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I(F27) started talking to a guy(28) I went to high school with around the end of April. He pursued me first and was very consistent from the beginning. He asked to hang out almost immediately, planned multiple hangouts the first week, paid for everything, texted me goodmorning/goodnight everyday, complimented me a lot, etc. We kissed/made out a few times over the course of us talking, but we never slept together and he never pressured me to.

The issue is that after that first week, the dynamic slowly changed. The texting became more spaced out (2-6 hour reply gaps), he stopped really flirting over text, stopped planning ahead, and a lot of things became “we should do that sometime” without actual follow through. He still consistently texted me everyday, but the connection started feeling emotionally stagnant to me. Like we were just talking to talk. Plus people always say, “When a guy likes you, you won’t be confused, but if you are, he doesn’t.”

At the same time, I started realizing there were real incompatibilities for me personally. He has a child(6) and is in daily contact with his child’s mother (which I understand is normal), who he was with for six years (apparently she did something behind his back and they ended it). But I realized I don’t think I’m emotionally built for that type of dynamic long term. He also still interacts with her business/social media occasionally even though he doesn’t follow her accounts, and while that may not mean anything serious, it still bothered me more than I wanted it to. Then recently this week he watched my story and didn’t reply to my texts.(petty to be bothered by it I know but it did hit a little nerve)

I also noticed that I became way more emotionally attached to the texting/routine than I wanted to be. I’d feel relief when he texted back, anxiety when communication shifted, and I started overanalyzing everything even though logically I wasn’t sure I even wanted a future with him. I have anxious attachment tendencies, but I never acted out on him (never double texted, asked for reassurance, or anything) because I’m pretty good at self regulation. Internally though, I was definitely spiraling more than I should’ve been for a connection that hadn’t even reached a month yet.

So yesterday I stopped replying because I realized the situation was no longer bringing me peace just confusion. But now I feel guilty because he technically didn’t do anything horrible to me. One of the main reasons why I decided to stop replying was because he didn’t seem like the type to talk about emotions or anything because our conversations were always surface level and I felt that explaining myself would’ve done nothing either. So I figured if I stop replying , he probably wouldn’t care much anyway. I just felt like the connection wasn’t progressing, my anxiety would flare, and I didn’t want to get more attached to something I already felt wasn’t aligned for me long term.

Would y’all consider this self sabotage/anxiety getting the best of me?

I(F27) started talking to a guy(28) I went to high school with around the end of April. He pursued me first and was very consistent from the beginning. He asked to hang out almost immediately, planned multiple hangouts the first week, paid for everything, texted me goodmorning/goodnight everyday, complimented me a lot, etc. We kissed/made out a few times over the course of us talking, but we never slept together and he never pressured me to.

The issue is that after that first week, the dynamic slowly changed. The texting became more spaced out (2-6 hour reply gaps), he stopped really flirting over text, stopped planning ahead, and a lot of things became “we should do that sometime” without actual follow through. He still consistently texted me everyday, but the connection started feeling emotionally stagnant to me. Like we were just talking to talk. Plus people always say, “When a guy likes you, you won’t be confused, but if you are, he doesn’t.”

At the same time, I started realizing there were real incompatibilities for me personally. He has a child(6) and is in daily contact with his child’s mother (which I understand is normal), who he was with for six years (apparently she did something behind his back and they ended it). But I realized I don’t think I’m emotionally built for that type of dynamic long term. He also still interacts with her business/social media occasionally even though he doesn’t follow her accounts, and while that may not mean anything serious, it still bothered me more than I wanted it to. Then recently this week he watched my story and didn’t reply to my texts.(petty to be bothered by it I know but it did hit a little nerve)

I also noticed that I became way more emotionally attached to the texting/routine than I wanted to be. I’d feel relief when he texted back, anxiety when communication shifted, and I started overanalyzing everything even though logically I wasn’t sure I even wanted a future with him. I have anxious attachment tendencies, but I never acted out on him (never double texted, asked for reassurance, or anything) because I’m pretty good at self regulation. Internally though, I was definitely spiraling more than I should’ve been for a connection that hadn’t even reached a month yet.

So yesterday I stopped replying because I realized the situation was no longer bringing me peace just confusion. But now I feel guilty because he technically didn’t do anything horrible to me. One of the main reasons why I decided to stop replying was because he didn’t seem like the type to talk about emotions or anything because our conversations were always surface level and I felt that explaining myself would’ve done nothing either. So I figured if I stop replying , he probably wouldn’t care much anyway. I just felt like the connection wasn’t progressing, my anxiety would flare, and I didn’t want to get more attached to something I already felt wasn’t aligned for me long term.

Would y’all consider this self sabotage/anxiety getting the best of me?