Need ALL The Support & Advice I Can Get
Posted this in another Poly subreddit but they don’t allow reposts so I’m copy/pasting of what I typed.
Hello! First time caller. Me (33F) has been in a Poly
Vee dynamic for almost 4yrs with my primary (42F) &
Meta (45F). We are long distance & don’t live altogether yet. I’m in Sacramento & they are in San Jose (2.5hrs away & yes we take turns commuting to one another, even for Hinge Dates or a Family dates with the kiddo)
I’m gonna fast forward to a recent conversation that happened a few weeks ago with my primary. I’m HUGE on communication with everything but trying to get all 3 of us to talk about things has either just been exhausting or very one-sided. I would ask her “Hey when’s *daughter’s name* next game?” Or “when’s her next dance recital?” or “I know her birthday is on this day, lemme know if yalla re having her party on a different date for her so I can make accommodations of coming out!” I’ve only been to her 10th Birthday Party & her Ballet recital last year. Nothing else. Everything else was a family thing we all did (like a concert or a dinner thing or on my 32nd birthday dinner we all did & the rest I did with my primary). When I ask either our hinge or the metal (we do get along btw & we became best friends), I either get nothing for days or a vague answer from my partner saying “She take care of that stuff” or a “I don’t know” from him, which bothers me a lot & he’s aware of how this makes me feel. I’m neurodivergent af so I like NEED details & not vague answers; plus imma big over thinker. Now I never get an answer until the day after or weeks after. I missed her dance recital this year & her volleyball games this year (I didn’t even get to go to her final playoff game). He first tells me that it’s not up to him & he cant make the decisions on those things & then to RECENTLY telling me “Have you ever thought that maybe *daughters name* doesn’t know how to make these choices & still figuring out how she’s feels?” First off, she’s almost 12. I’m not saying forcing her to let me support her but when we first got together, he wanted to me to get involved into her life & I have been wanting to since we’ve been together…now I have to constantly “prove myself” to their daughter & their meta that I can be fully in graved into their lives when it’s almost been 4yrs…. I will be honest; I am exhausted as I have been feeling like I need to prove myself to people for pretty much all my life. No matter what I do, it’s not enough.
I’m in this relationship bc I REALLY want it to work but I don’t wanna have to keep doing this for a possible another 4yrs. Should I just keep trying? Or should I just eventually just leave the Poly Vee? I REALLY need a lot of help here & I honestly don’t know what to do. I still wanna be close to the meta (mainly for her bc I absolutely love her) & I already know it’s gonna hurt the daughter of why I’m not around anymore but I’m just…tired. Pleas & thank you