u/whimsicalhors

So I, 22F, recently lost my virginity a few weeks ago to this guy, 25M, I met. I just happen to meet him on a night out, and we were talking on ig for a bit and then had a date. I have very little experience with guys, that night i met him I actually only just had my first kiss in the club with some random guy. And before that I only really had one serious talking stage a few years ago where we would hang out. Other than that, I’ve had a few crushes but never really got anything out of it. I’m quite a slow burn which I know, it takes a while for me to develop a crush. Anyway, I lost my virginity to this guy on the first date we had, I kinda somewhat planned it a bit bc I knew he wasn’t really exactly what I was looking for in a relationship, and decided to just get it over and done with lose my virginity. I told him before we had sex that I was a virgin too, so he knows he was my first. Since then, we have been seeing each other usually on the weekend and we always have sex, and I’ve been enjoying it. But he kinda gets weird when I ask him to use a condom. I started bringing it up that we should use one, bc the first time I kinda forgot, but lately I’ve been considering it more especially bc I think we aren’t serious he’s definitely seeing other people. I went over last night after a night out with some work mates and was really drunk, but we had sex and when I brought it up he kinda just made it seem like I’m not gonna get pregnant bc I’m on period and we don’t need it. But I couldn’t really bring myself to stand up for myself and make him get one. I feel really mad at myself now for not standing up for myself more and just giving into it. I also thought that we could just hookup and I wasn’t gonna catch feelings bc I know he’s definitely not what I want in a relationship but I can’t help but feel like I’m getting a bit attached. When I woke up this morning, I turned him alarm off and saw his tinder and bumble notifications, and there was also this one girl who kept messaging him and calling him. When we finally got up abt 1:30pm, he was telling me he had work in an hour, which is totally bullshit bc he does night shifts. And I know he was just saying that so I would leave and he’s probably seeing that girl. But I know I shouldn’t be mad abt him seeing other people bc we aren’t serious but I can’t help but feel kinda shit for my self in a way. Idk, I just feel very weird after these experiences and I feel so inexperienced in this whole kinda thing with guys. What should I kinda do with myself now. Idk whether to keep hooking up with him bc I enjoy it and really like making out with him and stuff, but I feel get a weird feeling abt it sometimes and feel like I shouldn’t be doing this and worried abt how it might affected me mentally but maybe I’m overthinking it.