover letters.

Then you get to the stage where you submit the CV and rewrite the same information into 18 different little boxes, and companies pretend to be interested before sending you fake personality quizzes and Year 7 maths tests, which might be the most pointless thing ever invented.

None of it feels like it's based on anything real. It's just an HR department deciding they need to look busy in front of their corporate bosses, so they make "aptitude assessments" full of buzzwords and weird office-speak. Unless you're practically programmed to know which answer they want, you've got an 85% chance of being rejected. And the other 15% probably guessed the right corporate NPC option by accident.

Then come the interviews, and somehow they're that bad, maybe even worse. "Tell me about a time you demonstrated exceptional leadership." Mate, I'm a student. What do you want, a story about how I carried a group project because two people disappeared and one submitted a paragraph in Comic Sans? They don't want honesty. They want you to act, exaggerate, and then exaggerate again until you resemble some LinkedIn post that's dead inside but still has a pulse.

Then after 4 months of silence because HR apparently moves at the speed of a dead printer, they send you the classic "we regret to inform you" email. Honestly, I'd rather someone just directly tell me to piss off. At least it would feel like an actual human interaction instead of a template with my name mail-merged into it.

After failing to get a placement and graduating in August, I've been rejected about 240 times. And no, I'm not a terrible student or completely socially useless. I'm very normal, and lots of people I know are stuck in the same shit. But fine. They can keep their corporate rat race jobs if that's what getting one of them looks like. I'd rather be broke with a piece of myself still intact than spend my life learning to smile through this nonsense. It's not like I chose this path carefully and deliberately, but whatever, I'll keep going somehow.

She said she was respectful in how she spoke, which is very much like her, but I admit that at first I was a little shocked that she said it that clearly to the owner. This was a place she had been excited to work at, and had been going to since she was little. The owner who was interviewing her admitted that the amount wasn't enough to live on, and apologized that they couldn't offer more. After I sat and thought about it for a bit, I realized that what shocked me wasn't just that my daughter is usually quiet and avoids confrontation. What shocked me was that she did the exact opposite of what I was raised and taught to do.

I'm 43, and when I was around her age, I would have accepted any garbage wage put in front of me just to get started and work somewhere I loved. I probably would have acted like I was grateful while they were paying me less than I deserved. And I definitely wouldn't have had the courage to look an older person in the eye, especially the person who was going to hire me, and say no. I told her I was proud of her for knowing her worth and refusing to pretend that wage was acceptable.

Most people assume that you're the one teaching your kids, but honestly, they teach you too. That part affected me more than I expected. I kept thinking about how many times I accepted less than I deserved because I thought that was normal, or because I didn't want to seem like I was being difficult.

This sub helped me see that we all need to do this. In interviews, at our current jobs, everywhere. I started a new job recently and now I'm kicking myself for not asking for more from the beginning. The next time I get the opportunity, I'm going to do it. We can't keep accepting less than a living wage as if that's normal. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone who comes after us too. Employers can pay more, and they will if enough people stop believing the excuses. They're not going to do it out of kindness.

I'm grateful for this perspective, I just wanted to share because my daughter reminded me what it means to have a backbone. Solidarity forever.

I told this story while we were having drinks a while ago, and someone told me it belongs here.

This happened 17 years ago when I was working at Northern Trust with one of the most miserable people I've ever met, named Denise. I'll use real names and places because it doesn't matter. If you're in Chicago and thinking about working there, think twice. It was a very difficult place to spend your day. Anyway, here's what happened.

I was just starting to work with Denise. The job was marketed as a small group solving complex financial operations problems with a lot of attention from senior management. The reality? It was like a mushroom farm; Denise kept everything hidden from everyone and just threw scraps at us. Most of my day consisted of compiling reports and chasing data from other departments that treated my team like we had the plague. I quickly realized I had been duped by the job description and had been trying to leave since the moment I arrived. Denise also had a lovely habit of tearing apart anyone's work over the pettiest details possible.

One of the reports I was responsible for was a regular update on copper options for a South American account. For those who don't know, an option is simply your right to buy something at a fixed price, even if the market price increases significantly. In this case, there was a right to buy at $42 per unit while the market price had reached $115. We didn't know if the account holder knew what they had, but the potential loss was so large that we had to keep monitoring it and filing reports.

So every two weeks, like clockwork, Denise would review the report and wipe the floor with me over the formatting, wording, spacing, cover note, headings - anything she could find. The numbers themselves were correct. The problem was always minor preferences that she treated like a federal crime.

One afternoon, I was poking around the shared drive and found an archived folder for an old project similar to the one I was working on. It was all Denise's work from back when she didn't have anyone working under her yet. Same type of reporting package, same audience, and same objective. So I thought, okay, if I can't do anything right, I'll use her version. I took her format, rearranged my report to look like hers, and used the exact same language from her cover letter almost word-for-word, just changing the current numbers and details.

I went into her office for her to review and sign, and suddenly she got very angry. She asked why I changed the old format? I told her that since she clearly had issues with my way, I decided to try another approach. She told me this version was worse, and might be the worst thing I had ever submitted to her. She went on and on about how weird the language was, how bad the layout looked, and how the structure made no sense. I sat there with a straight face and let her talk.

Finally, she asked me what I was thinking when I made these changes. I told her that I used the formatting and wording she had used when she was handling a similar report a few years ago. I told her I found the archive folder on the shared drive and copied her old work exactly, except for the account-specific numbers and data. Then I gave her printed copies of her old reports and cover notes to compare.

She just stared at me... In total shock. I asked her if it was that bad, should I go back to my old format? She signed the report and told me to send it as is. I asked her again to be sure, because just 45 seconds ago she was saying it was unreadable. She said it was fine and we didn't have time to redo it. So I sent it.

Fortunately, I had saved copies of all her old work to use as examples. After that meeting, I noticed she went in and deleted or moved several folders from the archive, which was exactly what I expected from her.

This game continued for the rest of my time there. I would use her templates and her old wording, and wait for her to tear them apart. After this happened a few times, she realized I had saved everything. She asked me, and I told her I had created SOPs from her old work and kept them because it was the logical thing to do.

I managed to resign about four months later.

She said she spoke respectfully, which is very much like her, but I was still a little shocked at first that she said that directly to the owner's face. It was a place she had been excited to work at, and she had been a customer there since she was little. The owner acknowledged that the amount wasn't enough to live on and genuinely apologized because they couldn't pay more. After I sat and thought about it for a bit, I realized I wasn't just shocked because my daughter is usually quiet and avoids conflict. I was shocked because it was the complete opposite of the way I was raised to think about work.

Most people assume you're the one teaching your kids everything, but honestly, it goes both ways. I learned something from her this week. She didn't cause a scene, and she didn't act entitled, she just stated the truth: that this wage wouldn't cover the basics of life. And that takes more courage than I had at her age.

I'm 43, and when I was around her age I would have accepted any garbage wage put in front of me, especially if it meant working somewhere I loved. I would have convinced myself I was lucky to be there and should be grateful for the opportunity even if I was being paid less than I deserved. I definitely wouldn't have had the nerve to refuse or push back against someone older than me who owned a business. I told her I was proud of her for understanding her worth and refusing to pretend that less than what she deserves is enough.

This sub has helped me see that we all need to start doing this more. In interviews, at our current jobs, everywhere. I started a new job recently, and now I'm kicking myself for not asking for a higher offer. The first chance I get, I'm going to do it. We can't keep accepting the normal routine of working for less than it costs to live. Not just for me or my daughter, but for everyone. Employers can pay more, and they will if enough pressure is put on them. They're just not going to come offer it on their own. Learning never stops. I'm grateful for this shift in perspective, and grateful for this sub too. I just wanted to share. Solidarity always.

I got rid of almost everything I owned except my laptop and clothes. I moved to a small town by the ocean in Hawaii. I'm renting a 160 sq ft room for $720/mo, with a shared bathroom and shared kitchen, and utilities/wifi included in the price. (My room door opens directly to the outside.) The place is about half a mile from the ocean.

I bought an electric bike and applied for a part-time job 3 miles away (also near the ocean) doing prep work and washing dishes at a decent restaurant that pays $20/hr. If the sink area is caught up and nothing is piled up, I'm doing my job and no one is standing over my head or nitpicking every detail. I put on podcasts or audiobooks, rinse pans and dishes for 5 hours, clock out, and leave. That's it. No sudden extra projects. No guilt trips to cover double shifts. I was clear from the start in the interview about all of this so no one could come later and act surprised. In return, I told them I'd be reliable, show up on time, and do exactly the job I was hired to do. And they were totally fine with that.

Honestly, I'm happier living like this than I've been in years. I'm in my early forties, and I spent most of my adult life working myself to the bone to make money for someone else, or pushing myself until I broke down trying to keep my own business afloat while also treating my employees well. It drained me.

I know I don't have health insurance. I know this isn't a safe long-term plan. I know I won't be buying luxury things or taking big trips while living like this, and I accept that. I had very little of those things before anyway, and I was still exhausted and unhappy.

I quit smoking and quit drinking.

I stopped trying to keep up with debt payments and let them go their own way.

I left the game.

From now on, I'm going to give as little of myself as possible to this bullshit, and I feel so much better than I have in a long time.

For the past few months, I've felt stuck in my current job in education/ASD/behavior support. The bureaucracy at the higher levels is a mess, and the decisions being made always leave us constantly understaffed. A few weeks ago, I applied for a job that seemed much better at another place.

They brought me in for an interview for this great job: better pay, more freedom to do the actual work, and everything. Honestly, I felt like I absolutely nailed it. The whole panel was engaged with me, and my answers came out clear and well thought-out instead of the usual post-interview spiral of "Why did I say that?" There were lots of smiles, nodding, and a really nice back-and-forth.

Near the end, the main guy walked me to the entrance, stopped, and shook my hand. As he was shaking my hand, he told me they had all really liked me and said: "I'm going to tell leadership that I want you here."

I was so surprised and excited that I looked him straight in the face and blurted out: "I want you too!"

TL;DR - I was basically offered a job and accidentally flirted with my potential new boss.