u/wondering4xrapunzel

This is the link to the WhatsApp group! I will also be making an Instagram account soon as well.

We just need three more members to meet the quota, so please consider joining!

https://chat.whatsapp.com/DqCsH5mWfWQFqx1acrUvDi?s=cl&p=i&mlu=4&ilr=4

Not long ago when I was in high school, I overheard this conversation in a group consisting of a few guys and some girls. One of the guys was talking about being on the bus one time and offering a pregnant woman his seat, and she accepted. He said that when he told one of his other classmates (not a part of the group) about the interaction, he said that he got called a pushover. He told the group, “I wasn’t trying to be a pushover, I was trying to be a good person.” One of the girls in the group immediately responded with (while kind of ignoring the guy at the same time) “That’s not being a good person, that’s just not being a horrible person” in this weirdly contemptuous/derisive tone? It was just odd to hear and definitely felt like a strange response to someone sharing something good that they did.

I know that this might not be the best example of a man being snubbed by a woman, but it’s definitely not the first time I’ve seen this kind of thing happen. The bigger reason why this kind of attitude towards men’s efforts comes across as toxic is because it kind of reinforces the notion that men have to work harder to be seen as good or that they have to be of service to women to be seen as good. In other words, it tends to disregard the man’s thought process of “how can I help?” in favor of centering women as inherently more deserving of assistance or better treatment, and that helping them should just be an expectation rather than the ideal (that should come with helping all members of society when necessary no matter their demographic).

Any thoughts?

Saw a comment on a post from a self-proclaimed “female supremacy” subreddit saying “99% of bad women are bad because they have trauma caused by men”. I can’t seem to include a picture because my last post containing it was removed automatically. Anyhow, here’s why I think that it (and the rhetoric it consists of) makes no sense as well as why this kind of thinking isn’t helpful.

Firstly, this isn’t exactly true. A whopping 99% of the “bad women” in the world aren’t the way that they are simply because they were mistreated by men. Why label men as abusers of women who commit wrongdoing when there are plenty of stories from women who’ve been abused by women? Trauma isn’t gendered.

Secondly, even in instances where a woman was abused by a man, since when did that become an excuse for that woman’s bad behavior? And if they’re not using that woman’s issues as an excuse, they’re using it as a catalyst for the woman’s bad behavior that actually exists completely independently of whatever the man in that scenario did. He didn’t MAKE her do whatever bad things she did. 

Thirdly, it focuses solely on a “bad woman’s” potential position as a “victim” and forgets to consider the woman’s character at hand (which is that she’s a bad person), instead choosing to shift the blame on “men” as a group. If we’re really going to go down this rabbit hole of “who’s responsible for whose trauma?” then who’s to say that the “men” in that scenario also haven’t been treated badly by anyone? It’s not like people make excuses for them, nor do they recognize the possibility that men could be victims and not just the aggressors.

People who say this kind of stuff are just obsessed with making women look as vulnerable and disadvantaged and misunderstood as possible no matter the evidence to the contrary, while still managing to override anything that could explain the reasons for men’s actions.

Thoughts?

At the risk of being Captain Obvious, peruse the “Setting Up CUNY Login MFA” article on support.qc.cuny.edu. It was where I found out I was supposed go download the Microsoft Authenticator App. Silly me. I just wanted to post this in case anyone else had any issues.

Are we allowed to post links here?

Edit - Here is the link:
https://support.qc.cuny.edu/support/solutions/articles/15000100852-Setting-Up-CUNY-Login-MFA

Edit #2 - Guys, if the “OK” button isn’t appearing on the “Login Failed” page when you enter your CUNY login credentials, just refresh the page. I had this issue like a dozen times lol

By “men’s issues”, I mean institutional drawbacks that men face solely because of their gender and not the media’s peculiar obsession with “the male loneliness epidemic”.

It looks like people are just genuinely completely unaware of the existence of systemic misandry, and that when we’re talking about the way men are handled in society, said people interpret that as “oh, you mean how WOMEN treat you? Maybe be respectful, maybe try not to be creepy, maybe be a better man” when some of what we actually mean is, oh, I don’t know…

What comes with not registering for selective service
The fact that the majority of physical violence/murder victims consist of men
The fact that most work-related fatalities and injuries consist of men
The fact that the majority of homeless people are men
Do I need to say anything about men in war and about how soldiers are treated after war?
Forced circumcision
Paternity testing stuff
The legal definition of SA
The way boys are treated in school (like the caning law thing in Singapore for instance)

Now, tell me, what exactly does any of that have to do with being nice to women?

See, the reason as to why people automatically jump to “men’s mental health” when we say “men’s rights” in a general sense is because the “men’s mental health” narrative has been pushed on them by the media, while the more tangible issues that have plagued the lives of men globally have not. Moreover, the “men’s mental health” is something that has been used as a talking point by both feminists and men who are brainwashed into feeling perpetually guilty because of their gender, and is a more popular topic of discussion - because it’s “not systemic” (also not true) in the way people seem to think misogyny always is, or is a “result of the patriarchy/toxic masculinity”. 

Might I also add that this belief that the “men are upset over being rejected by women and absolutely nothing else” agenda is problematic because it keeps placing women at the center of everything, maintains the notion that women are justified in treating men that (as a group) haven’t done anything to them poorly, and communicates a complete lack of understanding regarding issues men deal with that, spoiler alert, extend WAYYYYYYYYYYY beyond things like dating or mental health issues.

This isn’t me saying that mental health as an issue isn’t important. It is. But to use it as a barrier for the resolution of other and more imminently/grandeurously dangerous problems is wrong and it’s definitely part of the reason why men’s rights activism isn’t taken as seriously as it should be.

I know someone posted a video on this topic pretty recently on this sub already, but it feels kinda important to discuss further seeing as it’s one of the main issues with feminism/society’s perception of women as opposed to men.

There are definitely a good amount of women who have gotten pretty lucky in life in comparison to the average person (born in a first-world country, quite wealthy, good education, studied abroad, dream career) yet for some reason still hold this belief that they’re disadvantaged because they’re women. And not only do they claim to be disadvantaged because they’re women, the things that they claim are disadvantages are actually more so just byproducts of their privilege. 

These privileged women that I’m talking about are definitely considerably more privileged than the average man in society, yet cite their gender as a reason as to why they believe they aren’t as privileged as they truly are and then claim to state that men on average/as a group are more privileged than they, privileged women, are. Except they really aren’t, because it’s not like the average man is always born in a first-world country to a wealthy family or gets the best education or gets to chase their dream job.

It really seems to all come down to them just not being fully aware of/brushing aside their privilege in favor of assuming an identity as a “victim” (weirdly in contexts when their wellbeing or safety isn’t being threatened in any way whatsoever) solely because of the fact that they’re women i.e claiming “people say stuff like this to me because I’m a woman” or “I’m a woman, so people are treating me like this” when it’s not about them personally at all.

They’ve been treated like they’re special and perfect and entitled to everything their entire lives while simultaneously having been treated like they will be persecuted in every way interpretable simply for being women by men.

I’m sure there’s not enough that I’ve said in this post that captures the reason behind this really strange phenomenon so please feel free to add.

(Edited for a typo)