u/xxAcetylxx

This is embarrassing, but I can't figure out how to ride dick! I don't think I'm unfit. It's not that I'm tiring out, which seems to be the most common struggle, but rather that whatever I'm doing feels like absolutely nothing for both me and my partner. This is not about it only feeling good for me or him, it straight up feels like nothing for both of us.

If I put myself into a squat position (knees up, feet by his hips) I feel like I can't really move up-down or back-forth without leaning far back and resting my hands on his legs or something, which makes me feel ugly and anyway doesn't help make anything feel good. If my knees are down, I can bounce up-down but for some reason it just doesn't feel like anything for either of us? I've been told that scooting back-forth is supposed to feel good for me, but it also feels like nothing and feels harder to do if my hands are anywhere on him (I haven't tried using the headboard for support recently). Sometimes I've felt like whatever I'm doing is making the entire bed bounce while keeping us stuck together, which doesn't give the necessary friction to make things feel good? This is not a problem I've seen anyone else describe 😭

I've had these issues with multiple partners (different sizes, different levels of bed/couch firmness, etc) that I've had otherwise stellar sex with, so I know it's something I'm doing wrong. The most success I've had was on a firm couch, with my knees down and hands anchored to the back of the couch. I at least got to a point where my stamina became the blocker, but even then, I think it felt just okay for him and he was humoring me because I've had so much trouble with it. I've done it a few times successfully(ish) over the years but I just feel like this is rocket science for me and I'm really in my head when doing it, so even on the off-chance I get the mechanics down, I'm too focused to enjoy it.

I also get anxious because even when my partner (in the past with others too) is offering me to play around for a while and figure out what feels good, I feel stupid and useless after a minute and just ask him to fuck me upwards (still in cowgirl but he thrusts up). So I'd love advice on both what I could be physically wrong, as well as how I can let myself trust that he's okay with me sitting on it and doing some bullshit while I learn :') It's become a self-perpetuating problem because I don't feel sexy while trying to make it work (he's probably awkwardly waiting to feel something lol) so I don't feel motivated to learn.

hey ladies! I've been going to a climbing gym for a little less than two years (I live in seattle which is very climbing-forward, so the issue is not lack of population) and while I do go mainly to get a workout in, I want to actively connect with more people there too and I'm struggling to figure out what I'm doing wrong. In general, I want to both make longer-term friends and meet folks interested in dating out in the wild :~)

I think my struggle is I can't identify who wants to be talked to and who doesn't. I myself have headphones in most of the time, which I've identified as a potential reason I don't get approached... but also most people are in groups and I'm not sure how to approach them. I'll sometimes have a very short convo with someone about a climbing route but then it feels very... awkward for me to keep talking to them? I'm afraid of imposing (at the same time, I'm sure there are a lot of shy people who aren't opposed to me continuing to talk with them, they just don't know what to say).

I'm good at keeping the conversation going if I know there is a baseline interest (like we're already on a date, so I know they signed up to talk, or they approached me at a party where you're supposed to talk to people) but I feel like if I go up to someone and say one thing, if they just respond and don't continue then I feel like I'm bothering them. Am I giving up too fast on individual people? Do I just need to keep saying hi to folks until someone seems clearly interested in talking for longer?

As for people I did talk with but then nothing happened-- I had a casual friend who'd go to that gym (knew him before I started climbing), and he was really popular so I'd tag along with him and chat with whoever he talked to. I met some folks through him but I feel like none of these moved past hi-hellos. Even the original friend, we hung out outside of climbing a couple of times but I felt like we didn't connect well enough to keep it going regularly, so it fell off. I feel like, unless the person I'm talking to has a very clear shared interest with me, I don't know how to justify asking them to hang out outside of the gym?

So in general, I'm probably doing something wrong both in 1) making an impression on people and 2) converting from regular hi/hello to something more meaningful. Would appreciate advice for both the gym specifically, as well as just other third places / activity spaces, because I do really want to get better at meeting people organically.