u/ydaffodil

has anyone dealt with their spouse that has a problem of constantly lying and hiding things from you to the point where you cant trust them at all anymore?

my husband has cheated on me, emotionally and physically throughout our marriage of about to be 9 years. i always forgave him every time, but the trust is no longer there. it has been mentally draining. not sure why he STILL does this but i bring up something he did, he denies it. i question it yet still denies it until i show evidence then he fesses up. but without remorse. more of just mad that i always keep catching him and putting him on the spot.

im not sure but i think my husband isn’t emotionally intelligent either or an avoidant? he can watch me cry and begging him to stop the lying with a straight unemotional face and ask me “what do you want me to do about it?”. he apologizes like its forced to get me to shut up about his actions are affecting me. accountability where??? its as if he doesn’t care or want to stop doing the things that hurts me as his wife. sometimes it feels as though he likes seeing me yearning for him, feeling insecure and crying over him. he makes me so confused that he’ll do things like this then tell me he loves me, be affectionate by hugging or kissing my forehead, treats me kindly and buys me random expensive things to try to make me forget what he did. just to do it all over again and again and again.

i asked for a divorce many times because why stay and still be with me? he doesnt respect me and me staying says i don’t respect myself. he can lust over other women and watch porn single without me. i can’t even be intimate with him because i know he’s just fantasizing other women or fetishes and using me as his pleasure hole. yet, he says divorce isnt an option unless either me or he dies.

other things: he doesn’t want to do marriage counseling because he cant and wont take accountability for his actions.

background: late 30s, sahm and i do all the house chores all while taking care of my daughter. my husband 100% provides paying bills, groceries.

husband asked me to bake him a cake hes been craving before he left to work. i planned out the day in my head and figured yea, yea i got time. i had time to bake in between laundry and watching our daughter. i still had to make dinner by the time he gets home. im completely exhausted but at least the cake turned out deliciously great. had a bite, for my first time baking it — very nice, great success.

made one of his favorite meals for dinner, just the way he liked it. now for the cake, his reaction to tasting it was idk mediocre? he wasnt looking for it, i offered him a slice. he ate it “uh huh, good.”just straight to his phone on the couch. i felt so defeated. i just packed it up and put it in the fridge.

its trash day tomorrow morning. the only chore i ask my husband to do is take out the trash. i prep everything, recycle separated and trash is set ready by the door the night before. usually i have to ask him to take it out but ive been getting tired of asking him repeatedly. i stopped to see if he would actually do it on his own. 2 months of not asking him, he hasn’t taken it out. i have been doing it. he usually falls asleep and i avoid waking him about taking the trash. i just assume he’s had a tiring day at work.

i usually wait for my daughter to fall asleep so i can finish cleaning up the house before midnight and call it a night. but for some reason she just couldnt fall asleep and was super clingy. i left her just for a moment just to take out the trash but had woken up with burst of crying. i carried her while trying to take the trash out. my husband then woke up from hearing her and said he’ll take out the trash while i try to console and put my daughter back to sleep. i apologized to him and he didn’t say anything, straight to his phone.

tbh, im feeling pretty down tonight. i went out of my way to make the cake he asked from me that he only had to ask me one time all while juggling cleaning the house, laundry, dishes and watching our daughter. yet my husband doesnt take initiative on his own for the one single chore i ask of him to do in the house to take out the trash.

i feel like im not enough. am i bad wife for feeling like this?

I have an amex debt of $7,3100, they closed my account and they reopened it for the settlement. My account is 4 years old. They’re offering 90% where I’d only need to pay $731 for it to be resolved before the deadline they’re offering me. I tried researching first if anyone has gotten 90% before. But all I’ve seen is 50-70% highest in my research. This is a good thing? Right?

I can pay the $731 now, what will happen after? I just want to confirm it will absolutely be resolved.