Jeg jakter på norske ord eller konsepter som tilsvarer "Parochial altruism" og/eller "Parochial empathy"
(De betegner begrep som omtaler antropologiske fenomener hvor mennesker kan vise godvilje mot de som er "en av oss", og samtidig vise uvilje eller likegyldighet mot "de andre.")
I finally decided to investigate that which has plagued me for a long time, and all I find is more questions. I've walked right into a trap, because I cannot unsee what I found. Initially I set out to fix my faith, but somehow I ended up weakening it even more.
I go to the authorities in church, but they just smile and give me superficial platitudes, not answering my questions. "It's not God, it's not scripture, it's not the church, it's you. You have stumbled and must repent and pray for forgiveness".
I feel like I'm i a play, and whoever breaks character looses. "We must all just act confident and pretend to believe the message"
So now I'm sinful for finding inconsistencies in my faith. I'm required to look away from intentionally twisted interpretations, double standards, misquotes and explicit lies about history. The price for salvation is the virtue of ignorance.
A few months go by, but I cannot shake the unsettling feeling. I pray and beg for understanding and answers, but God ghosts me, as he does. I feel shameful for asking the forbidden questions, but now I'm wondering if this is the very reason they are forbidden.
Why did God create us with the ability to think logically, then tell us it is sinful do so?
Hesitantly I type my question into google search. The echo from tapping the enter key fills the room. Somehow I realise this sound marks the beginning of a wild ride of no return.
The query takes me to thriving communities where these very questions, and hundreds more, are being discussed and analysed. Scholars and critical thinkers point to actual facts, theories, concepts, historical debates and well-known fallacies in our faith, many of which I've never even heard of.
I feel shocked by learning that many educated preachers are fully aware of these problems, but opt to only speak of them with educated colleagues. It's the secret of the trade. Imagine if John MacArthur declared one Sunday morning that Paul didn't write all the Paulene epistles or that Exodus never happened or that some ancient songs to Ba'al are identical to psalms in scripture, only with the name replaced? What do you think would happen?
Suddenly I feel like a jack-ass. How could I believe all this for so long? What about my parents and grandparents? Their whole lives revolved around Jesus. Church had us avoid and fear knowledge for decades. They've vaccinated us against thinking. They know very well what will happen if church members spent a few minutes investigating. In stead they made critical thinking sinful. They present academic studies as antichristian. "Scholars are atheists, disguised as learned people, hell bent on dismantling religion".
At this point I know my faith is lost for ever. I cannot go back to make-believe. Friends tell me to find a more relaxed and progressive church. What good does that do, if I know the whole religion is built on ideas from other mythologies? I'd be going just for the community, just to feel good, pretending to hold on to something fundamentally false? Is that intellectual honesty?
I can't live like that.
Learning about scripture from an academic perspective is a great way to approach non-apologetic knowlege on the history of the Bible.
Lectures from Yale University: Yale Online Digital Education, also known as Yale Courses
1. Introduction to the Old Testament (Hebrew Bible) (RLST 145) with Christine Hayes. This lecture provides an introduction to the literature of the Hebrew Bible and its structure and contents.
2. Introduction to New Testament (RLST 152). This course approaches the New Testament not as scripture, or a piece of authoritative holy writing, but as a collection of historical documents.