Hey Nia and Danny, there is a difference between alcoholism and unhealthy relationships with alcohol
I think people get caught up in seeing alcohol as an all or nothing issue, when the reality is much more nuanced.
There is a difference, although it's a very fine line, between being an alcoholic and having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
Not everyone who has a problematic relationship with drinking meets the clinical definition of alcoholism, but that doesn't mean their drinking isn't causing harm to themselves or the people around them.
Danny's relationship with alcohol is incredibly unhealthy as we all witnessed. Whether it's the frequency, the lack of control once he starts, the poor decisions he makes, the sexual assaults (yes, it was sexual assault by definition) or the impact it has on his relationships, there are clear signs that alcohol is not his friend.
You don't have to be physically dependent on alcohol for it to be negatively affecting your life.
The problem is that so many people reject this middle ground. They hear "your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy" and immediately respond with, "Well, I'm not an alcoholic." As if those are the only two categories that exist. It's an easy way to avoid taking ownership because if you don't identify as an addict, you can convince yourself there's nothing to address and no problems.
That's why I find Nia's defense of his behavior so frustrating. Instead of acknowledging that his drinking is clearly creating problems, she seems to dismiss concerns because he isn't an alcoholic. But that's missing the point entirely.
You don't have to wait until someone reaches rock bottom or develops an addiction before recognizing that their relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and needs to change, and waiting until it reaches that point helps no one.
Edit: this is coming from someone with a true alcoholic parent and can’t go a day without drinking and been hospitalized due to it, and I’ve watched a friend battle their alcoholicism due to a childhood tragic event and go to rehab over it, and personally quit drinking and have been in therapy for a few years because I was not an alcoholic but drank too much, too often (binge drinking) as a coping mechanism and felt like crap all the time. I’m not sober but I have maybe one drink a month as a treat rather than a vice to escape from a stressful week. I, too, denied I had a drinking problem in the thick of it but now I can fully admit it all.