u/xXjgress13Xx

I feel like most millennials can probably relate, but I'm realizing that my thoughts and my actions really don't represent me. I struggled for a very long time on how to "meditate correctly". For me, I've found writing to be very meditative. I've tried writing letters to my past self and my future self. They definitely have their place in my journey <3. However, I realized no amount of writing to my past or future self is going to help me get 'unstuck' from the current feelings/situations.

Instead of trying to force myself into the present, try and sort through all the thoughts and feelings, I decided to embrace it. I was having a full blown meltdown trying to understand what it is that I'm meant to be doing/how I can accomplish my purpose. Thankfully, mindfulness has helped me be able to clock when I'm starting to spiral into these unhelpful and unproductive thought loops. So I took a step back, asked myself 'What's the problem?'

My brain was telling me "The problem is you don't know what to do or how to go about it." The problem felt much deeper than not knowing what to do about a hypothetical question. So I just embraced the suck for a little bit and it just hit me out of nowhere. "The problem isn't I don't know what to do next or how to go about it, the problem is I'm scared. When I was a kid, my dad taught me that always being busy was the key to staying safe. Always be alert, always know what could happen and how you'd respond."

Writing a letter to past or future me just didn't have that effect for me like it seemingly does for so many. I took some time to try and understand why writing a letter to your past/future self was so helpful for so many. It was a way for them to validate their feelings/fears that they are holding onto and releasing them. I believe the reason it didn't ever have that effect for me is because I was trying to write 'current me -> past/future me'. But 'current me' isn't the one who is responding. Current me isn't the person who is terrified. Current me does in fact feel safe, but that kid in me still feels very unsafe, uncertain, and lost.

Instead of trying to write to my past self, I let that terrified kid in me come out and write a letter to the current me. The current me is a safe person. I know this and I feel this with every fiber of my being. Sometimes my brain/OCD wants me to think otherwise, but I know even if I unintentionally hurt someone, it's just that. Unintentional. I would never go out of my way to try and actually cause anybody any kind of harm.

It wasn't easy, but I finally let that kid in me start expressing those fears. Expressing those thing I never was allowed to as a kid. I don't even have to do anything with it. I don't have to 'fix' anything because it's already happened. I'm just letting that 'past me' heal a bit by finally letting them say all those things they were too scared to say before because they never felt safe.

Don't question it, just start writing. Don't analyze during. You might have 30 different thoughts going on and you don't actually complete a single one. That's okay <3. You don't have to, you're just giving that inner child in you the ability to finally let it all out. Most of the time children don't make much sense anyway when they are upset. They don't even know why they are upset 1/2 the time. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW. JUST LET IT OUT.

Through this practice, I've started to learn that the adult me has spent their life trying to be everything little me needed then. Almost as a way to 'fix' it or make sure it doesn't happen again. But I'm not surviving anymore. I'm living. And I'm allowed to. I don't need to keep my survival methods up anymore. I'm able to breathe. I'm able to be human and make mistakes. I'm able to let that inner child cry and be irrational when they need to. I'm accepting that what once was, no longer has to be and it's so liberating.

I've been on my mindfulness journey for a little while now and I've felt a bit 'stuck' lately. I've started accepting that the way I traverse through the world is just that. My way of doing it. Hopefully this reaches someone who is feeling 'stuck'. Even if this specifically doesn't help, I hope it helps you find the path that does work for you <3

I feel like most millennials can probably relate, but I'm realizing that my thoughts and my actions really don't represent me. I've found writing to be very meditative for me. In the past, I've tried writing letters to my past self and my future self. They definitely have their place in my journey <3. However, I realized no amount of writing to my past or future self is going to help me get 'unstuck' from the current feelings/situations.

Instead of trying to force myself into the present, try and sort through all the thoughts and feelings, I decided to embrace it. I was having a full blown meltdown trying to understand what it is that I'm meant to be doing/how I can accomplish my purpose. Thankfully, mindfulness has helped me be able to clock when I'm starting to spiral into these unhelpful and unproductive thought loops. So I took a step back, asked myself 'What's the problem?'

My brain was telling me "The problem is you don't know what to do or how to go about it." The problem felt much deeper than not knowing what to do about a hypothetical question. So I just embraced the suck for a little bit and it just hit me out of nowhere. "The problem isn't I don't know what to do next or how to go about it, the problem is I'm scared. When I was a kid, my dad taught me that always being busy was the key to staying safe. Always be alert, always know what could happen and how you'd respond."

Writing a letter to past or future me just didn't have that effect for me like it seemingly does for so many. I took some time to try and understand why writing a letter to your past/future self was so helpful for so many. It was a way for them to validate their feelings/fears that they are holding onto and releasing them. I believe the reason it didn't ever have that effect for me is because I was trying to write 'current me -> past/future me'. But 'current me' isn't the one who is responding. Current me isn't the person who is terrified. Current me does in fact feel safe, but that kid in me still feels very unsafe, uncertain, and lost.

Instead of trying to write to my past self, I let that terrified kid in me come out and write a letter to the current me. The current me is a safe person. I know this and I feel this with every fiber of my being. Sometimes my brain/OCD wants me to think otherwise, but I know even if I unintentionally hurt someone, it's just that. Unintentional. I would never go out of my way to try and actually cause anybody any kind of harm.

It wasn't easy, but I finally let that kid in me start expressing those fears. Expressing those thing I never was allowed to as a kid. I don't even have to do anything with it. I don't have to 'fix' anything because it's already happened. I'm just letting that 'past me' heal a bit by finally letting them say all those things they were too scared to say before because they never felt safe.

Don't question it, just start writing. Don't analyze during. You might have 30 different thoughts going on and you don't actually complete a single one. That's okay <3. You don't have to, you're just giving that inner child in you the ability to finally let it all out. Most of the time children don't make much sense anyway when they are upset. They don't even know why they are upset 1/2 the time. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW. JUST LET IT OUT.

Through this practice, I've started to learn that the adult me has spent their life trying to be everything little me needed then. Almost as a way to 'fix' it or make sure it doesn't happen again. But I'm not surviving anymore. I'm living. And I'm allowed to. I don't need to keep my survival methods up anymore. I'm able to breathe. I'm able to be human and make mistakes. I'm able to let that inner child cry and be irrational when they need to. I'm accepting that what once was, no longer has to be and it's so liberating.

Today I woke up and things just felt 'right'. I felt more like the me I know and remember. A version of myself that I thought died a long time ago.

I had therapy this morning and it was just one good thing after another. Had a really great session, which we LOVE. But once I got home, I found my mind really going into overdrive.

"What was that feeling?" "What does it mean?" "Why am I feeling it now all of the sudden?" "What does that mean?" "Is something bad going to happen? Something bad IS going to happen. But what is it going to be?"

Instead of continuing down that very unhelpful path of questioning, I was able to recognize that while I was searching for that feeling I had all morning long, I ended up feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I did have a bit of an anxiety attack, but what would've normally lasted hours, lasted MINUTES. I didn't get stuck in the cycle!

I suppose I'm writing this because I really had given up all hope for myself every finding any kind of happiness to any extent in my life. But today, after MONTHS of working on mindfulness, I finally had that first moment where I realized IN THE MOMENT 'Searching for that feeling from this morning isn't helpful. I was so happy this morning, but trying to duplicate it now, I'm just reverting back to how I was yesterday. I didn't go searching for it this morning, it just happened and I let it. The best shot of feeling that way again is to stop searching for it.' It sounds so simple, but I assure you it's not. That feeling didn't come rushing back, but the negative feelings DID stop immediately. I'm left with the uncertainty (which my OCD does NOT like) but I'm not left with those negative feelings. It literally felt like someone flipped a light switch in my brain today and I suddenly developed the capacity for hope again. Seeing that spark of hope again this morning, albeit brief, was still more than I ever could've hoped for. Feeling HOPEFUL again <3.

Give yourself a little bit of compassion. Doesn't have to be a lot, but little-by-little it does start making a difference! Even if you don't have any hope, you can borrow some of mine! It's newly found so we can figure this hope thing out together <3

I've got some pretty severe OCD (to the point I see a therapist specialized in treating OCD 2x a week). Meditation has been MASSIVE in helping me not only understand my OCD, but to also not engage with the compulsions so much.

Last night was some of the most uncomfortable meditation I've ever done, but almost possibly the most transformative. I had broke a picture frame of my nieces/nephews on accident. My OCD brain immediately started firing off thoughts like "What if you hurt them? How severely would it be? What effects would it have on them? Short-term & long-term."

I managed to get myself to bed, and then I knew it was my OCD trying to make me believe these thoughts to be true, so instead of engaging with my OCD, I tried to meditate on the value my OCD was seemingly attacking. Physical safety.

I'll do my best to explain it in words. I go to this place in my mind (I don't really "imagine it", it just feels like it's "own place" that I can't necessarily physically go to, but I can go there in my mind. I'm in the middle of a vast ocean, it's dark, I'm on a small boat, and I'm in the eye of a hurricane. Once I finally figured out the value my OCD was attacking (feeling physically safe), I felt like I was getting pulled into the hurricane trying to protect this orb of light. The orb of light was my value, and the hurricane (the OCD thoughts) were attacking it relentlessly. And I felt like I fighting and fighting and FIGHTING to keep my value "safe" and "clean" or "pure". And it got to a point where it became so overwhelming.

I felt like I could no longer keep fighting off all these untrue and intrusive/obsessive thoughts. So I just apologized to myself and got this feeling of accepting that my light is, and will always be lit for me. Trying to keep it "clean" or "pure" wasn't for me, it was my EGO. Needing to "present" a specific way. In that moment, I felt this relief of not having to fight for my path. My path is always lit. But when I'm spending all my effort trying to keep my path lit for someone else, I'm stopping. I'm no longer moving through the hurricane. I'm getting stuck in it. And I'm not helping anybody. Once I got that feeling of "letting go" of that need to keep my value "pure" for everybody and not just me, it felt like the orb of light was now protecting me from the hurricane (OCD thoughts). And I was able to just sit there, and watch this light take me through the hurricane while it was keeping me safe. The obsessive thoughts, the urge to complete the compulsions, to REALLY engage with the thoughts and search for certainty was still very much there. But instead of me having to fight them off one-by-one, it felt like my value was fighting them off for me and I was just able to appreciate that this value, this orb of light is MINE. It's me and it's protecting ME when I can't consciously keep doing it for myself. It's like it almost gave me permission to not worry about it anymore because I know now, that even if it comes again, that value will protect me and I don't have to protect it. It is me, and I am it. They aren't separate things.

I was very much distressed before, but after meditating for about 8 hours (10pm-6am) I was able to find some kind of peace with it and then I got the most solid like 3 hours of sleep of my life. I don't know if anybody else with OCD meditates, but if you're able to meditate on the specific value your OCD is attacking, it can be freeing (at least it was for me)! Have a great day, everybody <3

I've got some pretty severe OCD (to the point I see a therapist specialized in treating OCD 2x a week). Meditation has been MASSIVE in helping me not only understand my OCD, but to also not engage with the compulsions so much.

Last night was some of the most uncomfortable meditation I've ever done, but almost possibly the most transformative. I had broke a picture frame of my nieces/nephews on accident. My OCD brain immediately started firing off thoughts like "What if you hurt them? How severely would it be? What effects would it have on them? Short-term & long-term."

I managed to get myself to bed, and then I knew it was my OCD trying to make me believe these thoughts to be true, so instead of engaging with my OCD, I tried to meditate on the value my OCD was seemingly attacking. Physical safety.

I'll do my best to explain it in words. I go to this place in my mind (I don't really "imagine it", it just feels like it's "own place" that I can't necessarily physically go to, but I can go there in my mind. I'm in the middle of a vast ocean, it's dark, I'm on a small boat, and I'm in the eye of a hurricane. Once I finally figured out the value my OCD was attacking (feeling physically safe), I felt like I was getting pulled into the hurricane trying to protect this orb of light. The orb of light was my value, and the hurricane (the OCD thoughts) were attacking it relentlessly. And I felt like I fighting and fighting and FIGHTING to keep my value "safe" and "clean" or "pure". And it got to a point where it became so overwhelming.

I felt like I could no longer keep fighting off all these untrue and intrusive/obsessive thoughts. So I just apologized to myself and got this feeling of accepting that my light is, and will always be lit for me. Trying to keep it "clean" or "pure" wasn't for me, it was my EGO. Needing to "present" a specific way. In that moment, I felt this relief of not having to fight for my path. My path is always lit. But when I'm spending all my effort trying to keep my path lit for someone else, I'm stopping. I'm no longer moving through the hurricane. I'm getting stuck in it. And I'm not helping anybody. Once I got that feeling of "letting go" of that need to keep my value "pure" for everybody and not just me, it felt like the orb of light was now protecting me from the hurricane (OCD thoughts). And I was able to just sit there, and watch this light take me through the hurricane while it was keeping me safe. The obsessive thoughts, the urge to complete the compulsions, to REALLY engage with the thoughts and search for certainty was still very much there. But instead of me having to fight them off one-by-one, it felt like my value was fighting them off for me and I was just able to appreciate that this value, this orb of light is MINE. It's me and it's protecting ME when I can't consciously keep doing it for myself. It's like it almost gave me permission to not worry about it anymore because I know now, that even if it comes again, that value will protect me and I don't have to protect it. It is me, and I am it. They aren't separate things.

I was very much distressed before, but after meditating for about 8 hours (10pm-6am) I was able to find some kind of peace with it and then I got the most solid like 3 hours of sleep of my life. I don't know if anybody else with OCD meditates, but if you're able to meditate on the specific value your OCD is attacking, it can be freeing (at least it was for me)! Have a great day, everybody <3