u/winterinaugust7

I want to preface this by saying this is my first relationship and I don’t quite know the protocol (?) here if that makes sense.

Relevant background information is that me and bf met in high school and were good friends before we started dating and we have been dating for 4 years, 2.5 of which were long distance with us being on entirely different continents but it’s not long distance anymore.

The other thing is that, trust has never been an issue between us. I’ve always trusted him and honestly even now thinking about it, I still do trust him entirely. I do not think he cheated on me. That’s just what I feel though.

Here are the facts, he has a best friend and work? partner, let’s call her Monica (22F). They met in college and are good friends, they have recently started an event organisation gig together. About a month ago, me and him were out on a date when she called him and was asking him when he’s coming to meet her and when I asked him what that was about he said it was to meet and sort out some issues with the event they were organising. Since this gig is pretty important for him I told him he should go, and we could always have our date another day. He then said it wouldn’t be all business anyway since it was also her birthday so they’d probably have a couple drinks with some of her other friends but he said he’s not sure there’s no solid plan.

I took him at his word but then later realized thorough our date that it was definitely well planned, and had been for a while. He was showing me pictures she’d sent picking out her birthday dress and our date spot was super close to where he was supposed to meet her. Later they went drinking with a few of her friends and stayed out pretty late, everyone slept over at her place and he even took off work the next day. I was confused why he wouldn’t just tell me this was the plan since I wouldn’t have had a problem with it.

Now fast forward to a few days ago and it was his birthday, again me and him were out for lunch and he suddenly dropped the news that he’s going to meet with his old school friends for drinks and then Monica after that once again, to finalize stuff about an event. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about this since I had explicitly asked him if he had any other plans for his birthday two days before. He said neither of them were for his birthday and that his old friend group didn’t even know it was his birthday. I said they must know it’s his birthday since one of his old friends (let’s call her Anne) who he had a massive crush on in school always wishes him, I was sure she would’ve told the others. He said he didn’t think she knew and also that she mostly wouldn’t even be there and it would be mostly guys.

Come the night and Anne was at this event and they all knew it was birthday (obviously) and him and Monica ended up going clubbing that night which is fine of course but not business as he’d insisted.

Now I don’t think he’s cheating on me, and with two different women at that. I just don’t get why he’s lying to me, maybe he’s worried about me getting jealous?

How do I confront him about this? I thought of asking to look at his phone and checking when those birthday plans were made and whether Anne wished him so then I could ask him why he lied to me. I don’t know if this is an okay thing to ask or if it’s considered being controlling. Or is it better if I just ask him point blank if he’s been lying to me about these things and then if he says no do I just, take his word for it? Or ask to look at his phone.

I’m just so lost on how to approach this because I don’t get why he’s acting like this in the first place