u/where-is-karma-26

I keep hearing about learning to detach with love. Can somebody please explain HOW exactly this can be done?
But secondly, what’s the point? Legitimate question. If you completely detached from someone, emotionally, physically, what is the point of staying married? I’d like to hear other people who have done this and what their reasons were. I realize leaving them is extremely difficult, which is why I haven’t done it myself. I realized now I’m a codependent coward who doesn’t have the strength to leave .
But would like to know why others have decided to detach instead of leaving. Was it because of children or finances or other types of traps and keep you in prison and therefore need to use the detachment method? Just trying to understand.

I don’t get why he drinks. Says that it helps on his pain of life with me, yet when he drinks he immediately gets extremely emotional or angry or sad. He feels so bad he starts crying or gets angry and things go to shit. I don’t understand why he drinks when it makes them feel worse? It’s not like drinking makes him happy., so I don’t get it.

Been riding the endless cycle of hubby’s binge drinking for 7 years now. It’s HELL when he drinks- mean, angry and hyper emotional. My nervous system is wrecked and I wake up sweating and puking from anxiety of when he’ll drink again. He says alcohol isn’t the problem it’s just his only outlet to deal with his life’s disappointment (I’m the root of all his problems) . He has no money, no family, nowhere to go, nothing. I’m his security net so I think he stays bc of that. Anyway blah blah everybody here knows the hell of booze but yet every time I am an inch from leaving and moving out, I can’t seem to physically do it. 18 years of marriage and 24 years together, for some reason I feel paralyzed to leave. I know when I do, he will drink himself into oblivion and likely to die. I still worry about him. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I’m scared of the actual conflict of the leaving part. I fantasize about him leaving me or him getting put in jail for another DUI and me telling him it’s over -,walking away from the jail cell. I have all these scenarios in my head where he stuck somewhere else and I can walk away. I can’t seem to do it with the both of us at home. I feel like I need to justify why I’m going because he really doesn’t think it’s such a big deal. I want to understand and be OK with splitting up. Instead of me ruining his life and then walking away, leaving him destitute, and me being the nasty dragon once again. I know I shouldn’t care what he feels and I shouldn’t need permission to go in yet, I’m paralyzed. I wish I can get him to the point where he can see, yeah it’s really bad. I understand why she needs to leave. Does anyone else feel this way?

Been riding the endless cycle of hubby’s binge drinking for 7 years now. It’s HELL when he drinks- mean, angry and hyper emotional. My nervous system is wrecked and I wake up sweating and puking from anxiety of when he’ll drink again. He says alcohol isn’t the problem it’s just his only outlet to deal with his life’s disappointment (I’m the root of all his problems) . He has no money, no family, nowhere to go, nothing. I’m his security net so I think he stays bc of that. Anyway blah blah everybody here knows the hell of booze but yet every time I am an inch from leaving and moving out, I can’t seem to physically do it. 18 years of marriage and 24 years together, for some reason I feel paralyzed to leave. I know when I do, he will drink himself into oblivion and likely to die. I still worry about him. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I’m scared of the actual conflict of the leaving part. I fantasize about him leaving me or him getting put in jail for another DUI and me telling him it’s over -,walking away from the jail cell. I have all these scenarios in my head where he stuck somewhere else and I can walk away. I can’t seem to do it with the both of us at home. I feel like I need to justify why I’m going because he really doesn’t think it’s such a big deal. I want to understand and be OK with splitting up. Instead of me ruining his life and then walking away, leaving him destitute, and me being the nasty dragon once again. I know I shouldn’t care what he feels and I shouldn’t need permission to go in yet, I’m paralyzed. I wish I can get him to the point where he can see, yeah it’s really bad. I understand why she needs to leave. Does anyone else feel this way?