u/wei1rdo_

I am not happy, i can tell at least that. Everything is so depressing.

I hate school, i fucking do.

It hurt me the most

Why are exams a thing?

Why do they matter so much?

Why are they so stressful?

I never thought i would become this sad

I want to cut deep but i am scared

I don't like pain at all

My arm feels a bit cold though

Is a set of papers worth more than a life?

I guess it is

I don't wanna regret anything

But to be honest, i keep looking back at everything with tears

Tears of happiness but mostly sadness

I am crying

I am not prepared and i've never been

Someone is always better than me

Everyone is better than me actually

I don't even wanna wipe my tears anymore

I am so sad

The saddest i've ever been

I have to leave all my friends

And go to a new place

I am scared

What if things go wrong?

What if i'll end up sadder than i am now even after being set free?

This is too cruel

Everything is too bothersome

I don't wanna do anything

I just wanna spend my life doing nothing

I hate everything

There's worse so i shouldn't feel this way

I am grateful

I am very grateful

Eating isn't my thing anymore

Sleeping isn't my thing anymore

Drawing isn't my thing anymore

Dressing up isn't my thing anymore

Painting isn't my thing anymore

Breathing isn't my thing anymore

Existing isn't my thing anymore

I am not a good person

I swear

I am not a pretty girl

I hate my face and body

I don't like my genes

Why does my hair look like that?

I am not a smart person

My friends are all smarter than me

I feel like a confused dog between wolves

I don't belong here

I don't belong anywhere

I don't coexist

I don't deserve it

Maybe that's the way it is

I bark too much

I bite too little

I mutter too much

I don't want this

Wish i was free

Wish i was pretty

Wish i was innocent

Wish i was light as a feather

Wish i had wings

Like a bird

I don't want my wings to be hurt anymore

But everyone is taking each one of my pretty feathers as a souvenir

I want a clear mind

I want a cheerful voice

I want a pure look

I want a bright smile

Like a dove

My hands are dirty and so is my mind

I wish to cleanse and wash all of my sins

I want to return to happiness

I want to climb up and never look back down

But i don't have wings anymore

I don't remember importang things

My puny brain forgets everything

Maybe i should also forget

The past

The present

The future

And everything i did

If i will, maybe then i will get a second chance

To life

To be reborn and remake my broken wings

And to fly again

I want to fly in the sky

I want to touch the clouds

I want a new life

But i don't wanna forget my past

Thus memories keep me strained

From pulling away

From reincarnation

I will never forget the stuff i did

So i won't try to fix anything

I don't want to be healed

I want salvation yet i reject help

Why is that?

Are my wounds too open to be stiched?

But if they can't be healed

They will bleed

Bleed over my future

And stain it with my ugly mistakes and bitter past

I don't blow on the hot food before eating

That's why it burned my tongue

The organ will heal but the mind will remember the pain

So they never repeat the same mistake again

Then why?

Why don't i blow on my food before eating? Even tho i always get burned

My hunger and desire makes me forget the consequences

Of burns

I can change clothes

Become a whole new person

Move away

Like new stuff

Dress differently

But i'l always

Hate myself